It used to be a big question why older men appeal to me.
My first lover was 27 when he found me drunk and dancing at the second floor of a bar in Malate. I was 21. A few years later, the oldest I slept with was a man older than my father. I was 25 when I saw myself panting and moaning at his pad one weekend night. In the bath house where I once roamed with lustful eyes, heads were turned on me. The ones who were checking were not the twinks or the jocks, it was the daddies and the trolls who stood on dark corners waiting for their unsuspecting prey to come closer. As far as I can recall, kids seldom caught my attention other than seeing them being my little brothers. It was someone I could see being a big brother that always won my heart over.
For years, I tried to study the trends so I could understand my psyche better. Do I look for older men because I long for a big brother who could shelter me? Do I seek someone older because I find them mature and engaging to be with? The answers were baffling, but I took them at face value. Complete understanding with the way I think would have been lost as years add more crumples to my face. Only did last night I began to truly appreciate that everything begins with one's formative years. Whatever happens in those crucial years of a person's life will have an impact that may last one's lifetime.
What is strange is that the catharsis did not come from someone who shares the same mindset with me. Instead, it was from someone totally different. If my preference sways toward the big brother archetypes, he was the opposite.
His liking gravitates toward twinks.
Pinuno had kept himself busy by gathering his old guards from GuysforMen. His plan was to resurrect the old clan and accommodate more sensible and koboy straight-acting men to join the group. Since the pact with Odin puts me out of recruitment, my presence serves as a moral booster to the four of us in the core. We go out to have a drink and with it flows the story of our lives. Broken bonds get mended and as the bottles of beer pile up, so is the revelations as to who we are beyond the profiles we once had in the hook-up site.
Pinuno and I knew each other long before we get to bond with the other two who now declares their affliation to the barkada. Tagay, the third will always be the guy I made out at a billiard bar restroom and get to stay closely connected after our moment. Darwin, our newest comrade recently broke up and needed the support of non-straight friends. We are the only one he knew so the moment it was over for them, he began showing up in our tagayan.
Of the four of us, Darwin has the most distinguishable reputation in the barkada. He is your typical ultra-discreet jock who holds sway among the guys he cross. He is a shameless flirt, a notorious bed mate and his exhibitionist nature on the internet had once warped my imagination. At 32, his boyish looks and charming appeal would never fail to snarl his prey. His thriving business empire and good school background makes him a very, very good catch. The only downside to all his credentials is that he only digs twinks.
For Darwin, the younger and better-looking you are, the more you become fuckable to him.
I once asked Pinuno about Darwin's life before he became a PLU. You see, despite seeing each other during inuman, I never get to talk to our new friend about his life the way me and the leader intimately knew each other. Darwin and I would horse around, gay talk each other in text messaging or talk about his life with his ex partner, but not his beginnings nor his reasons for being a bisexual.
Pinuno told me what he knew about him.
The real story however, only burst like a dam last night over countless buckets of San Miguel Light we downed until dawn somewhere in Trinoma.
---
-tobecontinued-
My first lover was 27 when he found me drunk and dancing at the second floor of a bar in Malate. I was 21. A few years later, the oldest I slept with was a man older than my father. I was 25 when I saw myself panting and moaning at his pad one weekend night. In the bath house where I once roamed with lustful eyes, heads were turned on me. The ones who were checking were not the twinks or the jocks, it was the daddies and the trolls who stood on dark corners waiting for their unsuspecting prey to come closer. As far as I can recall, kids seldom caught my attention other than seeing them being my little brothers. It was someone I could see being a big brother that always won my heart over.
For years, I tried to study the trends so I could understand my psyche better. Do I look for older men because I long for a big brother who could shelter me? Do I seek someone older because I find them mature and engaging to be with? The answers were baffling, but I took them at face value. Complete understanding with the way I think would have been lost as years add more crumples to my face. Only did last night I began to truly appreciate that everything begins with one's formative years. Whatever happens in those crucial years of a person's life will have an impact that may last one's lifetime.
What is strange is that the catharsis did not come from someone who shares the same mindset with me. Instead, it was from someone totally different. If my preference sways toward the big brother archetypes, he was the opposite.
His liking gravitates toward twinks.
Pinuno had kept himself busy by gathering his old guards from GuysforMen. His plan was to resurrect the old clan and accommodate more sensible and koboy straight-acting men to join the group. Since the pact with Odin puts me out of recruitment, my presence serves as a moral booster to the four of us in the core. We go out to have a drink and with it flows the story of our lives. Broken bonds get mended and as the bottles of beer pile up, so is the revelations as to who we are beyond the profiles we once had in the hook-up site.
Pinuno and I knew each other long before we get to bond with the other two who now declares their affliation to the barkada. Tagay, the third will always be the guy I made out at a billiard bar restroom and get to stay closely connected after our moment. Darwin, our newest comrade recently broke up and needed the support of non-straight friends. We are the only one he knew so the moment it was over for them, he began showing up in our tagayan.
Of the four of us, Darwin has the most distinguishable reputation in the barkada. He is your typical ultra-discreet jock who holds sway among the guys he cross. He is a shameless flirt, a notorious bed mate and his exhibitionist nature on the internet had once warped my imagination. At 32, his boyish looks and charming appeal would never fail to snarl his prey. His thriving business empire and good school background makes him a very, very good catch. The only downside to all his credentials is that he only digs twinks.
For Darwin, the younger and better-looking you are, the more you become fuckable to him.
I once asked Pinuno about Darwin's life before he became a PLU. You see, despite seeing each other during inuman, I never get to talk to our new friend about his life the way me and the leader intimately knew each other. Darwin and I would horse around, gay talk each other in text messaging or talk about his life with his ex partner, but not his beginnings nor his reasons for being a bisexual.
Pinuno told me what he knew about him.
The real story however, only burst like a dam last night over countless buckets of San Miguel Light we downed until dawn somewhere in Trinoma.
---
-tobecontinued-
No comments:
Post a Comment