Encantadia (Act Two)

Dumating kami sa resort na pagod at walang laman ang sikmura. Maliban sa kornik na binuksan ni Dabo habang iniintay ang pagdating ni Bloiggster sa Shopwise Antipolo, ang huling kain ko ay alas 9 pa ng umaga.

Hindi nakapagtataka na habang binabagtas namin ang pabulusok na hagdan patungo sa aming cottege ay hindi ako makausap ng matino ninuman. Bukod kasi sa mabigat ang buhat-buhat kong mga galon ng mineral water ay nanginginig na rin ako sa gutom.

Kung inyong tatanungin, bakit hinayaan kong maging ganun ang aking kundisyon. Ang sagot: katakawan. Alam kong sa oras na magkalaman ang tiyan ko - maging ito'y sa pamamagitan ng paglamon ng isang mamon ay tiyak, panghihinaan akong kumain pagdating ng hapunan. Sayang naman ang mga pagkaing dinala ng mga kasama ko.

Ang aming cottege ay malapit sa swimming pool. Sa hindi malamang dahilan ay mukhang sadyang pinili ng organizer ang spot kung saan katapat lang namin ang men's shower room. Kayo na ang bahala mag-interpret ng mga bagay-bagay, pero isang dahilan kung bakit nabusog ang mga mata ko noong gabing iyon ay dahil sa dami ng eye-candy na aking nakita.

Mabilis pa sa alas kuwatro na naihanda ang mga pagkain sa lamesa. Naroon ang balde-baldeng kanin, adobong baboy, pansit bihon, lumpiang shanghai, ginisang hipon at pati na rin ang custard cake na sadyang bi-nake pa ni Pedok para sa okasyon. Lingid sa kaalaman ng marami ay matagal ko nang kilala si Pedok, subalit dahil nabibilang kami sa magkaibang paksyon sa loob ng isang grupo, ito marahil ang pangalawang beses na nagkasama kami sa iisang lamesa matapos ang unang pagkikita namin sa Tagaytay.

Malalim na ang gabi kaya't kaagad rin kaming lumusong sa pool upang walang masayang na oras sa aming paglagi. Dahil nasa tuktok ng bundok ang aming resort, tiyak na pamatay ang tubig sa lamig nito. Si Dabo ang may sala kung bakit napalangoy ako kahit nagpapahinga pa ang iba naming mga kasama. Mukha yatang pangarap niyang mabansagang sirena sa mundo ng aming munting Encantadia.

Nakailang laps rin ako bago sumunod sina Darwin at Lukayo. Hindi ako nagkamali, parehong swimmer ang dalawa. Matapos pa ang ilang minuto ay nakisali na rin si Pinuno at ang kanyang kasamang si Luna Mystika na mukhang kapatid ni Sirena. Halatang hindi sanay sa lamig si Luna Mystika kaya't tinuruan ko pa itong ilubog ang kanyang buong katawan upang ito ay masanay sa tubig.

Ang sarap sana makipagharutan sa mga kasama namin. Ang sirena ay ready na makipag-arm wrestling subalit walang may gusto sapagkat lahat sila ay nasa iba't ibang sulok ng pool. Ang Prinsesa at Lukayo ay dagling umahon at naupo sa gilid nang magtagpo sila sa malalim na bahagi ng swimming pool. Maaring hindi nila pansin subalit lahat ng mata ay nakatutok sa kanilang dalawa.

---

Nagsimulang maglakbay ang Jose Cuervo at yung Vodka paikot ng lamesa. Ang Tanggero ay si Tasya Pantasya. Si Tasya Pantasya ay isang malaking lalaki na mas mapapagkamalan bouncer sa Palawan Bar sa halip na isang Call Center Executive sa Makati. Sabi nila ay nagbebenta daw siya ng mga Tulips sa mga Amerikano galing Netherlands. Paborito rin daw niya manghimas ng tiyan ng lalaki kaya't hilig niya ang mga chubby.

Si Tasya Pantasya (o si Tsupaeng sa entry ni Dabo) ay higit na kilala bilang isang expertong karinyoso ng mga lalaki. Nang siya ay unang magpakita kina Pinuno sa resthouse nina Pedok, bali-balita na naka-iskor daw siya doon sa artistahin nilang kainuman. Kahit si Darwin na maituturing na pinaka-gwaping sa Encantadia ay butata sa pinakitang galing ni Tasya Pantasya. Simula noon, lagi siyang inaasar na kaya lang niya nakuha ang binatilyo ay dahil pinakitaan ito ng limpak-limpak na mga credit cards.

