Tuesday, May 1, 2007

May Day Eve

Roy, my bestfriend texted me yesterday. He complained that I didn't tell him that I have a "kabetsung." I immediately asked him what "kabetsung" was he talking about. He said it was about the "opismeyt" he's been hearing from people.

Apparently, word about P-man had spread in my barkada. I don't know who read my blog but that guy read it wrong. First, P-man is not a "kabit" at all. I suspect that he isn't even capable of displaying emotions of attachments. In fact, I was so close to flushing him out of my life, after he appeared distant and aloof after our second "face-off." Being the shy and proud guy that I've always been, I never asked him if there's a problem why he avoids me. I just assumed that probably he got tired of me and it's time to move on, or people at the floor are already sensing that there is something between us, so he had to be more discreet in his approach to me.

Fortunately, after sending him a 5-peso pasa-load yesterday, he sent me an SMS message asking me how I'm doing. It lead to a very brief but pleasant text exchange about his activities lately that made my afternoon a little more thrilling.

Obviously, I still miss him when he doesn't make his presence felt. Nevertheless, whatever attachments or feelings I have for him, remains contained in order to not complicate things between us. In fact, harboring these feelings makes me appear that I'm on the vulnerable edge. I'd rather have him as a friend and not as a kabit, like what some Odders are spreading lately.

Nevertheless, I should be wary of attachments. Whenever he ignores or avoids me, I can't help but try to get closer to him.

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My richest aunt will undergo a very expensive treatment procedure this month. It means that she will not be able to support her sisters who relies for financial assistance in the coming weeks.

Fortunately, my mom had always been independent of her. However, my mom and aunt's youngest sister whose son is studying in Benilde will have to stand on her own to support her family of four. To help them relieve their budget concerns, I volunteered to give up a portion of my salary to help my cousin (their eldest) who is reviewing for the board exams. I'd be supporting her boarding expense. I might also tap my network of HR friends to help her dad look for a better income-generating job to support them.

I forsee that the months ahead will be very difficult for the entire family. With my sister still in the process of completing her thesis, (after spending the last months of her last semester doing her tibak activities) and the rest of my cousins still to graduate next year, being the only working next generation member makes me feel that I'm already pushed against the wall.

For a very long time, I relied on my aunt in case something happens that is beyond my control. Now that she's afflicted with something that is beyond our control, there is a sudden reversal of roles, which hopefully in the end will make me and the entire family stronger.

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Lastly, its been a year since someone brought me in a five-star hotel. He was a dance partner at Government when I decided to return to that club after a long absence. After our very intimate and close-contact dance moves, I bid him goodbye, but he prevented me from leaving. He asked me to stay with him in his suite. Since nobody had ever asked me before, I agreed to keep him company. What resulted after was a year-long attachment to that moment when I was hugging him while the sky outside the window was turning black to indigo.

It's been also a year since I joined a cause at G4M. For strange reasons, miracles do happen on that sleazy cruise site. The elders there decided to have an outreach program for abandoned physically deformed children at an orphanage in Tayuman. Believing in the power of the Pink Peso, they posted numerous threads in the forum in order to invite the members to contribute diapers and powdered milk that they will distribute to the kids.

The activity was very successful. For the whole month of May, G4M apparently became holier than the months before and after it. I even sense that the number of sex parties dramatically decreased that May. And even though I don't know anyone from the organizers, I am proud that I've been a part of it. I wonder if someone would organize an outreach activity this year.

I hope they do.

Because like all other PLUs who participated in that event, I felt that my existence became more meaningful after it.

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