On the last night of the full moon, a friend asked me to accompany her in a business meeting.
As it turns out, I, a self-proclaimed proud homo would act as her security. I would have to ensure that her business associates would not do something harmful that would violate her.
After all, she is a lipstick lesbian.
For hours, I explored the area where the meeting is being held. In her absence, the emptiness of the night reminds me of some earlier time when I used to breathe the same cold lonely air the night provided.
While having a pleasant stroll around the heart of Ermita, I encountered some familiar scenes that once reminded of my own...
Young guys who sits on the pavement as if waiting for someone.
Jologs ladies who are actually hawking for some quickie escapades with some expat passersby.
Foreigners and their little brown Filipina wives with their entire families having a coffee at Starbucks.
And there are some big people as well, having a cup of coffee while engaging in a small talk that probably would spell the end or the expansion of their respective fortunes.
Alone in my table, these scenes are once part of my own... when I was still working for my dad who runs his fledging empire across the horizon.
And now that we who have remained are almost approching its twilight, I cannot help but feel bitter and resentful about the things that I should have done, when there is still time.
It seems like I haven't fully moved on despite my blatant claims of emancipation.
---
Two hours have already passed and these scenes are beginning to dusturb me.
For some reasons, I don't want to be reminded of them anymore - these pseudo nightmares that I am trying so hard to flush out from my memory.
In the confusion of things, I saw this one ad in an expat newspaper advertising a condo unit that is just starting to rise somewhere in the east.
The image in the advertisement shows a picture of a big bedroom, and a see-through bathroom with a ceramic tub in one corner.
This picture once filled my thoughts, during a time when having my own condo was just within my wallet's reach.
But you know what, I find it ironic that now when I can finally be able to buy my own car, things simply can't happen without sacrificing a huge deal of what I have built this past year.
Now that I am still in the process of trying to figure out what to do with my life - to the point of eradicating it in exchange for a better one - which still lies deep inside my daydreams...
This night once again drew the line between what is unattainable, and what is possible.
The business meeting my friend is conducting at this moment, might, in Almighty's grace may spill on my fortunes in the near future.
However, the scary reality that I haven't recieved my paycheck from my dad's last remaining business is a clear sign that sometime in the future, we might be on our own.
And the perpetual threat of some long-time creditors trying to seize whatever remains of my dad's possessions tells us that even my own homeworld might not be there... when that dreaded time arrives.
Like all others, I might become a renter as well.
This night has been full of revelations. Fueled by some dark and painful past, it may again kick some fears that would distrupt my normal sleeping routine tonight.
For two days, I have been in communion with the night, with the moon and the stars
And for some reasons, they have become dreaded strangers, not the one I embraced while my sentience is still in slumber.
As it turns out, I, a self-proclaimed proud homo would act as her security. I would have to ensure that her business associates would not do something harmful that would violate her.
After all, she is a lipstick lesbian.
For hours, I explored the area where the meeting is being held. In her absence, the emptiness of the night reminds me of some earlier time when I used to breathe the same cold lonely air the night provided.
While having a pleasant stroll around the heart of Ermita, I encountered some familiar scenes that once reminded of my own...
Young guys who sits on the pavement as if waiting for someone.
Jologs ladies who are actually hawking for some quickie escapades with some expat passersby.
Foreigners and their little brown Filipina wives with their entire families having a coffee at Starbucks.
And there are some big people as well, having a cup of coffee while engaging in a small talk that probably would spell the end or the expansion of their respective fortunes.
Alone in my table, these scenes are once part of my own... when I was still working for my dad who runs his fledging empire across the horizon.
And now that we who have remained are almost approching its twilight, I cannot help but feel bitter and resentful about the things that I should have done, when there is still time.
It seems like I haven't fully moved on despite my blatant claims of emancipation.
---
Two hours have already passed and these scenes are beginning to dusturb me.
For some reasons, I don't want to be reminded of them anymore - these pseudo nightmares that I am trying so hard to flush out from my memory.
In the confusion of things, I saw this one ad in an expat newspaper advertising a condo unit that is just starting to rise somewhere in the east.
The image in the advertisement shows a picture of a big bedroom, and a see-through bathroom with a ceramic tub in one corner.
This picture once filled my thoughts, during a time when having my own condo was just within my wallet's reach.
But you know what, I find it ironic that now when I can finally be able to buy my own car, things simply can't happen without sacrificing a huge deal of what I have built this past year.
Now that I am still in the process of trying to figure out what to do with my life - to the point of eradicating it in exchange for a better one - which still lies deep inside my daydreams...
This night once again drew the line between what is unattainable, and what is possible.
The business meeting my friend is conducting at this moment, might, in Almighty's grace may spill on my fortunes in the near future.
However, the scary reality that I haven't recieved my paycheck from my dad's last remaining business is a clear sign that sometime in the future, we might be on our own.
And the perpetual threat of some long-time creditors trying to seize whatever remains of my dad's possessions tells us that even my own homeworld might not be there... when that dreaded time arrives.
Like all others, I might become a renter as well.
This night has been full of revelations. Fueled by some dark and painful past, it may again kick some fears that would distrupt my normal sleeping routine tonight.
For two days, I have been in communion with the night, with the moon and the stars
And for some reasons, they have become dreaded strangers, not the one I embraced while my sentience is still in slumber.
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