"Tol nasaan ka na?" My phone buzzed sending me this text message.
"Nasa jeep na bro. Malapit na ako sa inyo." I texted back, defying the potential snatchers that might be lurking inside the same jeep I was riding.
The clouds heaved with raindrops when I arrived at his place a few minutes later. It was past four o'clock, and was weary from having to spend the previous hour looking for hook-ups in the chat rooms. Before me and my contact sealed our engagement, I was suppose to have an eyeball with another friend, who for dubious reasons canceled our meeting at the last minute. With his sudden retreat, I was left looking for ways to spend the time that was allotted for his schedule. Unfortunately, his absence triggered my tendency to become restless when I was left with nothing else to do.
After waiting for several minutes, my contact arrived. He was around 5'6, lean and had fair skin. He was sporting a red cap, which made him look hotter after he showed me his nakedness in the webcam when we were chatting earlier. He told me to follow him to his place a few apartments from the spot where we met. When I arrived, our third wheel was waiting for us.
We agreed during our chat that we will have a free-for-all sex. It meant that anything may happen during the course of my stay. Bearing the gains I achieved after my first Bath house experience a week earlier, I was confident that I will not be rejected by my host. In fact, I even looked down on our third wheel for being too effeminate for my taste. He was chatting on the computer and was still looking for a potential fourth wheel when we entered the room.
I put my bag beside the dining table while my host went directly to the smaller room to continue watching the Buzz. Meanwhile, I tried to reach out to our lanky third wheel, but he seemed too preoccupied with his meat-hunting in the chat rooms to even acknowledge my presence. As for me, it doesn't matter if the kid wasn't interested, the feeling was mutual and what I aimed for was to get the attention of our host.
As a token accommodation, I lighted a stick of Marlboro Lights given to me by our third wheel. In between breaks from his chatting, he had hushed conversations with our host who was still watching the showbiz show inside his room. It appeared that they knew each other before I came. I really wanted to join them, but since I came there for a hook-up, I decided to amuse myself by guessing what their next move would be.
They continued talking. The more their voices became weaker, the more I felt the intimacy forming between them. I tried to look at what they're doing, but their entwined bodies blocked my view. Their heads seemed too close to one another and their awkward position made me more curious. Were they're starting the fun all by themselves without me? I don't know. To satisfy my curiosity, I stood up from my chair to check out what they were doing.
They were just talking.
"Ok ka lang diyan ha?" The host asked me.
"Yup, ok lang ako..." Even if beads of sweat rolled over my face.
"Padating na yung isa pa nating kasama. Naliligo lang." He assured me, coldly.
I tried to keep my cool despite the overwhelming boredom I felt while waiting for the other guy to arrive. You see, despite the gains I made at Club Bath, the truth was, I exercised complete discretion over the person who would become my partner there. In the end, the only one I found worthy to be my mate abandoned me.
I wasn't even able to cum that night.
With my all-powering libog preventing me to think clearly, what I sought from my engagement was pure fuck. I joined them not to have pleasantries, but to express my repressed lust and nothing more. But the longer I waited for the action to begin, the more I became anxious of the outcome of the hook-up. As for the host and the third wheel, they took advantage of the lull to get comfortable with one another. How unfortunate that while I was waiting for them to start the fun, they were actually plotting my downfall.
After two hours of waiting, the fourth wheel finally arrived. In fairness, a toned, dark-skinned masculine kid was worth the wait. We were introduced, but I felt that he wasn't interested to see me too. Meanwhile, the host started asking us what do next. It was followed by the customary silence that often happens when three or more people are engaged in a sexual activity.
To those who are unfamiliar with threesomes and orgies, this is what you call the "testing the waters" phase. Everyone waits for the first person who will call the shots. In our case, the three of them seemed to get along together, while I, who waited hours for the action to begin was slowly being left out.
