Monday, June 13, 2011

Silent All These Weeks





Candor tempts me to write, "Did you miss me?" But doing so would be my unbecoming. This quiet little corner never meant to catch your attention. The blog exists simply because of the author's need to scribble words.

Nothing more, nothing less.



They say absence makes the heart grow fonder. But I doubt if this feeling is shared between you and me, or I and the Souljacker. As far as my memory goes, this slow push towards the headwaters has been going since the first month. I have been emancipated last May: I have lived through the days without ever gazing my sights into the blogs.

So why return Mugen? Is it because of the old adage that goes something like "once a blogger, always a blogger?" Is it because old habits never die? Or is it because like how the world goes, stories never end?

Whatever the answer, the undeniable thump of this organ within my chest tells that I'm still in love with words. That I cannot go on without embracing this gift that brought me here in the first place. I maybe floating in placid waters, but I still owe to the great beyond the narratives of today.



I may have been enchanted by my simulated life in Sims 3; allured by having a new machine lying in my study table; and been blessed by Bentusi's timely writing projects. Yet I still hear the call of Souljacker in passing whispers. I may have gone through the horrors of being skinned alive by the Patroness; or painfully swallow in one gulp the cash assistance offered by the Favorite Aunt when we could not afford my mom's medicines; or spoke with the sister of my dream of letting Lenin study in our childhood school.

And these were kept muffled when I ignored my need to write. 

I may have "adopted" Baabaa when his family went south, and felt for the first time in ages how to share spaces and thrive with another guy; or even trade tales with bloggers over bottles of Tanduay Ice; or even played tansuan with the girls and twinks when my straight college tropa invited me to his house party. But my soft spot remains - no matter how silence and distraction had suppressed my will to write my life.

Ignore the fanfare and consider this as a reintroduction. Once and for all,  I've accepted: Souljacker is here to stay.




But what if I'm a mermaid?
In these jeans of his with her name still on it
Hey, but I don't care
'Cause sometimes
I said sometimes I hear my voice
And it's been here


Tori Amos
Silent All These Years

32 comments:

^travis said...

A very warm "weebee" to you, Souljacker.

New follower here and a big - very big fan. Was able to finally finish "backreading" your archives last week. You have an awesome blog.

the green breaker said...

Ang taray ni Papa Mugen! haha. dehins ko alam may ganito kang realizations. na may pinagdadaanan ka. maybe I was too careless to miss small details.

nga pala, ayaw mo nun, parang mag-asawa na talaga kayo ni baabaa mo.

welcome back. I will always enjoy your "un-highlightable" entries.

Alter said...

embrace your royalty in the blogosphere. you can never just leave unnoticed. remember those people who branched from SoulJacker? the empty spot will be unbearable.

still, a break once in a while is good. :)

blagadag said...

am happy to read you. been silently following you and your love. parang distant stalker lang. enjoyed looking at your pictures with baby lenin, too.

Mr. Hush Hush said...

awwww. basta ako na miss kita! ^_^ na miss ko maghanap ng mga malalalim na tagalog words na pwede ko i.research, ano kaya ito?? hehehehhe :p

Yuan said...

you're back. i miss souljacker. i miss kuya joms and i miss your words.

^^

~Carrie~ said...

Souljacker is definitely here to stay. Di ka pwedeng mawala, friend. :) Buti ka nga, nakakasulat kahit maraming pinagdadaanan. :) Weebee and all the best!

Makii said...

deep. may pinaghuhugatan talaga kuya. i guess if you have the passion for something, you can never really ignore the calling. Weebee. and hugs too. :)

Nate said...

can't help but to applaud on this one.. once again, Sir, i'm blown away at the depth of your blog entry.. very profound..

odin hood said...

miss you kuya :P

dabo said...

i was checking out kung sino-sino na ang nag-cocomment dito.. lumalabas si carrie ang pinaka-classic hehe.. it seems those who used to frequent here have moved on (whatever that is) but the marks you made thru your craft.. the phase or phases that we witness are now part of our consciousness.. we own it, we don't planned to give it back... =)

my apologies for being less frequent in behalf of all of

dabo said...

kainis wrong grammar #@!!!!$@#@#!~ =(


(i think si odin na pala ang pinaka-classic hahaha)

dabo said...

