Sitting in the gutter one night, a stranger - much younger than me reached down between my legs. He was feeling the package resting within.
"Malaki ba ito?" He tried unzipping my pants. I declined.
"Depende kung gusto ang kalaro." I then showed him an image of my cock. The one I sometimes store in my phone.
"Gusto mo?" He grinned.
"Saan?" I refused to get up despite his insistence to leave.
"Sa place mo."
"Hindi puwede dun." I dismissed.
"Bakit?" There was disappointment in his voice. After all the teasing we did during our unscheduled meet-up, he didn't expect his advances to be refused.
He was the first person I decided to see from Wechat. A complete stranger I came across after checking the mobile apps' social features. He was also the same guy who suggested the eye-ball. Because he lives nearby, and the prospects of getting laid was more enticing than self-restraint, I walked to his place expecting a fast and favorable outcome.
But instead of getting the deed done, we found ourselves sitting in the gutter as he had friends showing up unexpectedly for booze. He asked me to join, I turned down the invitation. Sensing that it might be a trap or an orgy given the situation, prudence reigned and consciously, made it more difficult for the gentleman to get into my pants.
Despite calls for abstinence, technology has made it easier for two strangers to connect for activities that lie within the heart of pleasure. And if not for reasons I share my dwelling space with loved ones, I find no reason not to go home with someone I am sexually attracted to. Even if he is a dubious character I met online. A one-track mind seldom sees risks, and given this habit to follow impulse rather than restraint, a raging boner will get me far.
Just like old times.
You may call it a change of heart that I have not given in to sexual persuasions even when the first one ended in disappointment. Nor I have let people lie in my bed save for the Weatherman and the whirlwind affair from Planet Romeo. Times have changed and chains that were already in place bind the strongest of wants. Had the stranger offered his place, there is a likely chance I would walk away without dropping a single vial of my seed.
At the back of my head, someone out there might offer a better deal.
But the decisions are mine alone, and given that a much lonelier, yearning soul finds himself in my shoes, he would have done differently during that chilly rainy evening. For lust, in its bare essentials is a longing for intimacy. A connection.
I have been there countless times before. Restless. On the verge of crashing. Where solace comes in the arms of complete strangers. And being in the front lines once more, I can only offer quiet understanding to why the trend goes on, sometimes with tragic outcome.
Rest in peace to those betrayed by their hearts.
And may they find light not far in the edge of darkness.