The lights were turned off and the dark-skinned guy began fondling the lanky kid. I set my attention to the host, who was a year older than me. He took off his shirt and I began playing with his nipples. He wasn't responding favorably to my advances, but instead was enviously looking at the two kids who made out like rabbits across from our spot.
When I was about to touch his... he sighed and pushed me away as if to get something elsewhere. The two others stopped what they're doing and lights were turned on.
"Was there a problem?" I asked the host.
"Wait lang dude ha, kausapin ko lang yung isang friend ko." He answered without looking into my eyes.
There were soft murmurs after our brief pause, then the lanky guy showed a text message to the the dark-skinned moreno kid who was at that moment putting back his underwear on.
Then there was silence...
...which served as the queue to execute a verdict they already made when the host and the lanky kid were talking inside the other room earlier.
"Nood na lang ako sa inyong tatlo. The host suggested
"Ganun, bakit naman?" The moreno kid complained.
And then there was a long pause among the three of them. The host then looked at our third wheel's eyes, who at that time nodded to express his approval on what the host was about to say.
"Hindi ka namin bet tatlo." He told me straight. "Sorry ha."
In one gulp, I swallowed everything that he said. I saw it coming with the way they were trying to alienate me while waiting for the moreno guy to arrive. Stubborn as it may seem, but I kept insisting on getting a share of the fun. In the end, I got nothing. Their decision was extremely harsh, but had I been in their position, I would have showed my hesitation too. My only complain was they should at least had the balls to tell me their reservations earlier, so my wait would not end in vain.
Defeated, I put on my undies, shorts and shirt without looking at the host and then quietly left his place bringing with me what remained of my pride. After he closed the door, I heard the two kids behind him giggling as the lights in their room were turned off again.
And it wasn't the end of my misfortune that evening. For in my pathetic attempts to claim my shattered pride, I was also one way-ed by my next contact I met in the same chat room.
To think I took a cab from Sampaloc to Tayuman just to catch up with them.
---
It was Karma on my part and I paid a heavy price for it. I threw my weight around at Club Bath without any regards to the feelings of guys I rejected. Then it was my turn to be rejected twice that weekend. If there was any concession from the rejection, it drove me to become very serious with my work-out, which I am now enjoying the fruits today. When I look back at what happened, I still ask myself where did I go wrong.
Was it my distant and aloof attitude?
Was it because I was chubby and not really visually appealing to them - knowing that my rivals were kids?
Was it because I appeared so wasted that my market value slumped without me being aware of the crash?
Sadly, I will never know the answer.
Several weeks later, I met the guy who earlier canceled our meet-up that lead to my utter humiliation. He was Tagay mo Par, and much as I would like to romanticize our second encounter, it ended in a consummated make-out scene inside a billiard bar's bathroom. When I think of his contributions today, I still owe him my rebound, for he made me feel that I didn't deserve to be rejected at all.
Life went on after Tagay. But after him, I vowed never to let myself fall into such pits of desperation again - especially if the cause of such rejection came from my blind desire to address my untamed libog. The second and last time I allowed myself to fall six months later, I deleted my G4M account to finally emancipate myself from such very sick cycle.
Much as I am dying to get back and tell those guys who rejected me straight to their faces that "hindi ko rin sila bet," I guess there is no use saying those words now. Lessons have been learned and I've been vindicated many times over. The passage of time also allowed me to forgive those heartless souls.
The story which I kept for a long time has been told. The only path available now is to move on and never let anyone I know suffer the same shame I had to endure.
Indeed, what goes around, will eventually, come around.
One year after it all happened.
---
It would stir humility and heightened sensitivity, especially if I would face such disturbingly familiar scene in the future.
Indeed we need to be knocked hard for us to wake up from an illusion we desire to dwell on.
In my case, I was knocked not only once, but twice just to wake-up from my grand impressions of superiority.
And even if the pain has not sunk yet, I am glad that I was knocked with a direct hit.
For I discovered that there is determination to rise up in the face of utter defeat.