Noong gabing kami'y nagkasama sa tagayan nakita ko siyang kaharutan si Ewok.

---

If there is something I learned about the new batch of guys joining our group, it is that you will feel their loyalty to Centurion/FireFox. From being challenged and later abandoned during our first run, he is now the undisputed leader of a very active thread in Guys4Men. He can block anyone who crosses his path, and can walk in places assured of an entourage behind his back. Things have indeed changed and as his long-time companion in the world of PLU cyberspace, I am happy that he finally found his place.

It was already 2 am. The biggest casualty during our liquor run was Bloiggster. Darwin fell as well. Good thing, there was a willing lap to catch his head. As Dabo slept in one corner and Luna Mystika was being looked after by Pinuno somewhere in the cottages downstairs, I realized that I was in an unfamiliar company. Good thing Tsupaeng was a great host and a master entertainer.

His stories would later change my way of seeing things.


El Tumbador.

-tobecontinued-

Encantadia (Act One)

Ask me not where they got the name, but the group has been expanding since Pinuno created a new thread late last year.

This new expansion brought new faces. Some were interesting, while many would just come and leave when their intentions did not mix well with the aims of the group. In PLU Group Dynamics, the biggest threat to any Barkadahan is the Kariran. The Outsiders had to leave PEx behind when we felt that the group was being ripped apart by newcomers, who often ended up being an eye-candy or the cannon-fodder of some older members. The Alliance remains a small and informal community of PLU bloggers. Whatever turbulence we have as a group remains isolated and easy to overlook with each successful reunion. Meanwhile, the core of the Tripper's Clan immediately realized how convenient it is to manage a tight and very exclusive clique to further its aims. It may not have the ancient brotherhood of the Outsiders, or the loose bond of the Alliance, but you can see in the eyes of each member how every group activity leaves them looking forward for the coming one.

The dynamics of Encantadia is very different. It began as a kariran group during its earliest reincarnation. Its first grand eyeball triggered a split between the core and what kept it steady through the fractious months was its regular Tagayan sessions in Quatro and DB Bar. Those who stayed behind waded through the division by recruiting new members until the core had its complete reunification last December. As for the new members, many of them have moved on for one reason or another. Those who faithfully remained were the first comers - the ones who witnessed my arrival in the thread after first meeting the Diwata two years ago.

The continuous movement of people made me cynic about how the group runs these days. The rookies I met last January were no more. In their places were the ones the core had an inuman a few weeks ago. Since my absence prevented me from meeting these guys last time, (for I was in another social function that night) I decided to remain distant until the new ones were able to blend with the group. It was my stand even when it was Darwin who put up a swimming party for Encantadia. Had it not for my bigger objectives I set early this month, my presence during the welcome inuman for Bloiggster when his plane landed from Cebu last Friday would already suffice.

However, I realized the importance of this event after some deep reflections. First is that it was a Despedida get-together for a friend who is leaving abroad. Our relationship may not be close, but he is one of the core members of the group. Second is that Darwin rarely organize activities for Encantadia. To put down his passion without any consideration is something I may regret in the days to come. Finally, two invited guys only agreed to show up if I would come as well. Though they may do so in their own accord, still it would be easier to convince their presence if I throw my hat in support.

So I said yes to the swimming party even if I would lose a week's clubbing moment in Malate.

---

My shift was over by 5 pm. The two other guys invited were Dabo and Lukayo. We all agreed to meet at the Alliance Headquarters, which is a ride away from the office. Barely slept and barely eaten, it was certain that I would most likely power down even before the inuman starts later that night.

We left an hour later to rendezvous with the rest of the gang in Cubao. Uncertain of the provisions brought by Darwin's group, we decided to procure our own supplies. Lukayo parked his car in front of KFC and then we went to Shopwise to buy bottles of mineral water and chips in case we run out of food at the resort.

It was already past 7 in the evening when everyone showed up. It would be a long trip going to Antipolo so we left even without getting introduced to the others who arrived.

---

Masaya sa loob ng kotse ni Lukayo. Palibhasa ay medyo sanay na akong makasama silang dalawa ni Dabo sa lakaran kaya't chill ako na kasabay sila. Habang papunta sa Cubao ay nagsosound trip pa nga kami gamit ang Ipod ko. Evolution ng House Music ang subject ng aming kuwentuhan. Tinuro ko sa kanilang dalawa ang signature sounds ng bawat clubs na pinasukan ko at kung ano ang signs ng isang clubber na PLU.

