The Parable

Lest I do something stupid, I should always consult this little gem of wisdom sent to me by someone from above .

[In short: Napagalitan ako ng bonggang bongga sa trabaho kanina.]


5-MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE

Lesson 1:

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her own shower, when the doorbell rings.

The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.

When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor.

Before she says a word, Bob says, ‘I’ll give you $800 to drop that towel.’

After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob, after a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.

The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.

When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, ‘Who was that?’

‘It was Bob, our next door neighbor,’ she replies.

‘Great,’ the husband says, ‘did he say anything about the $800 that he owes me?’

Remember:

If you share information with your fellow officers in a timely manner,
you will more likely be in a position to prevent a costly or regrettable mistake.

Lesson 2:

A priest offered a Nun a lift.

She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg.

The priest nearly had an accident.

After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.

The nun said, ‘Father, remember Psalm 129?’

The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.

The nun once again said, ‘Father, remember Psalm 129?’

The priest apologized ‘Sorry, sister but the flesh is weak.’

Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way.

On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, ‘Go forth and seek, further up you will find glory.’

Remember:

If you are not well informed about your job, you might miss a great opportunity.

Lesson 3:

A sales rep, a clerk, and their manager are walking to lunch when they come across an antique oil lamp lying on the road.

They get it, rub it, and poof! A Genie comes out.

The Genie says, ‘I’ll give each of you just one wish.’

‘Me first! Me first!’ says the clerk. ‘I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world!’

Poof! She’s gone.

‘Me next! Me next!’ says the sales rep. ‘I want to be in Vegas, with an endless supply of money, and the all the time in the world to keep on gambling!’

Poof! He’s gone.

‘OK, you’re up next,’ the Genie says to the manager.

The manager says: ‘I want those two back in the office after lunch.’

Remember:

When making decisions, never pre-empt your boss.

Lesson 4:

An eagle was sitting on a very tall tree, just looking at the clouds move, enjoying the view. A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, ‘Hey, what are you doing up there?"

The eagle said, "Nothing much. Just doing what I want to do, enjoying myself."

The rabbit went, "Wow! Can I also sit like you and just do what I want?’

The eagle answered: ‘Sure, why not.’

So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and just watched while some ants kept working in the distance.

All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit, and ate it.

Remember:

To be just sitting around, doing only what you want,
you must be in a very high position.

Lesson 5:

A turkey was chatting with a bull:

‘I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree’ sighed the turkey, ‘but I haven’t got the energy.’

‘Well, why don’t you nibble on some of my droppings?’ replied the bull. They’re packed with nutrients.’

The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.

The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.

Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree.

He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.

Remember:

Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won’t keep you there permanently.

Lesson 6:

A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold that the bird froze and fell to the ground, onto a large field.

While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.

As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him out!

He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.

A passing cat heard the bird singing, and came to investigate.

Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, promptly dug him out and ate him.

Remember:

Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.

Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.

And when you’re in deep shit, it’s best to keep your mouth shut!

THUS ENDS THE FIVE MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE.