The Letter

Hi.

May idudulog ako sa iyong problema. I felt an inappropriate attraction to a friend of a friend. We got introduced and I find his sex appeal really getting on to me. The thing is, this friend of mine and him are "dating". They haven't gone out yet, but they have an understanding that they're getting to know each other and open to the possibility of being together as lovers.

I think this feeling is more of obsession than falling for the person. I'm getting more and more interested in him. I hate it. Kasi, I had to go online to my friend's profile, search his friends list until I find the guy's profile. I did find him, but stopped at adding him as my friend. Because I think it's very inappropriate.

I remember the time when I was so inappropriately flirty to my other friends' dates. There was this one friend of mine who dated a guy. Whenever we go out, I'm so pa-cute to his date. Of course, the barkada hated me for being malandi and haliparot. I didn't end up with the guys they dated, but still what I did was unacceptable.

How do I get over this predicament? My friend's away for another week, and I'll definitely see the guy he's dating at the gym (all three of us workout in the same club).

Please help me. I can't stop staring at his profile pic with that cute smile, moreno tone, and nice arms.

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Hello there!

Thanks pare for writing this letter. I appreciate it that you trust me on these matters. You see, not only you faces this kind of dilemma. I know a couple of guys who had the same predicament which you are in right now. Pasensya na if I haven't gone through the same path as you. First, I'm not really as competitive as other people think and second, when I stake my claim over someone, I make sure there are no rivals.

I agree that your attraction is inappropriate. From what I understand, you see him more of a challenge than someone you will take seriously. To compare your situation with mine, its like going to the club every week only to seduce, flirt and then when I score big, (like when someone invites me home only to turn down his invitation) I move on and seek a more challenging game.

You have a very good set of friends. In the circles where I belong, such seduction will never go unnoticed. We have banished several members because their inappropriate acts stirred tension within the group. Besides, kapag nagkasamaan rin ng loob eh nadadamay ang buong tropa. That is why we have learned that friendship and karir don't mix. When "scoring" becomes the objective of a person, he ends up being left out in the end.

Kahit gaano pa siya ka-gwaping or ka-attractive sa amin.

There is nothing wrong to feel an obsession to a person, or feel an overwhelming attraction when he is around. I think it is perfectly normal. You can stare at his photos all day, learn about his hobbies and pastimes, go see him in the gym and have fun - like how you have fun with your friends (unless your definition of fun is different from mine. I belong to the "conservative" school of kalandian kasi.) The bottom line is, you should be supportive of your friend and not the threat like you used to be in the past.

I have no idea how your friendship values work. From what I see, the past has already preceded your present. You are having this dilemma because you can't afford to keep a bad boy reputation anymore. You are torn between your nature and your morals that it gets difficult to strike a deal between your two sides. I understand. It takes time for an obsession to become ordinary and my suggestion is - just let things fall into places without lifting a finger to affect their movements.

Chillax lang. Wait and see lang tayo.

I do not expect you following my suggestion because in the end, we might have different perspectives in life. But if you can't really turn you back to the challenge, just don't let the blame fall upon you. Ibig sabihin. Don't flirt, unless he's the one seducing you first. Strike without mercy only when he is the one crossing the line. It is not your fault when something untoward happens. In fact, I think you are doing your friend a huge favor by unmasking the prospect to reveal how jerk he really is.

Yun nga lang, you have to drop him the moment your goal succeeds.

There are two paths you can take. A third route might just be around the corner. Remember, it is always the friend who sticks with you and not the boys you meet everywhere. So in cases where you have to compete with a friend for attention from a cute guy you just met - it is not bad to give way. After all, your supremacy prevails over your companion's by taking pride to look for another, rather than staking claim over his domain with no certain goal what to do with the plunder.