Habang paakyat ng Antipolo ay sa amin nakisabay si Pinuno at ang kanyang kasamang si Misteryoso. Si Misteryoso ay tila parang nakababatang kapatid ni Dabo dahil sa kulay ng kanilang balat, built ng kanilang katawan at hawig nila sa mukha. Buong gabi nga namin silang inasar dalawa, lalo na nung magkasabay nilang pinagpiyestahan ang inihaw na Bangus sa lamesa. Malayo ang biyahe at halatang ramdam na ng driver ang gutom at pagod. Bilang pakisama ay hindi ako kumain o kaya naman ay umidlip habang hindi kami nakakarating sa aming patutunguhan. Madalas ay sabay rin kami magyosi dahil alam kong yun na lang ang nagpapalamig ng kanyang ulo.

Maraming pasikot-sikot ang ginawa namin sa Antipolo. Convoy kami kaya't medyo mabagal ang ahon paakyat ng bundok. Bago makarating ng simbahan ay nadaanan namin ang ledge kung saan nakipagsentihan ako sa isang kaibigan sa entry na Ridge Racer. Sariwa pa rin sa aking alaala ang gabing iyon.

Makipot ang daan sa bayan kaya't medyo nagkaligaw-ligaw pa kami bago makuha ang aming kakaining hapunan. Mabuti at naroon si Bloigg upang magsilbing aming navigator. Kumaliwa kami sa isang kalsada hindi malayo sa crossing patungong Tanay at Taytay. Madilim ang daan at tila walang mga sasakyang dumaraan dito. Nakita namin ang billboard pagkarating namin sa dulo. Loreland Farm Resort ang kanyang pangalan.

Pasado alas-nuwebe na.
Pagod ang lahat ng tao
at si Lukayo ay mukhang mainit na ang ulo.


Si Pinuno at ang kanyang Sayoteng lobo



- tobecontinued-

Stripperella Redux

What is with these muscular men who strip down, aim their digital cameras on their toned and ripped bodies, take shots of it in different lights and angles and then upload it on the internet to serve as their avatars? Have we become so attached to aesthetics that it precedes sensibilities as our emissary in cyberspace?

Some would explain that they are just trying to preserve their anonymity. Good point. After all, most of these guys live a double-life. Deep-down, their human instinct emerges and it yearns for a unique identity that will reinforce their presence online. But is this all the reason they could come up with? Addressing the issue of anonymity is easy. One can remain anonymous by wearing his favorite shirt or blurring his face and then putting it as his avatar.

But no. These guys would still get tempted to expose their well-sculpted physique in order to convey a subliminal message to others.

And as a non-straight masculine guy for seven years, I know exactly what they are trying to say.

I remember my first year in guys4men.

Back then, I was on the plus side. Not knowing the culture of the hook-up site I found myself in, I placed a face-picture as my main profile. I tried to befriend the guys I found interesting. Obviously, most of these guys are the ones whose main profile appear above so sex was never my intention. In those days, I already understood the unspoken hierarchy among gays which I tried to disprove. I sent them cordial private messages expressing my desire to communicate. These short letters would include the phrases "ang ganda ng katawan mo," or "hingi naman ng tips paano maachieve ang physique mo" or base my opening statements according to what they have written in their profiles. Unfortunately very few would reply. One even blocked me after telling this guy how I found him astig. Those who would answer back would just thank you for the compliment and then ignore you when attempting to engage them in a conversation. It's a harsh world I tell you. No wonder, some members would create threads about why guys would ignore them when they are physically unappealing. I tried consoling these poor souls by telling them my personal exprience.

I learned from the Arclight experiment how things turn around when you have the looks, body built and sensible appeal to sway over other guys to your hemisphere. As some of you have read in my earlier entries, Arclight was a faux-profile created by stealing a photo from another guy I found on Friendster. I made his character so impressive, that it was the guys who have the body-to-die-for who send him face-pictures just to win his favor. The experiment was so effective that it inspired me to become the profile I used to stalk on others.

In two years, I was able to catch up with Arclight. I may not have the appeal to win over his worshippers but my last reincarnation was able to engage the ones who would ignore me when it was my plus-sized avatar who sent them private messages. The formula was simple really: to get their attention, you must become one of them.

So I stripped down exposing my skin. It wasn't as toned as theirs. I don't have big biceps to use for intimidation nor a pumped up chest or six-pack abs to impress my physique on others. My avatar was enough to give an impression of a masculine guy trying to communicate with another masculine guy.

Somehow they understood my message.

One thing about PLUs of these types is that they are more defensive than their average counterparts. With their inboxes often flooded with senseless invitations of hook-ups or messages with prematurely romantic overtones, they tend to put up higher barriers and walls to separate those who just desire them sexually from those who would really take them seriously. If it is a carnal or romantic engagement, they would choose an equal or someone who is better. If it is a friendly banter, they would at least pick someone who could see them eye to eye:

Someone who crops their head, exposes their fit bodies and write short and conscise blurbs in their profiles.