- Fallen From Grace, June 24, 2007
"Nasa jeep na bro. Malapit na ako sa inyo." I texted back, defying the potential snatchers that might be lurking inside the same jeep I was riding.
The clouds heaved with raindrops when I arrived at his place a few minutes later. It was past four o'clock, and was weary from having to spend the previous hour looking for hook-ups in the chat rooms. Before me and my contact sealed our engagement, I was suppose to have an eyeball with another friend, who for dubious reasons canceled our meeting at the last minute. With his sudden retreat, I was left looking for ways to spend the time that was allotted for his schedule. Unfortunately, his absence triggered my tendency to become restless when I was left with nothing else to do.
After waiting for several minutes, my contact arrived. He was around 5'6, lean and had fair skin. He was sporting a red cap, which made him look hotter after he showed me his nakedness in the webcam when we were chatting earlier. He told me to follow him to his place a few apartments from the spot where we met. When I arrived, our third wheel was waiting for us.
We agreed during our chat that we will have a free-for-all sex. It meant that anything may happen during the course of my stay. Bearing the gains I achieved after my first Bath house experience a week earlier, I was confident that I will not be rejected by my host. In fact, I even looked down on our third wheel for being too effeminate for my taste. He was chatting on the computer and was still looking for a potential fourth wheel when we entered the room.
I put my bag beside the dining table while my host went directly to the smaller room to continue watching the Buzz. Meanwhile, I tried to reach out to our lanky third wheel, but he seemed too preoccupied with his meat-hunting in the chat rooms to even acknowledge my presence. As for me, it doesn't matter if the kid wasn't interested, the feeling was mutual and what I aimed for was to get the attention of our host.
As a token accommodation, I lighted a stick of Marlboro Lights given to me by our third wheel. In between breaks from his chatting, he had hushed conversations with our host who was still watching the showbiz show inside his room. It appeared that they knew each other before I came. I really wanted to join them, but since I came there for a hook-up, I decided to amuse myself by guessing what their next move would be.
They continued talking. The more their voices became weaker, the more I felt the intimacy forming between them. I tried to look at what they're doing, but their entwined bodies blocked my view. Their heads seemed too close to one another and their awkward position made me more curious. Were they're starting the fun all by themselves without me? I don't know. To satisfy my curiosity, I stood up from my chair to check out what they were doing.
They were just talking.
"Ok ka lang diyan ha?" The host asked me.
"Yup, ok lang ako..." Even if beads of sweat rolled over my face.
"Padating na yung isa pa nating kasama. Naliligo lang." He assured me, coldly.
I tried to keep my cool despite the overwhelming boredom I felt while waiting for the other guy to arrive. You see, despite the gains I made at Club Bath, the truth was, I exercised complete discretion over the person who would become my partner there. In the end, the only one I found worthy to be my mate abandoned me.
I wasn't even able to cum that night.
With my all-powering libog preventing me to think clearly, what I sought from my engagement was pure fuck. I joined them not to have pleasantries, but to express my repressed lust and nothing more. But the longer I waited for the action to begin, the more I became anxious of the outcome of the hook-up. As for the host and the third wheel, they took advantage of the lull to get comfortable with one another. How unfortunate that while I was waiting for them to start the fun, they were actually plotting my downfall.
After two hours of waiting, the fourth wheel finally arrived. In fairness, a toned, dark-skinned masculine kid was worth the wait. We were introduced, but I felt that he wasn't interested to see me too. Meanwhile, the host started asking us what do next. It was followed by the customary silence that often happens when three or more people are engaged in a sexual activity.
To those who are unfamiliar with threesomes and orgies, this is what you call the "testing the waters" phase. Everyone waits for the first person who will call the shots. In our case, the three of them seemed to get along together, while I, who waited hours for the action to begin was slowly being left out.
