I could have eaten a cow if I still practice the lifestyle I'm trying to throw away. I don't know what does my instructor have in mind, but during this training session, he asked me to focus on the abdominals.
Finally, after doing it for over a week, I don't have muscle cramps anymore. I can do over 500 sit ups in just one session. However, one thing that really zapped my energy this evening was that he also asked me to do an hour and 30 minute cardio. That means I have to run an extra 30 minutes just to achieve my objectives.
Since I realized that I don't have any other weight exercises for today, I also did some extra benchpresses(?) which added some muscles on my shoulders. However, since my energy reserves were already dwindling - thanks to my decision to skip lunch and merienda altogether,
I thought I would pass out.
I thought I would crawl all the way going home.
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I know, I have a very long way to go. Sometimes, I even think that I would never reach my goal in this season's weight training since there were times, I do not know what my objectives are anymore. Besides, whenever I think how long it would take and how many sacrifices I have to give just to turn myself around and become a 160 - pounder once again, the challenge I have to take simply demoralizes me.
XP made it in 7 months. He said, from 250, he is now just 140. But the sacrifices he had to give is too much for me. I never dreamed of completely eradicating my tummy - at the expense of denying myself the best pleasures in the world.
Good thing, sex remains available.
But you know what, I think I am already beginning to make the sacrifices he once did.
From day one, the softdrinks were the first to go. The following three weeks, even my favorite C2 was replaced by pure water. During the second week, I promised not to eat sweets anymore. At the same time, I started limiting my rice intake - which is so far 45% successful since I have a massive stomach and I still dont know what other food I could substitute for it.
There were times I would think I'm doing an impossible thing. I see this as a very long and exhausting war in order to eradicate my tummy. Whenever I think of reasons of doing it; of making these supreme sacrifices, I could not find a clear answer anymore.
Ano nga ba ang gagawin ko sa maayos na katawan bukod sa pang display lang sa internet at sa kalye? Meron naman akong buddy, hindi naman ako talaga seryosong naghahanap ng "alternative"at paano pag umabot na ako sa point na nagsimula na akong magmaganda dahil confident na ako?
How much of me would I loose in the process?
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I can already feel the diva attitude creeping in me.
This afternoon, I was furious to my mom because she unintentionally messed up my schedule. She also let me wait - standing for 1 hour before she arrived at the locationwe have agreed to meet. Whats more, she promised that her meeting wouldn't take very long, but instead I spent another hour talking to a cat and when the meeting was finished, I was forced to attend the Ash Wednesday mass since she met the priest who would facilitate the said mass.
But of course, I never showed my disappointments to my mom. One thing that makes me different from my sister is that I never shouted back at her.
I could have walked away if I'm an asshole. But despite my disappointments, I realized that I have been so focused in taming my own body, thinking of more and effective ways of loosing weight, apprasing myself in G4M, talking about guys, guys and more guys we see in that website...
that I have almost already lost my faith.
That I don't care anymore the things that keeps me humble all the time.
So, I decided to attend the mass and seated beside my mom. In fairness, the mass was great, and I should say that the priest that facilitated it knows what he is talking about. He's not a priest who just read the scriptures directly from the bible.
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The rift between me and my mom was over after the mass.
Before I left the chapel, I went back to the corner where I found the cat who amused me while my mom was having her meeting. I said my goodbye to her in my wacky, kiddie self. I also found out that it's the only cat around who have been tamed.
When I arrived at the gym, I was surprised to find out that nobody was using my favorite cardio equipment, which in most days was swamped with waiting gym members. In some ways, I think it was the reward I got for being patient and understanding to my mom.
Lastly, I found out that I am now officially below the 200th pound mark. It was my weight last September - right after I decided to stop my work out. If things go as planned, I could loose another 10 pounds in just one month.
Going to church somehow made me feel better. It's like having a pillar of light shine upon you while a brooding darkness from feeling beautiful since my confidence is beginning to build up swallows my humanity.
Before the mass, what made me really decide to attend the gathering was this phrase that kept on repeating on my mind over and over.
In order to have a healthy body, one must start with a healthy soul.
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