Anti-Planking Act

Everyone knows what planking is and a lot of kids (and stupid adults) have already met their maker by lying their stiffened body, face down in places that are too dangerous for people to attempt such pastime. (such as the corner railing of the balcony) 

But if Congressman Winnie Costelo of the Second District of Quezon City would be asked, what he knew about planking is that its a terrific exercise in public disturbance. He might have gotten the idea from some delinquents who planked along Espana Boulevard to protest the rising oil prices.

Earlier today, the not-so-esteemed but hardworking and eccentric lawmaker from the Batasan announced that he would file a bill banning planking in public. This is to discourage protesters from expressing their grievances by throwing themselves - like a cadaver - at the middle of the road.

In a matter of hours, the chorus of contempt and derision expressed in social media was universal. The nation faces so many troubles and the brightest idea our congressmen could come up with is the banning of an activity that makes no sense - even to the senseless. 

The fad itself is dying out - like the j3j3m0n text talk - which became synonymous with the illiterate just a few years ago. And like the dougie, that everyone tries to dance in the local dance clubs after being mastered by tweens in the US early this year, before we know it, owling on top of the Mabuhay Rotunda would be the new in thing when protesting the next time someone declares a nationwide strike.

I suspect Representative Costelo was just trying to pull our leg for his political gains. The androgynous congressman once even proposed a 4-day work week which, would have stirred pandemonium among BPO Shift managers.

A collective shrug had descended a few days after the bill made rounds in the news. 

The Anti-Planking Bill of 2011 will never reach, even the first legislative reading of Congress. Heck, Congressman Costelo would even get re-elected in his district, not because of the silly bills he authored, but from the media exposure he received for turning the 15th congress into a circus act. 

I was able to read what the bill said. I also learned that planking itself in public does not carry any penalty. Since we are on the subject of the anti-planking bill, let's up the ante by including imaginary sanctions once a person gets caught planking:

SEC 7. Should a student or group of students get caught planking in the streets, government offices and public places, the offender(s) are required to do the dougie with his/their pants down at the middle of a busy road intersection. The offender(s) are also required to render 500 hours of public service cleaning the toilets of government hospitals and a month of forced labour in one of the secret state farms in Mindanao. Before the offender(s) are released from his/their obligations, he/they must pay a bail of no less than P10,000 pesos to be used in the feeding programs of the DSWD. The offender(s) must also promise not to perform the owling posture should it become the new craze when planking dies out.  

Sounds too harsh? I bet it would be fun - like taking your pictures while planking in the oddest places just to impress everyone. And since the activity would be forbidden in the very near future. Let me end this thoughtless blabbing by imitating what everyone does these days:

The balls man, its ouchie!