@carrie & odin : napansin nyo ba...lahat sila kinukuya na si mugen lols

daniel said...

Hi sis...hehe, silent all those years ni tori amos, love that song. You have the gift of writing sis, dont stop. Godbless.

Mugen said...

Daniel:

You too have a talent in writing. Nako huwag mong sayangin yan. :P

LSS ko ang Silent All These Years lately.

Dabo:

Pansin ko nga, andami biglang nagkuya sa akin, para namang antanda tanda ko na.

Someone must stay for others to find what they left behind.

Odinhood:

I hope you feel much better. :) See you soon Odinsky!

Mugen said...

Nate:

Thank you. Why don't you write?

Makii:

Hindi rin. Mahirap kaya magsimula ng sentences minsan. :) Kamusta ang love birds? :D

Carrie:

Bumalik ako dahil sa iyo. Naks!
Miss you friend.

Mugen said...

Yuan:

Thank you! :)

Mr. Hush:

Hehehe hindi nga ako nag-Tatagalog lately eh.

Blagadag:

I often look at your pictures too. Glad to see you here mommy.

Mugen said...

Alter:

Royalty ka diyan! I believe the honorific belongs to Ternie or better yet, Kane. :)

Green Breaker:

Buti nga hindi nagtaka yung mom ko kung bakit nandun ng dalawang araw sa hause si JC. But the experience was fun. Nagkaroon na naman ako ng separation anxiety pagkatapos.

Travis:

Nice name! Sulat lang ng sulat. Your blog seems interesting. Salamat tol.

Sean said...

yay you're back! *cartwheels* you've been missed mugs!

Nate said...

@Mugen: How observant of you, Sir, to have noticed… Or is it simply because I’m really not aware that of all those who commented, I’m the only one who’s not a blogger… You were the third one, aside from Alter & Eon, who asked me the same question --- “Why don't you write?”

I’m actually new to the blogsphere…

I've always had an apprehension about writing.. There are way too much "what ifs" running in my head that I succumb to the fear of it, till it smothers me... So, for now, I’d just be the lurker/ reader…

But, your words struck me, Sir.. --- The blog exists simply because of the author’s need to scribble words. Nothing more, nothing less.

Which made me think: I will write one day.. And it will be for me..

Mugen said...

Nate:

My old blog survived for many years simply because I believed that no one was reading me. :)

Share your life. I'm sure you're a good writer. Even if nobody seems to read you, at least you owe to yourself telling your life story.

Welcome to blogspace.

Sean:

Ang pangako ay isang pangako. Hehehe. Thanks!

. said...

im glad you came back.

i knew you'd never leave writing behind.

datu/the wilted prune said...

hah! tell me all about blog silence. >;p

Louie said...

Nakakamiss ding magbasa dito. Nice to see you back. :)

odin hood said...

basta there's something different about this post. parang di lang silent all these weeks. parang matagal ko na siya hinahanap...



@dabo syempre napaka classic... cuz im such a classy lady! toinks!! hahahahaha

orally said...

welcome back mugen!

Nate said...

@Mugen: hala.. parang gusto ko tuloy maiyak... thank you so much for your kind words, Sir --- "Share your life. I'm sure you're a good writer. Even if nobody seems to read you, at least you owe to yourself telling your life story. "

Mugen said...

Period:

Thanks! I spent my creative juices these days coming up with articles for Bentusi rin kasi.

Mistress Datu:

And may I humbly ask, when will be your return?

Louie:

Happy Birthday sir. Honga nakakamiss rin magbasa ng mga blogs. Hehehe.

Mugen said...

Odin:

Hmmm... ano kaya yung nakita mo dun sa last post ko? :P Mishu Odinsky!

Orally:

Thank you!

Nate:

You're welcome. Sulat ka lang. :)

datu/the wilted prune said...

@PuppyDog - secret! >;p

Nate said...

@mugen: after much prodding, Sir, here I am in my first attempt to blog... once again, thank you for the push...

Pepe said...

too late to comment, been busy lately pero binalikan ko talaga to.

i hope you continue writing because i am one of those who avidly reads you, including your most recent post as of this writing. hehe.

yours is on the top list of my faves. keep writing. hehe