The Grand Eyeball (First Part)

It was a night I will never forget... 

Just like what I've said to Spiker when I left - Every minute of the EB was worth it. Sana nakapagtagal pa ako para nakapag-bonding pa ako sa kanila. Pero it was time to leave then. 

Ten kaming nandun, I followed them to Malate. At first, nawala pa ako pero. They were great. Lots of Dancing - Hard Dancin' talking and everything. For the first time, I am home. I am not alone. 

I asked Spiker and Archerblaze of what will happen today. I am already awake and I have accepted myself as who I am and who will I be. They said everything will be fine, and yes everything was fine at the moment. 

February 17, 2002 

Bi-Pexers Unite Thread, Pinoyexchange

At past 10pm, the security guards ordered everyone to leave the campus. Most of the students had left, except for our group, who were still preparing for the council elections. 

The leaders have agreed to move the venue to one of our member's residence. There were still many tasks to finish and a night of consultation and planning is not enough.

But instead of joining the ranks, I asked the chairman if I could be excused. I cannot remember my exact alibi but it was along the lines of a "class project" and an "errand" at home. Since I was the secretary-general, my presence was necessary. I gave my word to return. The chairman gave his blessings and without telling the rest, I left the pavilion to ride a jeep in Dapitan.

My destination was Malate.

The trip took less than 30 minutes. It was a Saturday night and all roads lead to gimik places. The bars and clubs lining Nakpil were packed with merry-makers. Like them, I was nursing a hang-over from that week's Valentines.

I was told to join the Pexers when I learned of the eye-ball that evening. "We're already there" the organizer said when asked if the meet up pushed through. Being new to the gay side of Malate, it took sometime for me to find Orosa. When I caught glimpse of the meeting place, I waited across the street, thinking if its better to retreat.

There is no turning back once I got introduced.

What separates me from others who were still in the closet is that I was already comfortable being in the company of gay people. The college teems with folks who act more effeminate than some of the girls there. Besides, the political party was run by students from different walks of life. To close our doors to the pink community, some, even elected representatives of their class meant an end to our aspirations. It would be a slap on our party's face since half of the core group were actually gay.

But to be out in the open, like where I found myself in necessitates mind-conditioning. Given my place in the social hierarchy, one slip and my reputation would be forever tarnished. (or so I think) Yet, the need to connect was so strong that I was willing to risk everything - even my heterosexual relationship. In a few months I will be leaving the university. If I intend to start over and embrace what I had recognized a month before, might as well show up to those who first accepted me.

"Come join us, we're inside." The text message read. My heart pounded. What if someone from the group turned out to be an acquaintance?

Bahala na.

The watering hole at the corner of Nakpil and Orosa had a rainbow flag hoisted above the entrance. Ladida was its name and I've learned it was the ladies from the Girl to Girl thread who suggested the place.

Taking a very deep breath before sneaking past a forties lady who appears to be the proprietor, I made my way inside the dark-lit hall - to say hello to my future, and to catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror, finally a changed man.

- tobecontinued -