Reboot

Note: To the blogger I used to be, who was struggling with words while penning his first blog post in his attempts to join a bandwagon, let me write to you how your first entry would appear like eleven years later. It's been a journey, my friend, and I'm glad that you took the first steps and did your best never to lose the craft.

I have a lifetime to thank you for. 

Previously: Colony Ship Landed

Every guy has a first time, and this is my introduction to the blogs. It's been ages since I wielded a pen - imaginary, or otherwise - to create a journal such as the one you are reading right now. Perhaps, it's time to move on. I'm done sharing my musings on online forums like Pinoyexchange.

My friends are leaving, and so am I.

I no longer recall who among my buddies posted it on Yahoo Groups, but his forethought was a chilling wake up call. He said, "Eventually, people outgrow a fancy and public forums are so yesterday." I've been checking the Odders' thread on Pinoyexchange everyday for the last three years, and absorbing what he said, I realize that I don't want to be left out. Sooner than everyone had thought, I hurled myself into this growing bandwagon, unannounced, hence the title "Colony Ship Landed." 

Folks, this is a migration.

---

Still, I find it devastating to hear what Henry's boyfriend did to him. The jerk cheated with another guy behind his back. Kunsabagay, boys will be boys, and the moment one gets bored with a partner, off he goes searching for a new playmate. Sigh. Hearing my friend's woes, I can't help but think of my own relationship. It's been almost a year since Phanks and I became a couple and one can't help but speculate,

What if my partner does to me what my friend's ex did to him?

Of course, I would break up, and return to my old ways of sleeping with every guy I come across online and in Malate. I don't know how long it would take for me to move on, but the accomplishments of the last 10 months will be wiped out all because one betrayed the trust of the other. Sana, totoo ngang seryoso ang boyfriend ko sa akin. I'm really looking forward to sharing a life, and future with him. 

---

Well, that is all for my first blog. There's a Contingent* at Garppy's pad tonight. Maybe I will post again when I return home later, or whenever I feel like writing.

Postcript:

While tinkering this platform, I learned how to add links to my blog. The boys wouldn't know yet, but I'm already snooping around and reading their posts. Lol. For some reasons, I'm beginning to understand why the friend who started this all finds it amazing to have an online journal. Anyway, it's time to leave this chair and take a bath. 

I've been warming my balls the whole day.



*contingent - weekly drinking binge.

Cock Pic

"Bulge mo na lang kulang."

The Bag Hanger posted on my timeline after he caught me teasing another Twitter friend, whose bulge I claimed was a face towel tucked under his shorts.

"Show it. Share to us." He dared.

Victorian Age prudery requires that I should have never accepted his challenge. After all, I am dealing with social media accounts whose owners love posting pictures of their weenies and bulges for all to see. While I do condone their behavior, I recall saying on the same social media platform before that I don't talk to dicks. Hence, the blocking of several accounts whose display pictures show their family jewels instead of faces.

So what happened?

In the age of selfies, with Kim Kardashian "Breaking the Internet," to show off your private parts has become the "cool" thing especially for people with exhibitionist streak. Maybe it's human nature defying old taboos, or perhaps the joy of being unchained from the bounds of propriety.

All I know is it tempers the libertine leanings, while providing space for sensual expressions. 

In a lifetime that precedes the Gundam Age, I too, have caved in to the digital needs of the flesh.  It was the next best thing given the risks and troubles of live act performance. Having a high-resolution camera attached to the phone made it easier to snap pictures of the hard-on and send it to the playmate who is expecting some visual delights. 

There is nothing to hide. This was part of the trade-off.

And since this new dare was a sort of gentleman's agreement with lads, who still see me not as playmate but a friend, my hope is that the gesture to post the hardcore photo through private message was meant to show that I'm not as snooty as many people have impressions of me.

So one morning, despite the biting cold, and a boner that refuses to cooperate, I laid on my back after pulling down my jerseys. And after fondling the junior (while conjuring memories of past encounters) until it gets to a point that the pole stands stiff, albeit showing signs of limpness, I positioned my Sony Xperia's camera some distance away from the shaft, so the flattering shot impresses the recipients.

"Because I promised."

A private note I composed attached to the picture.

"Enjoy!"

Hours later, both lads sent a collective response.

"Sarap."

The #RP612Fic

For three succeeding years, I have been writing 130-character stories on Twitter every year on June 12. This long-standing tradition in social media has been going on since 2009. It was started by Filipino authors at Rocket Kapre, whose aim is to commemorate the occasion by bending historical events and peppering it with pop culture references and accounts lifted from current events. This comic mash-up, which often produced twisted ironies has encouraged more netizens to chip in and take their swipes on Philippine history. It never fails to make #RP612fic a trending and newsworthy subject on Independence Day for showcasing the nation's indomitable character: humor.  

The blog for today was supposed to go along the lines of this activity. I was planning to pick one of my submissions and turn it into a long-form short story. However, realizing that I've never blogged the event before, a feature entry is my fitting excuse for posterity. 

Here are my selected micro fiction stories for this year:

Upon learning Maria Clara spending a fortune just to see Una Dirección live in Intramuros, Kapitan Tiago sent her back to convent #RP612fic
— Mugen Boo (@tr1pnautic) June 12, 2014

Maria Clara used to be a boyband fantard long before she was introduced to Ibarra.

Sailing towards Manila, Lopez de Legaspi spotted Junks off Palawan. The admiral of the Chinese fleet shouted. "This is ours!!" #RP612Fic
— Mugen Boo (@tr1pnautic) June 12, 2014

The Nine-Dash claim of Beijing holds merit after all. 

