We've been on the phone for almost two hours now when...
"It seems like you're about to fall asleep huh?"
"Uh huh..." he replied in a soft whimper.
"Would you like us to call it a night?" I suggested. We've been talking on the phone for eight hours already.
"No. Stay with me until I fall asleep..." With barely three hours of sleep the night before, I know that he is really tired. I wouldn't mind if he didn't call anymore as promised but something tells me that we just enjoy each other's company.
"How would I know if you're already sleeping?"
"Ummm... I guess when you hear me snore?" He chuckled while trying to defy the exhaustion he is feeling.
There begins our first dead air.
It's been barely a week since we were first got introduced in the YM Conference. He is a friend of another blogger that we both admire. Three days ago, I was able to catch him online before I went to Kirsh's birthday party. A few pleasantries here and there and we knew that we would click.
I guess what really caught my attention is not his impressive built or interesting life - it's his gentleness that I never expected and our common longing for what seems to be unreal. In my years of forging groups and building friendships, it is the people like him that I'm intimidated most. Buff, confident, has a good family background and a promising career. He is someone every bachelor would dream of having.
In my eyes, he is a sunset whose brief luminance cast a long shadow over the verdant plains which my hills try to hide.
"You still there?" I inquired while hiding under the sheets.
"Ummm.... yeah..." Damn his icy bedroom voice. It chills me.
It was followed by a silence whose strangeness was pleasing to my ears.
"I wish you were here..." His voice was so soft, perhaps I've misheard what he truly said.
"I am here..." I answered cautiously while trying to sort out whatever feelings I have at that moment.
Somewhere in the lullaby of silence, I heard Darkstar and Pulsar talking inside my head.
"You can never be... You are meant to be a bridge for people, not the river underneath." Pulsar warned. "You live to be a kuya, a confidant and a pillow for others."
"I know... but can't I be the river for once? I want my waters to flow and find its way to the sea." I answered.
"But you are in the bottom of the food chain. You haven't seen each other yet right? Your conversation tells me that this guy is superior than you in so many ways. Back off now before you wake up wounded from your delusions." It's Darkstar who is now talking.
"But the clubbing tells me otherwise. I have my own niche market!" I insisted.
"They are drunk and lonely. Of course they will notice you." He said. "Besides, you're one of those guys gifted enough to pass out as an absolute straight. They see you as tough and imposing dance partner. Read my lips Joms, not in this lifetime will you become like him."
I try my best to ignore their warnings, but the memories of rejection keep on crawling as the dead air between me and the person on the other line gets longer."
"Fine. Remember, you are taken."
"Will you grant me this moment for a change?" I finally blurted out. "I admit that he is my sunset. Is there a rule forbidding someone to long for its brilliance knowing that it is just a fleeting sight? Just this once, let his rays warm me so I can constantly remind myself that my heart still knows how to burn."
The ongoing argument would have continued, but I realize that I have to check on the other guy that I swore to keep company until he falls asleep tonight.
"Are you there?" I softly whispered on the phone. There was no reply.
I let the dead air pass for several more minutes while pressing the headset closer to my ears. I hear only ambient silence.
I would have stayed longer if not for the faint but distinct sound of a big man snoring. He is indeed tired and if I was there beside him, I would have tucked him under the sheets and look after him until my own body clock calls me to sleep.
"Goodnight Muffy." I whispered "Sweetdreams.... Mugen will keep you company in your sleep" Then, smiling and remembering Mister Hubs' story, I gently placed the handset down back to it's cradle.
"It seems like you're about to fall asleep huh?"
"Uh huh..." he replied in a soft whimper.
"Would you like us to call it a night?" I suggested. We've been talking on the phone for eight hours already.
"No. Stay with me until I fall asleep..." With barely three hours of sleep the night before, I know that he is really tired. I wouldn't mind if he didn't call anymore as promised but something tells me that we just enjoy each other's company.
"How would I know if you're already sleeping?"
"Ummm... I guess when you hear me snore?" He chuckled while trying to defy the exhaustion he is feeling.
There begins our first dead air.
It's been barely a week since we were first got introduced in the YM Conference. He is a friend of another blogger that we both admire. Three days ago, I was able to catch him online before I went to Kirsh's birthday party. A few pleasantries here and there and we knew that we would click.
I guess what really caught my attention is not his impressive built or interesting life - it's his gentleness that I never expected and our common longing for what seems to be unreal. In my years of forging groups and building friendships, it is the people like him that I'm intimidated most. Buff, confident, has a good family background and a promising career. He is someone every bachelor would dream of having.
In my eyes, he is a sunset whose brief luminance cast a long shadow over the verdant plains which my hills try to hide.
"You still there?" I inquired while hiding under the sheets.
"Ummm.... yeah..." Damn his icy bedroom voice. It chills me.
It was followed by a silence whose strangeness was pleasing to my ears.
"I wish you were here..." His voice was so soft, perhaps I've misheard what he truly said.
"I am here..." I answered cautiously while trying to sort out whatever feelings I have at that moment.
Somewhere in the lullaby of silence, I heard Darkstar and Pulsar talking inside my head.
"You can never be... You are meant to be a bridge for people, not the river underneath." Pulsar warned. "You live to be a kuya, a confidant and a pillow for others."
"I know... but can't I be the river for once? I want my waters to flow and find its way to the sea." I answered.
"But you are in the bottom of the food chain. You haven't seen each other yet right? Your conversation tells me that this guy is superior than you in so many ways. Back off now before you wake up wounded from your delusions." It's Darkstar who is now talking.
"But the clubbing tells me otherwise. I have my own niche market!" I insisted.
"They are drunk and lonely. Of course they will notice you." He said. "Besides, you're one of those guys gifted enough to pass out as an absolute straight. They see you as tough and imposing dance partner. Read my lips Joms, not in this lifetime will you become like him."
I try my best to ignore their warnings, but the memories of rejection keep on crawling as the dead air between me and the person on the other line gets longer."
"Fine. Remember, you are taken."
"Will you grant me this moment for a change?" I finally blurted out. "I admit that he is my sunset. Is there a rule forbidding someone to long for its brilliance knowing that it is just a fleeting sight? Just this once, let his rays warm me so I can constantly remind myself that my heart still knows how to burn."
The ongoing argument would have continued, but I realize that I have to check on the other guy that I swore to keep company until he falls asleep tonight.
"Are you there?" I softly whispered on the phone. There was no reply.
I let the dead air pass for several more minutes while pressing the headset closer to my ears. I hear only ambient silence.
I would have stayed longer if not for the faint but distinct sound of a big man snoring. He is indeed tired and if I was there beside him, I would have tucked him under the sheets and look after him until my own body clock calls me to sleep.
"Goodnight Muffy." I whispered "Sweetdreams.... Mugen will keep you company in your sleep" Then, smiling and remembering Mister Hubs' story, I gently placed the handset down back to it's cradle.
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