The "Group Party" somewhere in the east was a pr success, but a devastating blow to my personal ego. For the first time, I admitted - directly how much I haven't moved on now that we saw each other face-to-face after weeks of avoiding in the floor.
To save whatever dignity I have left, I ran to a friend, who was willing to accommodate me. As much as possible, I tried to save face, despite the gravitating pull of the memory that I swallowed my ego just a half-an hour before.
A dinner at a "healthy" fast food restaurant,
two beers after
and hours and hours of soundtripping - playing his favorite rock and ballad songs in his mac-book somehow uplifted me. Several times, I had to run to the bathroom to look in front of the mirror just to assert to myself that I haven't lost yet.
I was hoping that the "bowing down" to the will of myself might be my sole ticket to freedom.
Shortly an hour before midnight, I decided to leave my friend's place. At the back of my mind, I'm thinking of flying to BED, in hopes of salvaging some pride while dancing there. But something prevented my escape - someone closer to home must be telling me, quietly, that there's no use of further ego-boosting in that place.
There's no rebellion after all.
So I went home - at times even walking under the rain to find a jeep that would take me there. There's no cab to hail and there are still many rivals braving the drizzle just to find a taxi that would take them to their destination.
From time to time, I would sneak a peek on my phone, hoping there's a reply to my message I sent earlier - to someone, I hoped, is still interested in opening communications with me.
Sadly there was none.
But just before I arrived at the door, all gloomed and drenched from the ever-increasing torrent, I received the message I was waiting the whole evening.
"____________ mis kita. Bukas balik mu na headset gamitin ku. Kanina nagmamadali aku umalis kc nga punta kme ________________. D2 parin aku kasama kaycee. Home knb?"
The message wasn't mine but for someone else - someone I know and surprisingly, the only person I didn't suspect that sent the rumors flying all over the floor.
Amazingly, the grand scheme of things has been revealed to me. I also have an idea now where the original rumor came from. Nevertheless, it doesn't matter anymore. I am already satisfied with the truth.
Indeed, there is no reason for me to look back,
now that I am finally free.
To save whatever dignity I have left, I ran to a friend, who was willing to accommodate me. As much as possible, I tried to save face, despite the gravitating pull of the memory that I swallowed my ego just a half-an hour before.
A dinner at a "healthy" fast food restaurant,
two beers after
and hours and hours of soundtripping - playing his favorite rock and ballad songs in his mac-book somehow uplifted me. Several times, I had to run to the bathroom to look in front of the mirror just to assert to myself that I haven't lost yet.
I was hoping that the "bowing down" to the will of myself might be my sole ticket to freedom.
Shortly an hour before midnight, I decided to leave my friend's place. At the back of my mind, I'm thinking of flying to BED, in hopes of salvaging some pride while dancing there. But something prevented my escape - someone closer to home must be telling me, quietly, that there's no use of further ego-boosting in that place.
There's no rebellion after all.
So I went home - at times even walking under the rain to find a jeep that would take me there. There's no cab to hail and there are still many rivals braving the drizzle just to find a taxi that would take them to their destination.
From time to time, I would sneak a peek on my phone, hoping there's a reply to my message I sent earlier - to someone, I hoped, is still interested in opening communications with me.
Sadly there was none.
But just before I arrived at the door, all gloomed and drenched from the ever-increasing torrent, I received the message I was waiting the whole evening.
"____________ mis kita. Bukas balik mu na headset gamitin ku. Kanina nagmamadali aku umalis kc nga punta kme ________________. D2 parin aku kasama kaycee. Home knb?"
The message wasn't mine but for someone else - someone I know and surprisingly, the only person I didn't suspect that sent the rumors flying all over the floor.
Amazingly, the grand scheme of things has been revealed to me. I also have an idea now where the original rumor came from. Nevertheless, it doesn't matter anymore. I am already satisfied with the truth.
Indeed, there is no reason for me to look back,
now that I am finally free.
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