---

This is how things are being done between two physically imposing guys trying to recognize each other's dominance.

---

And so the habit went on, spreading from one online forum to another. A guy out-guying another guy showing his naked body in an attempt to subtly catch the person he seeks the attention. It is a subliminal expression of teritoriality over a space he considers his own; an ancient behavior of dominance that others would acknowledge and respect. It is a display of strength and manhood so that others will never see him as a pushoever, especially in potentially hostile places like hook-up sites or online forums about fitness and health.

It is a tool of attraction; a recognition of his highly sexual nature.

I don't know if others think the same way.

But the moment I strip down - whether in the dance floor or in the profiles - it is the dominant I, who emerges.

Pairings

Imagine yourself being invited to a Videoke Party. There are nine of you in the group and one turns out to be the odd one out. Looking around, you see all of them inside the room - including the outcast. Everyone seems to be paired with someone and you feel a little pity to the one who was left out. You wondered how come he has no partner, when he can easily get one the moment he steps inside his favorite watering spots. He's not that bad looking either to be ignored by someone. Perhaps it was his miscalculation that brought him to this most unfortunate situation. Whatever his reasons are, you just feel guilty that you could not keep him company.

It all began a few days earlier. The newest couple in the group organized a get-together. I don't know, perhaps they just wanted to be seen and brag at how they ended up being together. You know how new couples are. Anyway, everyone was invited, including one of their friends who has a wife and kids, and still chooses to find another guy to keep him company. Funny. The guy he is with right now, which we will call Piolo for this entry was once involved with one of the guys belonging to the new couple.

Anyway, I do not know how Piolo and this guy who is married came to be. What I do know is that Piolo loves to flirt around and the guys in the group find him very attractive. I find him too effeminate for my taste, so I let him be. I just don't want him near my periphery.

Expecting that there will be pairings during the gathering, the leader asked the odd-one-out if he could be assured of his presence. You see, this odd guy has this habit of committing to an activity only at the last minute. He avoids being expected. Understanding the leader's situation, he confirmed his presence without double-checking his activities the day he was needed. However, as a suggestion, he told the Pinuno to bring someone from his legion of thread watchers. It's high time to reward the most loyal subject of his little empire.

Past 7 in the evening the following day, they met somewhere in Cubao. The leader followed the odd guy's suggestion and brought along a kid from the thread. His name was Ardent, a 19 year-old guy who's just new in the non-straight scene. The leader assured him of protection from those who might prey on his charm and innocence. His core members, after all, have this tendency to make karir to those the leader introduces to the group.

An hour later they all showed up in front of Music 21 in Timog Avenue. They were in full force - The new couple, the leader and his new apprentice, and the married guy and Piolo. The pairings made the odd guy feel awkward so he reverted back to his soloflight/free-spirit mode. I guess things would have been easier if he was fine being with the married guy and his boylet. Since they had only met twice and had a history of revulsion toward one another, he felt almost an outsider.

Barrels of draft beer kept coming and going inside their small room. Food was everywhere but since the Odd guy had prematurely binged in a nearby fastfood restaurant earlier, hunger was never his concern. Later that night, another pair decided to join the group leaving the odd guy more unease with the people around him. Good thing the new pair were never couples - they were friends, perhaps with benefits. As song after song was being sung in the videoke, the more he fills his glass with beer. In the end, he just surrendered to the truth that he was alone.

I cannot deny that at that moment he was seeking any semblance of belongingness. He is not tough as most people would think. At the back of his head, probably he was cursing himself for not keeping a squad of boylets to choose from and tag along on occasions like this. He might have remembered another party, in another group, where there was literally a mad rush among the attendees to find someone to show at the event. Good thing, the odd guy was taken so despite showing up alone in the party, he can always tell his partner to pick him up.

This time, things were different.

Halfway through his stay at the videoke night, I noticed him staring at his phone more than the people around him. He was busy texting someone - perhaps his supposed to be pair for the night. I cannot really fathom what his thoughts were, but I'm sure he would have invited his new cyberfriend if it was appropriate to do so.

