Sunday, June 26, 2011

Sabado Nights





On a night like this, the first order of business is to choose the dance floor. Whether it be Che'lu, BED or O-Bar, what matters is that I get there and party. Clubbing is a sort of addiction - an excuse to be alone and purge that hangover left from last week's revelry. The weekdays are mostly dreary: work, home, empty sweet nothings, failed dates.

Life goes on in a blink:

All I ever desire is to feel alive.

So the gym is my temple and my body, the altar.  The week's work-out is in preparation for a war dance that has been going on for ages.  Sometimes I would leave the gym at past midnight, pumped up and ready for action. Destination is Malate. The goal is to get drunk and get crazy. Soon, I would have to muster enough balls to take-off my shirt and bust a move to catch someone's attention.

Up there on the ledge, I exhort the masses.  Possessed by a rave god who feeds on energy, the adrenalin rush would sometimes leaves me breathless and begging not to end the party. Of course there are the admirers and the rivals, when luck shines on some random nights, even dreams show up unexpected. The swift, sweet love is  intoxicating. Sadly, the fairy tale ends when the sobering up begins.



This was my life a year ago. Exhausted and searching for release,  all I ever looked for was that one soul who would stop me from repeating the madness. I wanted to end the cycle but I was to weak to let go. With Planet Romeo off-limits, and the risky entanglements with boys from the same space discouraged, the dance floor was my only cruise. How ironic for something that gave me so much freedom - and distraction, would soon become my prison.

Fate tells that the one soul was never found there, not even in the queue snaking around the nightclub. Instead he made his presence felt just before he got hooked, and possibly turn into someone like me. He has never seen me dance, nor spotted the drunken gaze in my eyes. For I turned my back the day he held my hand and from then forth, the clubber in me disappeared.

Soon, the dance floor became a distant memory.  Covered in thick layers of smoke and ecstasy, the thrill and loneliness - the great duo of the party -  stay remnants of a delinquent history.

And though the rave god still lives, and hum to the sound of Trance, its playground now stays inside my head. A decade of clubbing should be enough. No longer could my legs bear more. And while I still remember all the sins I committed in the name of dancing, redemption comes the farther I stay away from the dance floor.

Denial was my word the whole time I was there. Yet in my hidden longings, I was there hoping to find my another. Now that he has found me, restored and chastened, there's no reason to return and get lost like I once did in my search.



       

22 comments:

bienvenido_lim said...

Do you miss it Ms Raymundo?

Neokiro said...

Good you found the reason and stopped looking. Parang pareho pa kayo ng dahilan ni iurico :P

Alter said...

(just left the scene about an hour ago, lol). it doesn't feel wrong at the moment, but perhaps, days, weeks later, this truth will sink in -

that we are waiting to be tamed.

but now, the remedy kicks in, it gets you high, occupies whatever is missing, yet approves that it will eventually expire, one fateful day.

you're a one lucky guy.

I will be with your 'Chemical Brothers' in the morning. A timely post, and a good one as usual. =)

Blakrabit said...

A great way to start the day is to read about a guy finding the one. Cheers, master!

Mikel said...

everyone gets tired of something.

stay happy.:)

Mr. Brightside said...

Glad your war dance is over and found peace in the one who holds you now.

I'm happy for you :D

dabo said...

Natawa ako sa linyang truth to be told..

So after all the dabates.. umamin ka din. Hehe

john stanley said...

@dabo: i so agree. gimmick-gimmick lang daw e naghahanap naman pala talaga. che!

@ joms: bleh! :P

wanderingcommuter said...

@dabo HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! iprint screen na ito! sa wakas, umamin din si kuya joms. hahahaha!

inaalala ko pa mga dati niyang arguements. lol

Nimmy said...

Awwwwwwwwww. Ang tamis!

Anonymous said...

you can stop searchin, but keep on dancin. dancin is good for the soul. just listen to usher's DJ got us falling in love again. surely :D

Spiral Prince said...

In a way the strobe lights and discordant beats prepared you for this kuya jombs :)

Makii said...

I'm so happy, happy , happy for you kuya Mugs. I can very much relate. Glad to meet you on the road to redemption. :)

the green breaker said...

kaya pala parang nakita na kita! haha, nagsho-show ka pala!

seriously, I'd never been on those men bars and never will I be located there. hahay, JC must be very lucky to have you, and a very fitting scenery to cap your longing for a partner at your age. The only thing that we wait here is your coming out, which I predict (no, I'm no prophet) is no later than this year.

ay, baka magalit ka saken! hihi. I'm just so absorbed with the flow of these stories. It tells me that, it's not going anywhere far, but nearer to a conclusion if not climax. anyway, this is just me with senseless rambles. i know you are having a good time.

Xian Garvida said...

the lioness became a lamb, chos!
am so happy for you O.o

dabo said...

@ ewik! Printscreened!!

dabo said...

Awww.. inedit pala nya yung line.. bummer.

Ipamimigay ko pa naman sa lahat

lols

Nate said...

@sir mugen: bagay naman pala sa 'yo ang pagiging cheeseball.. nice post!

Mac Callister said...

natawa ako sa pang aalaska ng mga comments sau haha!denial ka pa pala dati!

hay sana kami ding mga single e maging kagaya mo na titigil na din sa pagse-search at maging happy na sa bandang huli :-)

Yehosue said...

I think you still dance sir mugen. But this time the dance floor wasn't cover with thick layers of smoke and loneliness. Instead it was surrounded with ecstasy and thrills of love and happiness. You may not surrounded by many people but you are enclose by someone's l'amour

:)

Sean said...

katawa naman ang alaskahan dito. maybe you can come back once in a while with your significant other. this time just to enjoy the music. and each other.

Kane said...

So on a night like this today: what is the first order of business? =)