"Puta Madre!" Pepe told a fellow commuter, who clutched his bayong closer to his chest." May lumaslas ng tampipi ko sa Tranvia!"  #rp612fic
— Mugen Boo (@tr1pnautic) June 12, 2014

Even during Spanish Times, peace and security is already a problem. Jose Rizal got a taste of what living in the city means.

Before going to battle, Gregorio Del Pilar took a selfie and uploaded it on Facebook. He was mortally shot before it got a "like." #RP612fic
— Mugen Boo (@tr1pnautic) June 11, 2014

Too bad for our heartthrob general, he never lived to see the 7,107 likes on his Facebook a week after his death.

"We used to have singing senators during our time" said the old man to the kid. "now we have party cadres sent to Beijing." #RP612fic
— Mugen Boo (@tr1pnautic) June 11, 2014

Nostalgia sets in for a geriatric who witnessed a time when Demo-crazy was the government. This was the submission I was planning to expound into a short story.

       

A Pervert's Log

Decided to skip the daily juicing in preparation for an arranged trouble today - which was cancelled at the last minute. 

And when I decided to fap the bird - rather than let it probe a stranger's warm and moist orifice - I was surprised at how stiff it remained. Blood appeared to have blocked every cavity, swelled every capillary there is in that pole and when it was time to drain the pipe; to make way for an explosion - a leak I held back for two days - the seed spreading, and spermy genocide was pure bliss.

Habit changing is forthcoming, and maybe, this less attention to my little friend may grease the sex machine I once was.

Because Tomorrow Is Just A Memory

"These plants belong to me. Take me with them if you must!!"

"Are good things supposed to end?" 

I mused before dropping my stuff on the sidewalk. It's late in the afternoon and there's an everything-must-go sale nearby. An entire ecosystem will be shut down all in the name of progress. House plants of all shapes and sizes; delectable flowers in full bloom and bursting with colors are sold at drop down prices. I came to say goodbye to the place, and partake at discounts never would the shop owners give had the closing event didn't take place.

A few minutes before embarking on a home-bound trip, a cat sleeping under the shade was stirred out of curiosity. I was about to take pictures of the little fellow when she approached me and rubbed her head against the back of my hand. Not satisfied with the minimal attention I've given, she grazed her entire body around my leg, prompting me to stroke her fur to show appreciation. She then laid next to the plastic bags of garden implements I bought. An onlooker chuckled at the comic relief.

"Mukhang gusto sumama sa iyo ah." I gave a faint smile.

"Pusa niyo po ito?" The old man nodded.

For some reasons, I saw everything differently.

In the face of uncertainty and sea change, is it normal for creatures to cling to vestiges of familiarity? Knowing home will be gone soon, did the feline try to tell us she belongs to that garden, and that, she is aware it is being dismantled?

The Architect

noun \ˈär-kə-ˌtekt\ a person who designs buildings and advises in their construction.

Wansapanataym, ang tawag nila sa akin ay Pulis aka. Sergeant-at-Arms. Ako daw kasi ang unang sumisita kapag sa inuman ay lantaran na ang landian. Sa mahabang panahon ay naging wholesome ang tagayan. Naiwasan ang kariran kahit house party ang ganap. Maliban sa ilang insidente na hindi na naulit muli, tingin ko naman ay nagampanan ko ang trabaho ng kaunti lamang ang pagkakamali. 

May mga tumiwalag subalit yun ang kanilang pinili.

Taon ang lumipas. Nadagdagan ang mga ka-table. Nawala ang distinction na Encanto, at sa halip, lahat ay welcome to join the inuman. Hindi nagtagal ay may mga nagkagustuhan; may mga nagdala ng ka-date, at may mga naganap na after-party "events" na ako mismo ay piping saksi. Tinamad na akong mag-pulis simula noon sapagkat lahat naman ay naghahanap ng kabiyak. Nagbago ang dynamics ng grupo at pati ako ay kailangang makibagay.

Now shows the Architect. Trabaho daw niya mag-inspect kung malalim ang pundasyon ng mga relasyong mabubuo. Kung match ba ang dalawang nag-iibigan at kung ang prospects ba ng samahan ay pangmatagalan. While the role is largely ceremonial (kasi naman, nagkagustuhan na bago ko pa malaman), naroon ang mga background checks at pagkukumpuni ng mga rough patches sakaling may humingi man ng aking serbisyo. Madalas man sablay pero ang leg work at counselling ay hawak ko pa rin. Sino ang makakalimot sa isang intimate na inuman, na habang bumabayo ang hangin sa labas ay pilit ko pinaglalapit ang mga pusong nanlalamig na.

Ang mga eksena ay mostly behind the scenes. Sa Viber ang sumbungan, lalo pa't hindi nagkaroon ng epekto ang match-making. Required ang face to face contact paminsan-minsan, lalo na kapag may liham na kailangan ipaabot (kagaya sa kaso ni "EJ Falcon" at "Rocco Nacino") o kaya naman mahalaga ang direct intervention lalo na kapag pusong sawi ang kailangan pakalmahin. 

There are risks to such venture. Hindi gaya sa pagpupulis na pagkatapos ng inuman ay tapos na. Naroon ang pagdudahan na may kinikilingan. Awayin dahil may pinapaboran. Pati minsan ang Architect ay napapalapit ng husto sa kanyang kliente dahil ang binitawan ng isa ay siya palang kursonada niya. It is all about learning the ropes, ang sabi nga at habang tumatagal; habang dumarami ang mga napapalagay ang loob dahil sa may kapiling na itong iba, I think the Architect is as effective as he could be.