At past midnight, fates have overturned the relationship between the pairs. Drunk to the point of being a little rowdy, everyone was casting their eyes toward the pair of another. The married guy found one of the guys who arrived later a little more interesting than his boylet. His boylet, Piolo, was planning to make a move towards Ardent who sat quietly beside the leader. I would learn from the leader that Piolo actually asked Ardent if he could stay in his place the next morning. Pinuno was busy crooning to senti songs, which some of us never heard before. He seems contented finding his new junior. As for the couple who organized the gathering, they ended up doing a duet of the cheesiest love songs they could find in the song list. Days later, one of the couple would sought our help to look after his beloved while he resumes his projects out of the city.

Looking around, I found the odd guy staring at the mirror

whose eyes' reflection stared back at me.

He left early that night telling everyone that he's needed elsewhere. Since everyone felt how out of place he was, he was able to leave without much protestations.

I learned the following day that he chilled in a coffee shop somewhere in Katipunan, where after a half hour of waiting, found himself sliding in the front seat of a red Mazda 3 sportscar.

He might have endured an evening being the odd one out, but the night ended with him, having a pair of his own.

Exercise Of Vital Powers

Dodong suggested after paying him a visit at his new pad last week that instead of focusing my attention to a single person, I should take advantage of my single hood and explore different worlds by meeting and dating as much guys as possible. His thoughts fumbled me. Knowing that in all matters of attachment, I try to have a one-track mind to avoid confusing my heart and avoid hurting other people in the process. Perhaps this is the reason why I raised walls and avoided exposure to places that would keep me distracted. I always believed that having a clear line of sight when it comes to romantic engagements would make the transition easier. However, realizing how much I lost by depriving myself of the opportunities to enjoy my freedom, I began taking steps to claim everything that could possibly be mine.

Days have passed and Centurion's successful GEB/Reunion is still the talk of his circle. Feedback was provided by Tagay, and from our intermittent conversations yesterday, he gave an impression that he was quite "fond" of the new recruits for he found them quite "interesting" and "cool" to hang out with.

Tagay's recollection of events and details were enough to make me very curious. I know that I could not easily barge into Centurion's G4M Thread since I am still bound by a pact with Odin. On the other hand, doing nothing except to send feelers to Centurion of my existence would not help boost my presence in the group. Somehow I was worried that when the next Inuman GEB comes, I might end up being out of place in the table.

Therefore, I had to make some provisions to the pact. With Odin's permission which he gave this afternoon, I was able to access Guys4Men using Pinuno's secondary account.

---

Guys4Men will never be Guys4Men if the website never exudes a sense of promiscuity, karir and SEB. Odin only allowed for a maximum of 15 minutes to access the website. He bought my reasons and as a token of my gratitude, I was willing to share the password should he decide to check the website for himself. He declined my offer stating that he had no use for it. As for me, the purpose was clear and the moment I found myself in the sex and intimacy forum, I sought the most discreet thread that I could find there.

Pinuno's thread still has the trappings of his old nooks. Only members who have no "face-pics" were acknowledged by the members. Effeminates were usually discouraged to join for most of them never really sought friendship. Aside from not being able to relate to the majority, experience tells that their goal was to flirt around or harass the thread for being biased against them until they get blocked by the founder. In Centurion's circle, emphasis is given to masculinity and discreetness. The more koboy you are, the faster you get to be absorbed by the group. It is this one-sided policy that made his thread notorious in the forum. What is ironic is that despite being a thread for masculines and closeted guys, we had the respect of many effeminates in the forum.

For we were never bashers despite our preference for our own exclusivity.

New profiles abound when I arrived at Centurion's thread. Some of them were already preceded by impressions from my earlier conversations with the core members. However, for the most part of my stay, I was an outsider. If not for Darwin and Pinuno's acknowledgment of my presence, the new recruits would never learn that I am the fifth core member within their "Kuyas'" inner circle.

My time is short and my allegiances in G4M remain far and wide. One of the threads that I paid a visit was the Eclipse Thread in the Sports and Fitness Forum. The three dedicated posters lead by Juan8 still faithfully keeps the thread running and continues to recruit new members they can introduce to our gym. Unfortunately, no one was online when I came so I left a post to let them know that I'm still around. In the Arts and Literature Forum, the Blog Thread where I met some members of the Alliance still looks after their little nook. New bloggers were still posting their links there. When they expand their connections in blogspace a few months from now, there is no doubt that they would stumble on this blog too.

Going back to Centurion's stronghold, I was introduced to some of the new recruits who guard the thread day and night. Mike2639 and silentboi19 are one of them. They ensure that the thread never gets buried under countless other threads ranging from seeking SEB invitations or discussions on kinky subjects such as "cum drinking" and "double penetration." Tagay was right, the new batch were an interesting mix and I look forward to meeting some of them in the near future. My brief presence reminded me of DN and his elite guard of Anime worshipers who used to look after the "Bahay" while I preoccupied myself making silly remarks on other threads or searching for hook-ups whenever I get horny.

