Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Indoctrination

I was about to lift the 250-pound barbell for my Deadlift when the guy I was eyeing blurted out.

"Ang bigat niyan pare ah!"

Smiling, I almost blushed from his complement. The guy was around 5'6 tall. He's plump on the midsection but his dark skin, high-bridged nose and perfect smile is what captured my attention. He's charming and because seldom do I get noticed by the cute guys at the gym, I decided to engage him in a conversation.

"Matagal ka na dito dude?"

"Nawala ako ng matagal eh. Nagkaroon kasi ng problem sa province dahil kay Ondoy."

The guy was obviously interested to chat as well.

I tried to feign interest by paying close attention to the work out program. He stood across, separated only by a power cage where he pushed his limits with his inferior weights. The guy would smile occasionally, especially when he caught me looking curiously at his exercise execution. He seem to enjoy the sudden slowness our encounter had offered, while his presence served as an excuse for me to show-off and impress him with my strength.

"Ilang taon ka na?" I asked during my 1 minute rest between the sets.

"27"

"Magkasing-edad pala tayo eh! Sa age natin, medyo kelangan talaga mag-alaga tayo ng katawan."

Fishing personal details little by little, we got acquainted about each other's lives. He asked where I stay and found out he lives not far from the gym. I learned about his work as a call center agent and even his schedule of work-out. Something tells me our chance meeting is not just ordinary, its something my instinct would howl and scream,

"Trip ka niya parekoy! Go make landi na!"

Yet my dominant avatar would caution, "You are not to respond with a flirt message this time."

Disarmed with the ability to wage war, I wasn't spared even a single claw to make an attack. Blame it on my philosophy of non-violence, but lately, even careless whispers of "I miss you," would put me on high alert. Call it an overkill but something is wrong. Truth is, I'm losing ways of explaining this strong aversion for anything that would make me attached. It must be the stale emotions charging.

The reason I hesitate making a move is the peace I found in not moving at all.


The workout was fast. It only took 30 minutes to complete an exercise that would usually last an hour. Not only was I already late for work, but the thought of having to enter the shower room with the new friend worried me. He's about to finish his program but it appears - my instincts claiming dominance - that he is stalling.

---

I remember once, there was a beefcake at the gym and I used to size him a lot. He would make the rookies insecure by walking around and showing off his muscular nakedness inside the locker room. He was a good teaser and he knew I stared at him when we worked out together. The first chance I entered the shower area with him already there, the beefcake moaned inside his cubicle the whole time. The last chance we did, he pulled the curtains slightly open and stroked his ding-dong in front of me. Our shower cubicles were situated across one another's.

Call me wussy but I never struck back even when the beefcake tempered my senses. I treated the gym with much sanctity that I didn't let any sacrilege to happen. The teaser stayed over for another month but left after his membership had expired. The incident changed us forever. He became more receptive to other members. (while applying a colder treatment towards me) I went on to keep the badge of victory (against his temptations) which I invoke at times I get tempted to shit in my own playground.

---

The last pull-ups set was about to finish and so was my work out. Suspended between the monkey bar and the concrete ground, the reflection I saw on on the wall mirror was his image walking towards the locker room. Earlier, he already bid farewell after adding an extra exercise to his program. Why is it that he decided to extend his work out when he could have left the gym? I have no idea. Is it because he is waiting for someone, or am I just merely letting my imagination interpret his action? I don't know.

It is best never to assume.

Difficult as it is to follow him, I needed to prepare since my trainee has already reported for work. I found the new acquaintance half naked and about to change clothes upon entering the locker room. He smiled once again to acknowledge my presence. He began ranting about how flabby his tummy was. I scanned his rounded body and thought of my own struggles to keep myself fit.

"Six months pare..."

"Six months ano?"

"Buhat buhat at papayat ka," I assured.

While our little chit chat was going on, I can't help but feel tense of our situation. I know we're comfortable with each another but should I pull a hotline that would put us both in a heated crisis, the result might be a quickie in the shower or a big embarrassment I'd be forced to write here in the blog.

I chose to play safe.

"Ikaw tol may sinusuportahan ka ba?" I innocently inquired after telling me he was able to secure a two-month leave from work.

"Ah oo, nagbibigay ako ng pera sa parents ko sa probinsya."

"Ibig ko sabihin, may sariling pamilya ka na ba?" This time, I was direct with my question while taking my sando off.

"Wala pa. Mahirap ang buhay ngayon eh."

His answer was very pleasing to my ears. Something tells me we are of the same blood and attraction. I was about to rest my case, when suddenly I was caught in a complete surprise.

"Ikaw ba?" He asked.

Reason insists that he was merely friendly and curious, but again, my instinct presses on for me to take action.

"If you don't want to seduce, at least get his number."

But I didn't.

It was another classic example of "let's pretend he's straight" maneuver.

We spoke less after learning he's a bachelor. I was ready to take a shower, while he has already changed to his regular clothes instead of joining me.

"O paano tol, alis na ako." He bid goodbye for the last time.

"Nice meeting you dude." I replied in return.

"Ano nga ulit pangalan mo?"