There is no such thing as a harmonious group. Ang mga couples, minsan nagkakatampuhan or worse, nagbre-break. Ang mga nima-match-make, madalas wala palang real-life chemistry. But if there is such a role as needed in keeping the status quo; o kaya naman ay ma-control ang turn over ng mga taong darating at mawawala sa linggo-linggong tagayan, andun ang Architect to see to it na ang lahat ay nagsasaya.

Sapagkat ang mga hamon sa pagkakaibigan ay nasa tabi-tabi lamang.

The Mousey Incident

In our ancestral home in Santa Mesa, there used to be a shallow, open canal separating our house from that of our neighbor. This murky passage holds memories, including kids falling into the pit, (and getting scabies as a result) to cats (pushed off the ledge upstream) jumping out of the pit, to complains of  floating feces flushed out from someone's toilet. 

One incident that got stuck in my head is that of a mouse, caught by one of the pre-teens being dropped into the canal. The poor rodent was supposed to drown, or get carried away by the current but since a yarn tied to its hind legs prevents the critter from running away, it gets dunked and dunked into the corrosive waters until it was too weak to wiggle.

Now the hell-spawned boys won't just leave the mouse alone. I don't recall how they were able to bait it to a passing cat, but the street-born feline just ate it. Whole. Now you think it was the end of the story but then, the canal-soaked rodent was too much for the cat's digestive track. After being regurgitated, the cat propelled the remains of the mouse from its stomach and into the neighbor's doorstep. The mouse's carcass resembled like freshly ground meat being sold in the market. The juvenile slayers were happy with the outcome and one by one they left - to spread the story. Meanwhile, I remained standing there to absorb what I just saw. The neighbor's house was unoccupied so imagine the maggots crawling out of the carcass a few days later.

This distasteful but comical account would be told on the table - like it was some traumatic episode I never knew it was - at a time when I was having a sumptuous meal of Lumpiang Shanghai. Not far from where I was sitting, mice squeaked under the cupboards. They got stuck on a fly paper laid out to break their trail. As the subject of mice went on, one of the maids confessed their method of taking the life out of the pest. They skewer them using a barbecue stick - sometimes right into their heads - before tossing the remains into the bin.

Looking at my half-eaten Spring Roll, I put liberal amounts of tomato ketchup over it before it was able to slid down my throat. I never leave leftovers on my plate. 

I don't know what just happened. But the next day, I would cringe at the sight of Pork Sinigang that the maid was about to serve as lunch. At work, I would pick vegetables over meat. It would be the beginnings of the Meatless Mondays campaign that still takes place every week. And when I am forced to grab a meal at a fast food, It's either fish or sometimes, a chicken fillet sandwich. 

Burgers, including pasta ceased to be a staple. 

Sometimes I would claim that the mice left a curse. For as they squeaked for dear life while their ashened furs lay on the adhesive, a revolt took place within my tummy. It would be the last time I would touch spring rolls - or any other pork or beef dishes. And if not for chicken, which I am forced to eat from time to time, 

I would have turned Vegan.    

  

Instaboylet 2.0 (First Part)

When Alistair Lee mused how fun it would be to have a game on Twitter where you can choose your boyfriend every day, I posted a tweet saying, "you start and we will follow."

It was a typical banter that needed not to be taken seriously. However, Ric said he would join. XJ, who was reading our timeline found the game "fun." He even had a name for it. "Virtual Jowa-Jowaan." There were two others who expressed their intention to participate and before the night was over, Alistair's idea was finally conceived.

The rules are simple. The "taya" will choose his virtual partner from among the participants. They have to play lovers on the social media website for a day. After their time is up, the guy who was chosen will have his turn to pick a new partner. The game ends after each player gets his turn, and the love team of the week is chosen.

Participants are to ask questions and throw scenarios that will put the couple off balance. Questions like, "what did you 'cook' for your baby for breakfast?" or "what are your terms of endearment?" are strongly encouraged. The success of the game depends on how believable the relationships are. Fun kicks off when others on our common timeline start asking, "Are they for real or what?"

After much prodding, Alistair took the reigns, and chose his virtual boyfriend. To my surprise, he chose XJ. I was expecting him to pick Ric, since I've been playing matchmaker to the two guys for quite some time. While the game was replete with cheesiness at the beginning (it showed Alistair's caring side), it proved to be a disappointment as one seems to be more "committed" than the other.

"When it's my turn," I told Alistair. "I'll show you how the game is played."

After 24 hours, XJ and Alistair's coupling was over. I even thought the game would end with them with the languid reception it recieved. When Alistair insisted that it's our turn - Ric and I - hesitation and pointing fingers would have cut the game prematurely. The two others no longer appear interested, and we cannot simply choose someone who's not part of the game. It was when the game leader suggested that we should be the couples that a resolution was found.

We raised no opposition.

-tobecontinued-

Helpless

So this is how it feels when your creation seems to slip away right before your eyes.

It began this morning - with a raid on my home planet. Cache of resources has been taken away without my knowledge. It was followed by another heist, which I was able to intercept just minutes before the assault took place. Lacking firepower to prevent the intruder, he took away what remains of my provisions. The hostile player didn't stop there. His third attempt turned out to be an invasion. There was time to prepare, and even craft an edict, which I sent to my team members.

Royal Decree XVII-A-IIXV

An Act of War Against Lord Vather and the Empire

We, the Royal House of Travessia, under the munificent graces of His Excellency, King Jai'ren Romanus Travessia III, the cause of joy and prosperity across the realms, having studied the latest incursion of this barbarian leader, Lord Vather against the peaceful people of Galente declares war against the Empire.