These are the things I miss about G4M. Had I put more thrust on friendship rather than whoring myself around, I wouldn't mind going back after the pact with Odin expires this summer. However, remembering how turbulent and depressing those times were, I think it would be best to keep myself as far away as possible and depend on Pinuno and Darwin for news about home.

I logged out after staying for one hour in G4M. It was 45 minutes late from the agreed time of exposure which Odin only allowed. In my stay there, I received two SEB invitations from horny guys (using Centurion's account) which I ignored and screened a new member who is now the newest member of our circle.

---

Mugenblue-Odinhood Pact
Provision 001:

So let it be known, that today, December 29, 2008. Mugen will access the website Guys4Men using Centurion's second account. It is to personally welcome Pinuno's new recruits to the group in hopes that my presence in their drinking events would give a sense of familiarity to the new members when they meet the last of the core.

Odin was notified of this decision and, with hesitation, had given his permission to access the site for 15 minutes.

Centurion was requested to change his password when the time of exposure is over. This is to avoid further breach of agreement if Mugen would insist for a prolonged presence in that website.

---

December 30, 4:00 AM
I should have stayed overnight in a convent
This is indeed an exercise of vital powers.

Confessions Of A Boy Lover (Part Two)

"Ikakasal na dapat siya noon. Handa na ang invitation, ang simbahan, ang reception ang lahat. Bigla siyang kumabig. Natakot yata. Kinansel bigla ang kasal."

- Centurion

---

Those of us belonging to the first internet generation of PLUs would often joke around that there is no such thing as bisexuals. Everyone labels themselves as one to make them appear more masculine than the ones who brand themselves gays in the chat room. The label became so overused that the real masculine ones stopped calling themselves "bi" and instead, began inventing new labels like straight-tripper and discreet to separate themselves from the "bi's," who are now made up of effeminates-in-denial, or twinks who do not understand the unspoken hierarchy in every gay hook-up sites around.

We would scoff at the idea of someone admitting himself to being bisexual and keeps a girlfriend, when he's an expert in giving a blow jobs or takes the catcher role in bed. The real swingers would never speak of their code switching and instead would leave a cryptic answer such as "trip-trip lang" when you ask what their intentions are in conversations.

If not for Darwin's past life, the concept of someone swinging both ways and enjoying it will never enter my consciousness. He is a living, breathing example that not everyone lives with a Black and White view of things. The shaded areas where he belongs will always be a subject of much debate, but the exposure to it will leave a sense of wonder and insight to anyone brave enough to take a peek.

"Nung seven years old ako..." Darwin began while guzzling his Nth bottle of San Miguel Light, "Sa amin nakatira yung uncle ko." He paused to puff a stick of Marlboro before resuming his story. "Yung mama ko laging gusto eh pinapatabi sa kwarto si Uncle. Tutal pareho naman daw kaming lalaki." In those days, I remember parents preferring to leave their sons to a male relative's care rather than keep them with a female kin. They fear that prolonged exposure to women at a very young age might leave the male child absorbing their feminine ways. If Darwin was entrusted to a male relative, my parents surrounded me with female helpers out of fear that a male household member might do something unpleasant to my little sister. However, in Darwin's situation, the idea backfired. Having a male teenager as a roommate whose raging hormones forced him to seek an outlet made Darwin a vulnerable target.

"Gabi-gabi may nangyayari sa amin ng uncle ko."

I turned to Pinuno and saw him froze in his seat. The gravity of Darwin's story was too heavy that it left us gasping for air. "Noong una umiiyak pa ako pag pinapagawa niya sa akin yun... pero nung tumagal na enjoy ko na." Pinuno asked Darwin if he tried to tell his mom what was happening during those nights. Darwin answered in a plain tone that it was no use. The accusations might just be used against him.

The clandestine activities only stopped when his uncle left his place. Darwin, for all the trauma he took as a child, was able to live a normal life. He had girlfriends, achieved good grades in school, and got a girl pregnant in his early twenties. At twenty seven, he was ready to settle down with his long-time fiancée. The arrangements for his grand wedding were already in place and invitations were sent to friends and family members expecting a big feast. As the wedding day approached, an unexpected revelation ruined everything. Darwin never intended to hide his past from his fiancée. However, when he confessed having a kid with another woman long before they met and that kid will visit the country months after their wedding, the bride-to-be had a fit of rage.

