Me: Hindi naman
Me: Nakahibernate lang, wala akong maisip isulat eh.
Friend: Edi kwento mo ang nangyayari sa buhay mo...
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It's been a while since I last conveyed my thoughts to you. It seems like my muse went offline and I am having a hard time expressing the things I would like to here. There were times when I am alone, my mind suddenly composes the first thoughts I would like to say, but whenever I begin composing those thoughts in front of the computer, they simply fades from my mind. It's like, they were so easy to grasp when I don't need to hold them, but when I am actually about to grab my thoughts to put them for eternity's sake, they simply fly away like wild birds avoiding capture.
It's been hard to be away from you. For several days, I avoid being reminded of phanksmaster that's why I didn't read other blogs as well. In silence, I just wanted to be alone. My world seems to crumble anyways. It's been 10 days already but I haven't recieved my salary from the security agency. I've heard that they were having a hard time looking for lenders to borrow money.
But you know what, if ever I have achieved anything during the silence, it's the realization of how powerful writing is. Because of a letter I composed thanking an organization president for forgiving us my father's debt, he and his associates were so moved that they extended their generosity and decided to leave us in peace. My mom asked me to compose such kind of letters once again to give it to another company which my father owes a huge sum of money. I just hope that my letter's appeal would once again move those who would read it.
Still, whenever I think of the things I would write in my blog, the first thoughts were about my entry's purpose. Eon was right, we sometimes question the things we put on our blog. Lately, I even beginning to question to whom my journal is addressed. Is it for my future? Or just as it has always been, Phanksmaster is my security blanket? There were also times when I having an identity crisis about my writing style... I don't know about other writers but there were some occassions when I look down at my writing style and brand it hopeless. Maybe I'm just not really comfortable with the way I write; maybe it's just part of my continuous searching.
Until then. I hope I could follow you with another entry very soon. Hopefully, by the time I end this entry, my muse had finally returned. It's still the beginning of the year and many many things would surely happen. May it be good or bad, bitter or even sweet, I hope phanksmaster would still be for them to be remembered.
See you around.
Lovelots,
XXX
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