Whereas: The King feels the suffering of his people and is one with them in bringing justice to those who led the attack on the defenseless planet of Galente.

Whereas: The King recognizes the might of the Empire, but to lift the spirits of his broken people decides to send the Cerulean Fleet to make Lord Vather account for his errors. He must learn that the Realm of Mugen will not permit these merciless incursions into its worlds.

Whereas: The King, in his infinite wisdom knows that Galente cannot stand alone, thus recognizes the importance of allies in Centaurus. He may not be there to personally thank these governments, but he throws his support in building a coalition that will protect, not only the realm, but those worlds belonging to the community.

Whereas: The King approves the construction of a shipyard and defense installations on Galente, making the planet able to construct its own ships for protective measures.

This Royal Decree takes effect once the Cerulean Fleet arrives in Centaurus. Notice of War will never be sent to Lord Vather or his allies. The Royal House of Travessia entrusts the execution and promulgation of this decree to Viceroy Rafael Allende Smith.

Giventh this year of the Goddess, August 20, 3023. Gods Save The Realm.

I was having fun, really. The challenge stimulates whatever brain function I picked from playing strategy games in the past. Believing that ground defenses can hold block the assault, construction of flak batteries took place at the start of my shift. Four hours of tireless construction, while waiting for reinforcements to arrive; to finally thwart the invaders back to their world. I was confident of victory until the zero hour came and the painful truth opened my eyes to the hopelessness of my situation.

And so the countdown begins before someone steals my planet. Much as I would like to believe there is a possibility of retrieving a saved game, or even the dimmest of hope for my creation - to endure and one day get back at whoever caused this disruption - I have no choice but to admit defeat. With allies nowhere to be found and hails remaining unanswered, it is my best guess that Galente is a lost cause.

Perhaps in another game play. When I am able slip past the invader's attention and my new worlds prosper without his knowledge, I will get back what is mine and bring to his desktop the helplessness I have felt.  

Usog

It is easy to accuse my own mother that her careless tongue was the cause of my two-day lockdown. If psycho-science holds the key to everything that is true and infallible, then the reason for my strange malady was her harmless observation that I've gotten "a bit fat." 

Not a day after, my body showed signs of break down.

But behind the seemingly convincing reason for the muscle aches, low-grade fever and itchiness of the throat, what people don't know are the activities I did before posting on Twitter that I am feeling under the weather:

• Huffed and puffed a pack of cigarette in two days + binge beer drinking.
• Had four hours of sleep before I showed up for work.
• Went to the gym after my shift. Had to lift 135 lbs for Bench Press and Front Squats. Five repetitions. Five sets. Not to mention the Military Press, Sledgehammer and Kettlebell Swings.
• Went down six flights of stairs while carrying a Balikbayan Box full of used clothes.
• Had gone through rush hour traffic to get to Navotas to deliver the said clothes.
• Ate dinner at 10 in the evening. Last full meal was at 10 in the morning.
• Shoved another stick of cigarette before going to bed.
• All that happening in one day. 

My body has gone through some of the worse punishments ever imagined and I was confident that it can take another beating. But lest I forget, the strength of a twenty seven year old is no longer reliable when you are thirty one. 

The oatmeal dinner cannot even satisfy my nutrient requirement. 

So I spent my rest days in bed. Playing Imperion all day, while taking short naps in between. If there's a consolation to the forced grounding, I've learned that the reason why my herbs are dying is because the birds keep on nipping its leaves.

And that Mylar Tape is not available in Ace Hardware and National Bookstore. I need to find a way to keep the feathered pests from harassing my babies.

TNB 2

Boys,

Know the subtext. Ignore the context. The next time you have a date, sip a cup of tea at this chic boutique in Ongpin Street, Binondo. 

Who knows, you might end up having an extra serving of "milk" tea, before the night is over. 

Noises From The Blue Planet

Headline. n. a 200-character online status which features heavily on dating websites like Planet Romeo. Headlines appear with the profiles of members on the site's search results. Mainly used to draw attention or sum a person's state of mind, (for those who don't bother to read personal descriptions) a sharp observer can sketch impressions simply by reading them.

For those who are good with ice breakers, headlines can sometimes open doors and strip men naked.

Be confident but never cocky. There's a thin line between being confident and being too full of yourself. Always remember that.

Flaunting your looks and intelligence and putting people down never gets you anywhere. A modest, self-assured introduction does. I know it's just a headline, and the kid's profile doesn't tell much. But I was so impressed with his gentle reminder, I left a footprint complementing his words.  

Don't message me if you don't look good, chubby, and ugly!! If you're not aware na pangit at chubby ka, sige lang message ka.. I will let you know... Hahahaha!! bbm?

No wonder, it's always windy in Santa Mesa. What's your storm category dude? 

Looking for smart, good looking like me. No Dramas...

Ayos na sana eh... kung hindi mo lang ginawang example ang sarili mo. Major, major turn off.

Partee boy here invite invite gvgvgvgvgvgvgvggv :)

Too much poppers snorting and pill popping will make your head... airy.

Kung ikaw makakatulong sa akin sa pamasahi ko pauwi jan sa Manila ikaw na maging ka live-in ko d2 pa ako sa Davao sa tita ko add me sa FB ko...

Iahon lang sa pagkalugmok sa probinsya, instaboylet kaagad? Panalo!! Sana lang, marunong ka rin magluto, mag-drive ng sasakyan, magkumpuni ng mga sirang gamit sa bahay at magbantay ng tindahan pag gabi. 