With a sway of one hand, the wedding was called off. Relatives, who were ready to head to Manila suddenly received the biggest disappointment of their lives. The hundreds of thousands of pesos spent on the arrangements went for nothing. Darwin never even got a refund. When the dust had settled and the girl had been knocked back to her senses, it was Darwin who lost interest in the wedding. They split up afterwards.

Our friend would describe the months after the failed union as his age of hedonistic rampage. He would go to places around the country, sample their delights and splurge his money like there's no tomorrow. He was a runaway train bent on a head-on collision with the grand central station, and only his mother's timely intervention stopped him from his tracks.

His mother suggested that he should invest his remaining money in business. After all, he is getting old and needed to focus on urgent things in life - like finding means to support himself aside from getting an eight-hour job. Weary and with nowhere else to go, he followed her advice and opened a travel agency somewhere in Taft. It was the first among his several business ventures that belong to the empire he rules today.

We knew, from his earliest presence in G4M that he has a knack for being an exhibitionist in cyberspace. With his dark, smooth features and rock-hard abs, his nakedness was a sight to behold. Sometimes, he would show up in the thread just to announce having a show in the chat room. The headless guys who flocked the thread would suddenly disappear and we would later find out that everyone left to see Darwin whack his ding-dong-ding on cam.

His penchant for doing nude shows lead him from the heterosexual crowd towards the gay flock. "Mahilig kasi ako dating mag-show sa YM. Eh nung minsan, napunta ako sa Men's Locker Room. Hindi ko kasi alam na ganun pala ang mga tao dun, akala ko may mga babae." His mistake was admissible. Inside the mind of a very horny straight boy, a very horny girl would go to chat rooms swarmed by perv men. What Darwin did not anticipate is that the room was flocked not by girls but gay and bi guys.

"Hayun nga, nagshoshow ako sa chatroom pero ang pinagtataka ko, bakit puro lalaki ang nagvie-view sa akin," he chuckles. "Yun pala nung nagtanong na ako kung may babae dun, lahat sila nagtawanan kasi puro bading daw yung nandon. Umalis na ako."

However, there's this one chatter persistent enough to hound him wherever room he went. The chatter was Darwin's biggest admirer and no matter how he tried to push the chatter away, the chatter would simply come back trying to win the trust and confidence of our friend.

"Paano ko naman hindi lalayuan, sobrang bata nung humahabol tapos lalaki pa." He paused again to have a gulp of his third beer bottle after he began telling his story. "Kaso nung nagpakita ng picture, gwapo pala, tapos maputi. Hindi mukhang bading kaya na-curious ako." From that point onward, I knew something in his childhood triggered his curiosity. "Okay na sana maging tropa lang kami kaso mo nalaman niya na graduate rin ako ng Ateneo High School at naghahanap siya ng tutor para sa UPCAT."

He is aware that the stakes were high but the gains were too much to ignore. Darwin said that the kid was a product of a broken family. The kid's dad stayed in the United States while his mom lived in Germany. Both of them have their own families and it was his matron aunt who served as his guardian and caretaker. Despite having no parents, the family lived an opulent life. The kid was supported by both his parents while the aunt spent most of her time with the amigas than his senior high school nephew.

It was clear that the kid was looking not only for a male role model but a big brother who could take care of him. Darwin fitted all the credentials and the task assigned to him was very simple.

"Sabi sa akin nung aunt, i-tutor ko daw yung bata two hours every day. Four hundred ang bayad kada oras. Sa isang buwan magkano rin yun diba?" He was directing his question to Pinuno. Being an educator himself, the leader nodded at Darwin.

"So pumayag ako maging tutor nung bata."

"At nung bandang huli, nagsimulang may mangyari sa amin."

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-tobecontinued-

Confessions Of A Boy Lover (Part One)

It used to be a big question why older men appeal to me.

My first lover was 27 when he found me drunk and dancing at the second floor of a bar in Malate. I was 21. A few years later, the oldest I slept with was a man older than my father. I was 25 when I saw myself panting and moaning at his pad one weekend night. In the bath house where I once roamed with lustful eyes, heads were turned on me. The ones who were checking were not the twinks or the jocks, it was the daddies and the trolls who stood on dark corners waiting for their unsuspecting prey to come closer. As far as I can recall, kids seldom caught my attention other than seeing them being my little brothers. It was someone I could see being a big brother that always won my heart over.

For years, I tried to study the trends so I could understand my psyche better. Do I look for older men because I long for a big brother who could shelter me? Do I seek someone older because I find them mature and engaging to be with? The answers were baffling, but I took them at face value. Complete understanding with the way I think would have been lost as years add more crumples to my face. Only did last night I began to truly appreciate that everything begins with one's formative years. Whatever happens in those crucial years of a person's life will have an impact that may last one's lifetime.

