Peace In Our Time

Disclaimer: A reply to Shane's letter to Manila Gay Guy.

A year before my homosexual urges were recognized, a group of curious and closeted men banded together on MIRC. At a time when there was no real concept of "straight-acting gay men," they drew the line between the effeminates and masculines. The common belief then was that the effeminates turn discreets into fairies, and the only way to stop such conversions is to keep the loud types from joining the brotherhood. 

And so their recruitment process required intense screening. Any hint of feminine behavior; any chance of compromising the complex masquerades these closeted men apply and your application is revoked.

I was 20 years old at that time and still a newcomer. Though I was already exposed to the different hues of the "rainbow" because of the grand eyeball, I haven't met a group I can totally relate. Then all of a sudden, I met one of the founders of the brotherhood. Since we speak the same language and share common interests, he asked me to join.

The interview was easy. Turned out, I was more butch than some of the founding members. I was into alternative music, I was a jeans-and-shirt guy and, most of all, my barkada were all guys-who-speak-basketball-and-sexy-chicks-all-the-time. I didn't have to modulate my voice, or pretend to be someone else. I was straight-acting who likes boys.

I became a member, together with a dozen of other applicants who passed the screening. We were elated of course, because our entry to the brotherhood was our vindication. But what we didn't know was that a rift had already begun. A faction broke off from the brotherhood. They said the brotherhood was a purist and that, their ideals will never work in the long run. The brotherhood simply dismissed them as losers.

Thus, the effem-masculine divide grew into a full-scale discrimination. And there were many fronts. Every online forum, every dating and chat site has someone claiming he's discreet, straight-acting-bisexual-tripper who looks down on loud and effeminate guys. The forsaken ones were forced into embracing the "bisexual" label. So harsh was the discrimination that there was a time when those who called themselves bi's were immediately identified as fairies.

"Real bisexuals never have labels. They just trip." I once quipped.

The local gay scene was still in its infancy. The gays ahead of us had no idea that men who act straight could actually get attracted to someone who act the same. Queer as Folk made us realize some of our deepest flaws and longings, and while the "war" rages on, with each new generation of newbies claiming superiority over the effeminates, some of the straight-acting ones - the guys who actually started the divide were turning 180 degrees. They too had recognized the truth. 

The effeminates and masculines could co-exist.

Of course, there are grey areas, which no expert can resolve. One is preference. Straight-acting and discreet men will always feel comfortable going-out, sleeping around and dating their kind. It's a force of attraction; the same reason why some men have this fondness for twinks, others for big daddies, and for someone in my pack, has a certain liking for girly types. 

Second is that there are gay men who will prefer hiding in the closet. Some families and co-workers are not as accepting as others. Some gays (mostly the ones from my generation) still bear the "parlorista" stigma; this impression that people look down on men who likes men. No amount of convincing would encourage them to come out. It is best to leave them in peace. 

Third is that love blooms between fairies and butches. A loud co-worker is in fact, in a relationship with a guy. Someone who drops labels and takes things as they are. They celebrated their seventh anniversary last year. His gang of fairies would even claim that their market is far bigger than ours. Unfortunately, the love they enjoy - most to them, that is - involve monetary trade-offs.

But there will always be exceptions. 

More than a decade had passed since the "bitter divide" started, and the ones who pushed it first had somehow outgrew their purist tendencies. The last time I've checked, they were in the process of making peace with themselves. Even those who used to express strong dislike for effeminates eventually befriended them. I personally know some, and their transformation still amazes me. 

And for this reason, I believe the war has ended. I've seen straight-acting men getting along with effeminates, and effeminates having relationships with masculines. If there's any indication of how far we've come, the social media are our best bets. Just look at the DPs of some guys there. During my time, showing one's identity hint at being out and proud. Now it has become a practice for young ones to show their face pic when expressing their fondness for someone.

May this entry able to shed light to the age-old subject, while sharing a glimpse of history the way we lived it. Looking back, I think, the divide was necessary for us to learn. So we can start working together - effeminates and masculines in solving the more pressing concerns of the entire community. And while there would always be men who will exhaust all efforts to avoid effeminate association, as time would reveal, one must embrace the changes as he grows older. In the end, the straight-acting adopts a little, or at least follows to some degree, the ways of the effeminate.

Never in our history have we been so open; so accepting of the other as we are now. I don't know how old the letter sender is, but coming from the front lines, I still believe that it is far easier to make friends and find dates today than when our online lives began ten years ago.

* Asked some friends on Twitter if the phrase "no effems please" still rings on Planet Romeo and Grindr. (I have none) The consensus is yes. Apparently, people still brush aside one another even when they go to the same party places (O-Bar, Palawan) listen to the same music (Lady Gaga, Beyonce, Rihanna) and watch the same TV shows (America's Next Top Model, Glee). Fox, of the Encantos even say that those who discriminate are effems themselves.