Kailangan namin ng boy.

P.R. is an avenue for SEX, stop pretending that you are here searching for friends and lover. Be true to your intentions! Patulong po makapasok ng work, palakasan ngayon sa pagpasok, kahit maganda record mo but still need somebody whom you know inside. (all caps)

Need I say more? Ikaw mismo contradicts your statement. How will you pass a job interview when your mind doesn't know where it's going? 

Here's my tip: Attend a call center training at TESDA. May ramp-up ang mga BPOs for next month's Holidays.

Wrapping your arms around me makes me feel safe and secure... and kissing gives the feeling that I am yours.. sigh.. how hopeless can I get? can we find love in a hopeless place like this.. sigh... :(

I wish to believe Rihanna speaks the truth. But many times, people confuse love for lust, and attraction for romance. Planet Romeo can be many things: a hook up pool, a well-spring of friendship, a river to taint with conceitedness, an empty lagoon for those searching for lovers. I feel the kid's longing and I do wish him well. But rather voice my desire to find the other, I will let the other find me; learn who I am, not in a place like this.

Looking for someone to spend my life with... and if that someone comes along, my life would be complete...

You're forty. A late-bloomer bachelor in the eyes of those who don't know your preference - if you've managed to hide it from them. Maybe, you're financially stable. Perhaps, you're emotionally mature to accept whatever life throws at you. And with a market on a slump; a sagging skin and deep facial lines to complement the expanding girth of the belly; and a social life that revolves around friends you have known for a lifetime, the only one missing is a devoted partner. Someone you would grow old with.

I still have a decade to waste. But when I read his headline, I let my thoughts float in the air - wishing - for him to find his happiness, wherever he lies.

Try me once u taste u will be hooked like a web of a spider ;)

Anudaw?

Looking for top to top fun.

Oh hello there Jap Nishi. I wonder what top to top fun is. Have you become a versa-in-denial? Lol.

Amusing as it is, you can log in and spend hours reading people's headlines. And upon reading hundreds of them, one can feel the interconnection. That somewhere along, these guys might have sent private messages to one another, spoke briefly on the phone, did quickies, fell in love, fell out of love and moved on. It's like everyone had experienced a trauma or elation, that it changed their view of others - forever. 

As a result, some choose to put walls and push away those who are not to their liking (no effems, skinnies and chubbies please, posers are losers etc.) while others continue to hope of a better story even when disappointments happen again and again. It's the same routine stuck on playback, until such time when it's too difficult to leave - for it's the only place you know to meet and talk to people - like you.

Not for me.

Looking back, the noises go on, even louder in the dead of the night. But when one longs for silence, and prefers deeply detached from others, there is no other way but to lift off and leave the planet, hopefully never to be heard of, or seen again.

Salsal

News is when a man bites a dog and not the other way around.

For this reason, we were taught in Journalism how to discern news over what is mere press release. With this mindset, we begin to learn why good news seldom make it to the headlines, unless the society has become too corrupt that immorality has become the norm or a sense of optimism whiffs in the air.

We were also taught how to make salsal a story when news is scarce or information is unavailable. While frowned upon and strictly unspoken, such technique had helped us cope with the dry days when I used to run a tabloid newspaper.

Salsal is when an ordinary crime-related story is peppered with details when none exists. It aims to generate a response whether it be repulsion, fear, anger or even amusement. When done regularly - even when other newspapers carry a single headline, the salsal news becomes tasteless. People start to complain and the tabloid suffers a loss of readership.

I was reminded of the word and how we smirked when Isabel De Leon segued to the topic. I may not recall her examples, but whenever I encounter cheeky passages from news articles such as these:

"The women demanded he also have sex with them, and the old man resisted at first. But then gave in to his wives' desires.

Uroko stopped breathing when the fifth woman was riding on top of him. “Suddenly, my husband stopped breathing, and they all ran out, still laughing," the youngest wife told reporters, "but when they saw that I could not resuscitate him, they all ran into the forest."

I cannot help but think of the perfect banner. 

TNB has already blogged about the news, but if given a spin - Pinoy style, I would wholeheartedly recommend this front-page headline.

Pumupulandit pa ang katas: Mister, dedo matapos kangkangin ng limang asawa.

Deterrence

Whoever came up with the idea of putting a school on Pag-Asa has a clever mind. Not only did it strengthen the Philippines' claim to the disputed islets, the publicity it created has won the hearts and minds of those who had read the news. 

It was an "aaawww" moment to see those kindergarten kids sitting in green monobloc chairs, while their proud parents stood behind for the class picture. The red and blue flag with three yellow stars and a sun was there too, proudly hoisted to remind everyone who occupies the spot. 

Rival claimants, like the Chinese, would say it's propaganda. But in the court of global opinion, approval is bestowed to the one who first conceives the heartwarming thought. How can another government assert their rights when the outpost itself has a functioning civilian government?

How can it be forcefully taken when young children would become the shooting war's first casualty?

The worst the Chinese can do is ban our produce and send our domestic helpers packing to be replaced by those coming from Indonesia, Thailand and Cambodia. This will hurt our economy and for this reason, I don't think our national and military-leaning sentiments will serve our interests. 

There is always a crafty way to keep the balance.

The Chinese will always have the military and economic superiority. A fact only the unlearned ones will contest in the online forums. No matter how many second and third - hand warships we send in the West Philippine Sea, (a body of water I shall never recognize) these sea craft will be wiped out once the Chinese destroyers and submarines are deployed in the area. 

We should take hint at the fact that we don't have a single jet fighter guarding our skies. We are no match should hostilities with the Chinese erupt.