What is strange is that the catharsis did not come from someone who shares the same mindset with me. Instead, it was from someone totally different. If my preference sways toward the big brother archetypes, he was the opposite.

His liking gravitates toward twinks.

Pinuno had kept himself busy by gathering his old guards from GuysforMen. His plan was to resurrect the old clan and accommodate more sensible and koboy straight-acting men to join the group. Since the pact with Odin puts me out of recruitment, my presence serves as a moral booster to the four of us in the core. We go out to have a drink and with it flows the story of our lives. Broken bonds get mended and as the bottles of beer pile up, so is the revelations as to who we are beyond the profiles we once had in the hook-up site.

Pinuno and I knew each other long before we get to bond with the other two who now declares their affliation to the barkada. Tagay, the third will always be the guy I made out at a billiard bar restroom and get to stay closely connected after our moment. Darwin, our newest comrade recently broke up and needed the support of non-straight friends. We are the only one he knew so the moment it was over for them, he began showing up in our tagayan.

Of the four of us, Darwin has the most distinguishable reputation in the barkada. He is your typical ultra-discreet jock who holds sway among the guys he cross. He is a shameless flirt, a notorious bed mate and his exhibitionist nature on the internet had once warped my imagination. At 32, his boyish looks and charming appeal would never fail to snarl his prey. His thriving business empire and good school background makes him a very, very good catch. The only downside to all his credentials is that he only digs twinks.

For Darwin, the younger and better-looking you are, the more you become fuckable to him.

I once asked Pinuno about Darwin's life before he became a PLU. You see, despite seeing each other during inuman, I never get to talk to our new friend about his life the way me and the leader intimately knew each other. Darwin and I would horse around, gay talk each other in text messaging or talk about his life with his ex partner, but not his beginnings nor his reasons for being a bisexual.

Pinuno told me what he knew about him.

The real story however, only burst like a dam last night over countless buckets of San Miguel Light we downed until dawn somewhere in Trinoma.

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-tobecontinued-

To Remember The Dark, Will Never Let Us Lose Sight Of The Light

Guys4Men, early this year

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Mugen: would it be alright to bookmark you so...


....So that even in this dark and forsaken place, I would still be reminded that there is light?

Spiritual Adviser: Tell me so I can pray with u or for u ...
Miy problems is worth half a million > how much is yours. Im not loosing hope.

God is good to me all the time.

Mugen: Nothing really that big. I'm just trying to contain my urges. :)

Thanks for replying. It really means a lot.

Spiritual Adviser: Why dont u jack off or look for someone to jack u off. dont control your murges, let go to the one u love...

Mugen: I'd try that. Maybe its my exposure here that's driving me this way.

Spiritual Adviser: Exposure to way ang edad mo ay eded ng malilibog dats why u need a lover or partner to fool arouid.

Spiritual Adviser: There is nothing wrong with having a release with another consenting adult.

Mugen: It's like this. Something inside me wants to compete in those sex forums. But when I get rejected, an urge to fight back takes over me. It's like an endless cycle - me looking for approval. What's worse is that what I'm just seeking is an approval; that I could not accept being rejected.

I know everyone gets one. Maybe I don't get it yet. Somehow your presence enabled me to break the cycle.

Mugen: I know. I just think that i'm too sexual that's why I'm concerned. :)

Spiritual Adviser: With my age, I had a thousand rejections. Rejection is normal. If we are rejcted, by some one then lets move on.

50% of the guys in the sex forum are just fooling around.Pagdi mo kilala ang tao di ka dapat mag seb kasi u either get held up or hold up or std or hiv....

So be cool and take rejection with a good laugh

Mugen: thats what i'm trying to learn.

Thank you very much for listening. Next time we see each other. I will make sure i'm in a better standing than it is today.

God bless po.

Spiritual Adviser: are u a virgin in sexual matters ?

Mugen: nope. thats what i'm afraid of. If I'd unleash myself right now, I'd released the sexual side of me.

Spiritual Adviser: hahahahahahaha.

Hindi naman ganyan. I can teach u one by one if u like.
Its not that serious. Ur standards and moiral values with still control u.

my number 09164xxxxx. im glove unlitixt so pwede tau text if globe ka na. My nephew will use the pc. text ka pa glove ka. keep in touch.

U sound delicious, In my 55 years never had a virgin in my entire life.

God bless,

Mugen: Thanks. Take care and god bless. My shift is over. See you again here.

Spiritual Adviser: I will be your sex slave. hehehehehehe

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Odin, are you ready?
Semaj, marami pa akong kwento..