In Dominus' Passing

Now I understand why I have become faithless these past few days. I noticed it from the way I get distracted when I pray the rosary at night or when my meanness reasserts itself whenever a person annoys me. I found out while checking the contents of my bag this afternoon that Dominus - the small stuffed brown puppy was missing. His disappearance was already anticipated, but I never thought it would be this swift.

You see, not only does my alter-egos exist in the blog. I also carry them around in my pocket or in the bag wherever I go. These sub-personalities, which manifest themselves as tiny stuff toys are my mojos. They tend to exert their influence in situations where I needed them most.

For example, I carry Darkstar when I travel to places far from home. His presence toughens my emotional resolve to detach from my loved ones. Mugen, who is Mister Bean's teddy sits inside a mug given to me by my partner during our first anniversary. The mug, which I dropped and got broken a few years ago is placed in my so-called personal altar found at the heart of my bookcase. Finally, Pulsar, which manifest itself as Patrick Starfish is kept hanging inside the closet. The three of them keeps me company that is why I rarely feel lonely even at times of solitude.

Now Dominus, who describes himself as deeply spiritual and is prone to believe in superstition exerts himself by being placed inside my bag. His presence reminds me to show act of kindness especially to strangers. Dominus also serves as the seal that keeps my horny demons from taking over. He bears witness to my divine promise never to become the promiscuous Kitsune again.

Unfortunately, an "incident" happened a few weeks ago.

And it was followed by the coloring book story with the same person last week.

I tried my best to resist all temptation knowing that my word is at stake. But with all the frustrations of relationship bearing down on me, I decided to let go of my urges and for once, let others make me feel that I'm needed - even if such need came in the form of sexual gratification.

After the deed was committed, silence fell between me and Dominus. Then he went quietly missing, maybe never to be found again.

Much as I would like to think that the little stuffed puppy was just misplaced in my workstation or was accidentally inserted inside the laundry, which I take home after my work out. I believe that his disappearance was directly connected to the vow that I have broken a few weeks ago. His lost directly ceases my supernatural outlook in life, as well as the gift to appreciate the many unexplainable events that happen around us.

As I begin to pick up the pieces and proceed to seek a new alter-ego that will replace Dominus, I wonder if it's really essential to rely on mojos to strengthen my philosophies in life. Maybe they are not necessary.

Maybe they do.

But one thing that I have learned from keeping them around is that no matter where I find myself and no matter where I choose to go, so long as my inner childhood remains close to me,

I feel like the stuff toys' presence open my eyes to the little wonders I stumble in life.

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And you think I am the only one who keeps little stuff toys inside my bag huh? Wait till you discover what Mami Athena aka Deracinee hides inside her handbag.