The best we can do is shrug our shoulders and let those from Fujian and Guangdong run the place. We must stop reporting belligerent news, which would only anger our Chinese masters. Meanwhile, it's time we put up tourist infrastructure in Kalayaan. A world class, private resort at the heart of the contested islands sounds like a great idea. Imagine rich Korean and Australian tourists in their flashy yachts being escorted by our vintage patrol boats. Watch as these moneyed adventurers hop from sandbar to shoals, enjoying the lush wildlife, which apparently, are being exploited by our neighbors to the north. Picture well-dressed attendants serving French wine to the guests while they lap in their infinity pool. Not far from the shore are Vietnamese patrol boats pointing their guns at passing Taiwanese fishing vessels.

Exciting, Isn't it? And I am not even done yet with my idea. 

How about we send a flotilla of Casino and Spa boats, to be moored at Huangyan Shoal? Not even the disciplined People's Liberation Navy could resist the allure of flashy lights and skimpy-dressed ladies eager to welcome the men of the sea. And like MVP, we can send Ramon Ang to negotiate a joint gas exploration. Between business and warfare, the question will always be what earns profit the quickest?   

While the rest of the nation is busy putting "fun" in the Kalayaan and the rest of the South China Sea, we can seize the moment and upgrade our military. Spain and Greece badly needs money. We might be able to procure their military hardware at half the price. We can also seek donations from the Japanese and Koreans who are equally weary of Chinese incursions. Of course, nothing must come out from these negotiations. 

Not even a three-paragraph news report.

These silly suggestions would never be drawn in blueprints or reach the ears of those in power. But somehow I get their plan. For behind the veil of timidness lies the mastery of deterrence. That sea mishap near the coast of Pangasinan last week was an international incident. There was an obvious cover up to avoid displeasing the already enraged Chinese. As we do these diplomatic maneuvers, something beneath our waters assure that no matter what Beijing's mouthpiece says, a superpower across the globe is watching the events outside our un-watched borders.

To honor an age-old pact: To serve its political interests now that its president will have to seek fresh mandate.

In our midst, a fleet of American Nuclear Submarines has already begun patrolling our seas.

Credit: 

Just Plain Stupid

If I were earning - say - a hundred thousand pesos a month. And I get to keep the money all to myself, there is no doubt I will spend a portion of it for home improvement at Muji.

I have been to their store - twice - with my partner. One is in Greenbelt, and the other in Rockwell. They sell stuff ranging from hangers to bookshelves and pillows. Their line of products are all imported from Japan. So you can expect the price to be steep for below-average salary earner like me. 

But when it comes to aesthetics, their zen-like, minimalist elements, Muji's are second to none. For this reason, I regard the store as one of my favorites - even when I cannot afford and won't buy a single item from their shelves.

The non-patron but reverential attitude would have remained - the same - if not for this email I received from Nuffnang. It's a promotion, as some of you would expect and a lofty one if done sincerely and with the Planet's well-being in mind. 

"For every single-receipt of P1,000 with no paper bags or plastics needed..."  The advertisement read, "earns you one stamp." That's pretty tough for a society expecting everything to be wrapped and bagged in plastic. How many times I got strange stares when asking the convenience store clerk that I don't put my purchase in a plastic bag? How much more when you leave the store and walk around a mall with your purchased stuff in your hands? 

Convenience wise, it's just plain stupid. The brand-conscious, social status-hungry among us would never resign to such arrangement.

Unless, Muji's planning to sell a tote bag of their own design. Kaching!

But wait, the ignominy doesn't end there. 

According to the game mechanics, the promo runs from April 20 to July 31, 2012. That's barely 3 months or 6 paydays starting today. I really don't know the price range of Muji's products, but I'm most certain nobody goes there like one goes to a supermarket.

A booklet is given, where one must get 18 stamps to redeem the prize. 18 stamps. Eighteen thousand pesos. Three months. If that's not insanity, a participant is either having problems wasting his money, or he has a serious case of material craving. The mechanics also add that furniture and shelves, including items that are already on sale are not included in the promo.

Malas mo lang. The brains behind this campaign seem to be bent on preventing you from winning the prize.

But I know, some of us rise up to the challenge, and Muji's Go Paperless is one for the books. I wonder how will my PR teacher, Mr. Nicky Salandanan would comment on this: Would it create customer loyalty and retention? Would Muji gain from the brand exposure? Would the campaign really help the environment?

I'll let you be the judge.

And after all the trouble of collecting the 18 high-value stamps - like you did to earn a Starbucks planner; of spending close to 20 thousand in three months, a money you can simply put in a bank, or invest in something else; And after making yourself look stupid to all mall-shoppers believing you've helped the environment in such a shallow, silly way.

The reward for all the effort is this:

"A completed booklet of 18 stamps entitles the customer to a 10% discount on his next purchase. To avail of the discount, customer must present his booklet to the cashier."

So much for a promo.

Come to think of it, why would someone want to avail a 10% discount at Muji when he has all the money to throw away?

This Game Will Ruin Your Life (MugenEdition)

The moment I enter my room at night, it's hard to leave my quarters. And the reason for the hermitic disappearance is this:

Marie Antoine (the little girl) and Deidre (her dad)

I have always wondered how it feels to have so many different lives. Like it is possible to jump from one consciousness to another. But with Sims 3, the game lets me indulge in this fantasy. I have been an old granny who leads a criminal syndicate in town; A cat-lady who is a well-known writer. A hunk-daddy whose been thrown out of the house by his two-timing wife; a rebellious teen who moved in with the hunk-daddy after his sexy mom died in the cemetery; an eccentric fashion guru who fondly calls his boyish daughter "Antoine;" and finally, a black cat named after a leading character in the anime series Darker than Black.  

looking out the window while little Orion is making poopoo

In this surreal world, not only do I design homes and watering holes, I let loose my hidden twisted self. The characters I play, while best left alone to lead conventional lives, get tangled in complications because of my doing. I could create a sim (and endow the character with charismatic and nurturing trait) then let her butcher the entire town with a single Cow Plant. I could force all my sims to make babies. Who cares if the town runs out of land to build homes. 