The lights were turned off and the dark-skinned guy began fondling the lanky kid. I set my attention to the host, who was a year older than me. He took off his shirt and I began playing with his nipples. He wasn't responding favorably to my advances, but instead was enviously looking at the two kids who made out like rabbits across from our spot.
When I was about to touch his... he sighed and pushed me away as if to get something elsewhere. The two others stopped what they're doing and lights were turned on.
"Was there a problem?" I asked the host.
"Wait lang dude ha, kausapin ko lang yung isang friend ko." He answered without looking into my eyes.
There were soft murmurs after our brief pause, then the lanky guy showed a text message to the the dark-skinned moreno kid who was at that moment putting back his underwear on.
Then there was silence...
...which served as the queue to execute a verdict they already made when the host and the lanky kid were talking inside the other room earlier.
"Nood na lang ako sa inyong tatlo. The host suggested
"Ganun, bakit naman?" The moreno kid complained.
And then there was a long pause among the three of them. The host then looked at our third wheel's eyes, who at that time nodded to express his approval on what the host was about to say.
"Hindi ka namin bet tatlo." He told me straight. "Sorry ha."
In one gulp, I swallowed everything that he said. I saw it coming with the way they were trying to alienate me while waiting for the moreno guy to arrive. Stubborn as it may seem, but I kept insisting on getting a share of the fun. In the end, I got nothing. Their decision was extremely harsh, but had I been in their position, I would have showed my hesitation too. My only complain was they should at least had the balls to tell me their reservations earlier, so my wait would not end in vain.
Defeated, I put on my undies, shorts and shirt without looking at the host and then quietly left his place bringing with me what remained of my pride. After he closed the door, I heard the two kids behind him giggling as the lights in their room were turned off again.
And it wasn't the end of my misfortune that evening. For in my pathetic attempts to claim my shattered pride, I was also one way-ed by my next contact I met in the same chat room.
To think I took a cab from Sampaloc to Tayuman just to catch up with them.
---
It was Karma on my part and I paid a heavy price for it. I threw my weight around at Club Bath without any regards to the feelings of guys I rejected. Then it was my turn to be rejected twice that weekend. If there was any concession from the rejection, it drove me to become very serious with my work-out, which I am now enjoying the fruits today. When I look back at what happened, I still ask myself where did I go wrong.
Was it my distant and aloof attitude?
Was it because I was chubby and not really visually appealing to them - knowing that my rivals were kids?
Was it because I appeared so wasted that my market value slumped without me being aware of the crash?
Sadly, I will never know the answer.
Several weeks later, I met the guy who earlier canceled our meet-up that lead to my utter humiliation. He was Tagay mo Par, and much as I would like to romanticize our second encounter, it ended in a consummated make-out scene inside a billiard bar's bathroom. When I think of his contributions today, I still owe him my rebound, for he made me feel that I didn't deserve to be rejected at all.
Life went on after Tagay. But after him, I vowed never to let myself fall into such pits of desperation again - especially if the cause of such rejection came from my blind desire to address my untamed libog. The second and last time I allowed myself to fall six months later, I deleted my G4M account to finally emancipate myself from such very sick cycle.
Much as I am dying to get back and tell those guys who rejected me straight to their faces that "hindi ko rin sila bet," I guess there is no use saying those words now. Lessons have been learned and I've been vindicated many times over. The passage of time also allowed me to forgive those heartless souls.
The story which I kept for a long time has been told. The only path available now is to move on and never let anyone I know suffer the same shame I had to endure.
Indeed, what goes around, will eventually, come around.
One year after it all happened.
---
It would stir humility and heightened sensitivity, especially if I would face such disturbingly familiar scene in the future.
Indeed we need to be knocked hard for us to wake up from an illusion we desire to dwell on.
In my case, I was knocked not only once, but twice just to wake-up from my grand impressions of superiority.
And even if the pain has not sunk yet, I am glad that I was knocked with a direct hit.
For I discovered that there is determination to rise up in the face of utter defeat.
- Fallen From Grace, June 24, 2007
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