"J. You're Jeff right?" Too bad, he wasn't paying attention. Perhaps he's really straight after all.

"Yup. Sige, kita na lang tayo ulit." Unknown to him, it would take much longer for us to meet again. His schedule will always be in conflict with mine.

But should we cross paths and find ourselves in the same iron-plate laden grounds in the future, then by all means I'd extend the hand of friendship and see where the warm reception would lead us.

I might even learn that he's indeed single and feel the same interest the way I do.

For when you see the situation in a different light, my intention was never about getting a score nor reaffirming my market value. Should I find myself willing to lay down my arms in exchange for a possible union, this time, the new beginning would never speak of seductions or one night stands.

The new doctrine states that we should nurture the attraction.

And let this attraction grow by learning and understanding its very roots.

17 comments:

Herbs D. said...

or maybe he's just playing the whole im-not-that-into-you-but-i-am tactic. You know, trying to forget your name and all.

thing with instincts, they're always right. :)

<*period*>; said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
anteros' dominion said...

hindi nahagip ng aking pangunawa ang mensahe ng post na ito

gulo pa nga yata ang aking 'patas'

balikan ko siguro mamaya, baka mauunawaan ko na.

Johnny Cursive said...

Good job on your victory over beefcakus narcissus. Shitting in the gym is sacrilege. Hehe.

But good luck on the nice guy with the gut. He seems really friendly and your encounter was so non-sexual, it's fantastic. Whether it evolves organically into something friendlier or more intimate is going to be a lot better because you've both started on the right foot. I'm betting that a development into friendship will be more fun, or a date will be sweeter, or the proverbial popoy action will be hotter. =D

red the mod said...

Assumptions usually lead to expectations. Which is why I never assume. Unfortunately, my pessimism usually complicates this refusal to speculate. Hence, I end up not acting at all.

And the decision to not make a move is so enticingly simple to deny.

Maybe chance is on your side this time. And I agree on allowing fate to run its course, for genuine things take time to grow, and must be nurtured to fruition.

The worst that could happen is you gain a friend, and even that isn't bad at all.

[Although often I wonder whether or not I am fated to be 'just a friend' for the rest of my days. Platonic. Loyal. And painfully so.]

engel said...

i think i need to follow your example. maybe then, would i find what i'm really looking for. hmmm.

wanderingcommuter said...

ano bang character sketch ng dominant avatar mo na yan? hahaha!

Galen said...

Ewik:

Kaparehong kapareho nung konserbatibang nagbigay sa akin nung stuff toy na nagpepersonify sa avatar. Hahahaha.

Engel:

If it would help dude, why not?

Galen said...

Red the Mod:

Its good not to assume sometimes, because in truth, some attractions are far more intense to be ignored.

And you're right my friend. Keeping a mum about one's true feelings, especially when we are unsure of the other saves us all the trouble of losing a friend.

Between a romantic affair and a good friendship, i will choose the latter.

Mr. Cursive

Thanks.

I don't look forward to meeting him very soon, but sincerely, I wish it would lead into something that is lasting. I agree that when things began with friendship, the bond it creates tend to be for a lifetime.

Galen said...

Anteros:

Nawa'y naintindihan mo na ang aking nais ipahiwatig kaibigan.

Herbs:

Mostly right. But it is safe to let the other send the salvos first.

COLORBLIND said...

"The new doctrine states that we should nurture the attraction.

And let this attraction grow by learning and understanding its very roots.
"

tumatanda ka na nga haha. getting more cautious in every step of the way.

but i agree, prudence dictates not to rush things especially with matters of the heart. light feelings, if there are any, lying beneath the sea of emotions will unmask themselves and surface in time. quit over-analyzing; clearing out grey areas will save you from a lot of trouble. and when opportunity knocks again, be kind to yourself. you deserve to be happy (we all do hehe).

haha, nag-advice daw ba?

Anonymous said...

May nagkamali ng log in hehehe

PILYO said...

wow.
one of my fave's masterpiece of urs. nakakakilig hehehe.
----

sana sa party natin... plus ONE ka na ha?

Galen said...

Pilyo:

Fearless forecast ko eh ako yung isa sa mga magpapakita na single and unattached sa party na yun. Hahahaha.

Colorblind:

Honga matanda na ako. Huhuhu. I can't afford to follow my sexual urges anymore. I'm seeing that finally I'd break the cycle and live a chaste life in the coming months.

Overanalyzing things. Isa pang problema yun. I consider a lot of things before throwing my heart out. I guess that's the result of the sufferings I had in my previous relationships.

Nakikita ko lately, I'm keeping my options wide open. Hindi rin naman ako nag-eengage ng seryoso kasi iniintay ko lang na mawala yung interest ko dun sa tao.

Aris said...

"nurture the attraction". i like that. oo nga, take it slow. huwag nang masyadong mabilis para huwag mabangga.

beautiful post, my friend. na-articulate mo ang ilan sa mga sentimiyento ko. :)

Galen said...

Aris:

Kung alam ko lang, yan rin ang prinsipyo na pinapagana mo ngayon. Heeehee.

Manech said...

Regardless of his intentions, yours is noble. Which, of course, is nice to hear.