Given more time to play each life, I would come up with more sinister plots and unexpected upheavals. Those telenovelas on prime-time television are no match for my stories. And with fantasy elements such as imaginary friends, unicorns that appear at night (that you can ride a-la Rainbow Brite) and playable robots to enrich your game play, there are days when I really wonder, will this addiction end. 

Goodwin (my main sim) standing on the edge of a cliff

I've been a fan of The Sims since its first release more than a decade ago. Owing to its near-infinite playability, it's the first game I bought at Datablitz. It's also the only desktop computer game, aside from Civilization that I religiously followed to its latest successor.   

Some people may not see the essence of this life simulation, much less, appreciate the tedious and repetitive tasks of seeing your Sims enjoy meaningful (and miserable) lives. But if you're someone afflicted with God Complex syndrome, or just appreciate the grandeur of creation and its sometimes unforeseeable turns, you will find Sims 3 to your liking.

  

Relief

YUMMY HOT KUYA, BAYANI NG CDO

Tinatayang hindi bababa sa isang libo katao ang namatay, karamihan mga bata, matapos ang magdamagang buhos ng ulan na nagdulot ng pagbaha sa Cagayan De Oro at Iligan City, Sabado ng madaling araw.

Bilyon bilyong pisong halaga ng ari-arian at pananim ang kasamang naanod nang umapaw ang Cagayan at Tubod rivers. Tinatayang aabutin pa ng susunod na taon bago makabangon sa delubyo ang mga residente ng nasabing bayan.

Sa kabila ng mapait na trahedya, nagawa pa rin ng pahayagang The Philippine Daily Inquirer mangiliti ng imahinasyon nang maglabas ito ng litrato ng isang makinis, artistahin at pagkasarap-sarap na binata sa kanilang front page kahapon.

Ang nasabing binata, na lumabas sa December 18 issue ng diyaryo ay nakuhaang nakahubad at karga-karga ang isang batang babae habang sila ay patawid sa rumaragasang baha.

Ayon kay Luningning Saqnioco, isang Gay Sociology expert, inaasahang magiging viral hit ang litrato ni kuya.

"Day, sa dami ba naman ng mga baklang sabik sa laman ngayong kapaskuhan, hindi malayong siya na ang bagong pantasya ng bayan."

Sinang-ayunan ito ng isang tabloid reporter na napabalitang suki ng mga sinehan sa Cubao at Avenida.

"Siney yung julakis? Bet ba niya lumabas sa bagong pelikula ni Manay Josie? (isang indie film producer) Kukunin ko shaa." Sabay walk-out para sundan at sutsutan ang isang matipunong security guard papasok sa loob ng pampublikong palikuran.

Iba-iba rin ang nakalap naming reaksyon sa kilalang social networking site na Twitter:

"Ay, para siyang tasty bread na lumulutang sa kape." Ayon kay @bekingeseako.

"Ayos! May bago na naman akong inspirasyon bago matulog!" Sabi naman ni @goldenboy75

"Para siyang isang basang sisiw na nangangailangan ng kalinga't aruga." Kumento naman ni @miss_cougar na kaagad ring ni-retweet (kinopya) ng isa pang twitter user na nagngangalang @missterioussgirl.

Pinilit naming kuhanin ang panig ng Inquirer, kasama na rin ang pangalan, tirahan at shoe size ni kuya. Ang mga detalyeng aming makakalap ang siya sanang magbibigay daan sa mabubuting loob na handang mag-abot ng tulong pinansyal, cellphone at pati na rin kabuhayan showcase sa binata.

Hanggang sa mga oras na ito ay wala pa ring reply sa aming text ang news editor ng nasabing pahayagan.

BabyTV

I was channel surfing one morning when I came across a featured, free channel on Skycable. There were no syndicated shows like ANTM or Glee, not even grappling documentaries like Mythbusters or Deadliest Catch. Instead, it was playing instrumental music - a lullaby - the ones you hear on mobile cribs (the suspended contraption with revolving toys going around in circles) when someone puts a baby to sleep. Out of fascination (because I find it too odd that a TV channel for infants and toddlers would keep me hooked) I left my thoughts on Twitter. 

Me: Is watching BabyTV Channel on Skycable at 2 in the morning.

Me: Teka, lipat ko nga yung TV sa Master's Bedroom to that channel. Nandun naman si Baby Lenin eh.

Me: (After eating Lugaw and Egg across the street) Now back to watching Babytv. strongly recommended for little girls who want to be put to sleep.

Nobody paid attention to my punchline, or maybe, I was the only one laughing at my joke. But to my surprise the next day, somebody sent a reply

Jess Abrera, Editorial Cartoon, Philippine Daily Inquirer

BabyTVChannel: Hope she fell asleep:-) RT @xxx now back to watching babytv. strongly recommended for little girls who want to be put to sleep.

I wonder what would Elena Bautista-Hor (née. Yee) say when she finds out that even the Baby Channel Network wants her boss to be put to sleep. As for me, I'll drop ESPN and Balls Channel in favor of BabyTV for my nephews. 

Backpacker: Santa Ana, Cagayan

Previously on Souljacker

Fourth Part: The Beach

The fiery orb continues to march unopposed across the sky, as the swollen, rain-clad clouds quietly assembles where the mountains break the plains. Thunder claps in the distance. Despite the putsch of a late-afternoon shower spoiling my quickie getaway, the landscape basks in some faint semblance of summer. It's like it never rained the whole week. 

Cirrus patches scatter over the heavens forming a thin veil concealing the azure horizon, while below, the blue expanse invites sun worshippers to take a dip. It's been five years since I set foot in the beach and as my feet felt the grainy brown sands of Santa Ana's empty coastline, I was seduced to the open waters like a nymph was calling my name.

Slowly, I disappeared beneath the waves. Crushed corals lining the shore scrape the soles of my feet. I would like to walk further, to the place where even the tip of my toes would never touch the soft ground. But strong currents of the Babuyan Channel and the thought of a runaway jellyfish stinging me to unconsciousness kept me from closing the distance. 

Instead, I stood at a spot where the water sloshes slightly below my chest. A person watching at the gazebo could have mistaken me for a monk in meditation. Slightly bent, with my eyes gazing at the emptiness, I would rather be seen as a sentry at a post. For what is unseen is my hand yanking clumsily underwater, like it was arming a cannon trying to fire at miniature submarines. But it cannot do so, because everything is just in my head. 

It didn't matter if there were teen boys summersaulting nearby. They won't see and they were not the object of my fantasy. For my mind was lost elsewhere, assaulting the dirty demons who were suggesting lustful images since I arrived in paradise. Had I been a little younger, one would see me at the beach, building sand castles only to crumble as the foamy waves trample its feeble walls. Had I been with a tropa perhaps, one would see us racing across the water. 

Had I been with my partner. Well... A shooting war would be happening elsewhere, not definitely at the beach.

None were available so I had to improvise.

I was in that crouched position for an hour or so, but the cannon won't shoot. Maybe there wasn't an ammo to begin with, or I had already emptied myself long before I thought of repeating the deed. What snapped me back to reality was my excuse at home. I would be hard-pressed to explain why on earth did I get sunburned in Isabela, unless I was half-naked the whole time while inspecting the fields.  

Strong waves continue to pound my back, inching me closer and closer towards the shore. Sensing defeat, (the cannon not only refuses to fire, it had gone wimp) it was time to get out of the water.

After taking a long, hot shower, I returned to the bar-slash-restaurant with a coffee shop ambiance. As I send my tweet updates on my laptop and asking the receptionists for leads as to where I could find a public transpo leaving Santa Ana before noon,

a thought occurred to me.

Cagayan Sunshine

This is how short my stay is. In less than a day after I've arrived, here I am making arrangements for my hasty exit back to the city.

And the only reason for returning to the town center is not to take a stroll - it is to say goodbye.


- tobecontinued -

Anti-Planking Act

Everyone knows what planking is and a lot of kids (and stupid adults) have already met their maker by lying their stiffened body, face down in places that are too dangerous for people to attempt such pastime. (such as the corner railing of the balcony) 

But if Congressman Winnie Costelo of the Second District of Quezon City would be asked, what he knew about planking is that its a terrific exercise in public disturbance. He might have gotten the idea from some delinquents who planked along Espana Boulevard to protest the rising oil prices.

Earlier today, the not-so-esteemed but hardworking and eccentric lawmaker from the Batasan announced that he would file a bill banning planking in public. This is to discourage protesters from expressing their grievances by throwing themselves - like a cadaver - at the middle of the road.

In a matter of hours, the chorus of contempt and derision expressed in social media was universal. The nation faces so many troubles and the brightest idea our congressmen could come up with is the banning of an activity that makes no sense - even to the senseless. 

The fad itself is dying out - like the j3j3m0n text talk - which became synonymous with the illiterate just a few years ago. And like the dougie, that everyone tries to dance in the local dance clubs after being mastered by tweens in the US early this year, before we know it, owling on top of the Mabuhay Rotunda would be the new in thing when protesting the next time someone declares a nationwide strike.

I suspect Representative Costelo was just trying to pull our leg for his political gains. The androgynous congressman once even proposed a 4-day work week which, would have stirred pandemonium among BPO Shift managers.

A collective shrug had descended a few days after the bill made rounds in the news. 

The Anti-Planking Bill of 2011 will never reach, even the first legislative reading of Congress. Heck, Congressman Costelo would even get re-elected in his district, not because of the silly bills he authored, but from the media exposure he received for turning the 15th congress into a circus act. 

I was able to read what the bill said. I also learned that planking itself in public does not carry any penalty. Since we are on the subject of the anti-planking bill, let's up the ante by including imaginary sanctions once a person gets caught planking:

SEC 7. Should a student or group of students get caught planking in the streets, government offices and public places, the offender(s) are required to do the dougie with his/their pants down at the middle of a busy road intersection. The offender(s) are also required to render 500 hours of public service cleaning the toilets of government hospitals and a month of forced labour in one of the secret state farms in Mindanao. Before the offender(s) are released from his/their obligations, he/they must pay a bail of no less than P10,000 pesos to be used in the feeding programs of the DSWD. The offender(s) must also promise not to perform the owling posture should it become the new craze when planking dies out.  

Sounds too harsh? I bet it would be fun - like taking your pictures while planking in the oddest places just to impress everyone. And since the activity would be forbidden in the very near future. Let me end this thoughtless blabbing by imitating what everyone does these days:

The balls man, its ouchie!