Sunday, December 20, 2009

Lay Down Your Burdens

It feels good
to feel
weak sometimes.

Thank you
for being stronger
for me.

Galen to Stranger
Ledge, BED


You never entrust me with 12 glasses of Margarita and expect to hold myself together after the drinking spree is over. As expected, inhibitions were loosened up and I found my way to the dance floors of Malate after meeting some very old friends in Libis. I may have violated some rules, but I stuck with my edict to return only to BED no matter how costly the bar fee is. The Planned Economy may have worked online but when deciding to let go of my nature - in the real world - seduction becomes my most favorite game.

I had two dance partners before the night was over. The first traded glances with me five minutes after arriving at the bar. I followed him around and the next thing I knew, we were making out in the dark. I found the short, skinhead guy too easy to get. Moments after he laid claim to my lips, his hand was feeling its way inside my jeans. The fondling felt good... really really good... but just when he thought I'd stick around for the rest of the night, I excused myself for a bathroom break and off I went to the other side of the club where I bumped into some friends who were partying last night.

Mounting the ledge to have a good look at the dance floor, I thought my ground was safe. I may have forgotten the remix spun by the DJ, but I do remember how the second one found me.

He was dancing behind when I felt his groin brushing against my hips. His signals were clear even without an eye contact. I never offered resistance when he started scraping his crotch against my buttocks. I even moved closer to let him know his actions were well received. The house track wasn't over and there we were, on top of the ledge, his arms groping my body while mine was locked around his.

It's been some time since I felt a strong connection to a dance partner. The others were just for the booty call, but the second guy I partnered last night was different. From his method of approach, to the way he bust his moves, to the sensible conversation we had while pretending to dance, to the way he offered to take a short walk before daybreak, I knew I'd enjoy him being around. Tired from all the grinding and pumping taking place at the ledge, I wrapped my arms around his waist and leaned my head over his shoulders. He did the same thing and being the taller one between the two of us, his head rests on my chest.

closing my eyes to catch my breath
I felt his big arms squeezing my tired body
I could almost shut off the sounds
and pretend there were no people around
except the two of us having a slow dance
and enjoying the brief
moment we felt good being with each other.

And then I snapped,
after feeling his lips gently touching mine.

"Dude I have to go to the bathroom." I looked at him in the eye to have a steady glance. A kind person like him never deserves someone as emotionally challenged as me.


"Just stay here, I'll return." Planting a kiss on his forehead, I tried to justify my reasons for a second abandonment.

Was it the fear to become attached?

Was it because its easier to kill one's feelings before it manifests in a whole new light?

Or was it because there was no interest to take him seriously, and that, I just enjoyed his presence since he was already a dance partner to begin with?

Finding no reasons to stay, I bid goodbye to friends who witnessed my unbecoming on the ledge. They thought I'd be leaving with the guy I just met but told them I'd be going home alone. Disappearing in the sea of revelers on my way to the exit, it finally dawned to me that despite exposing my human fissures to a stranger, its not time to get soft.

Without looking back or looking around to trade glances with the beautiful people around me, I let the abandoned one claim victory.

He was my last for the night,
while he can find someone else as my replacement.


PILYO said...

nasa Bed ka pala kagabi? ako naman nasa Clubbers Guide. Nakikipag flirt sa mga girls.

Putang ina! hirap mag panggap!

.... buti ka pa.

Galen said...


Dumating ako sa Malate past 2 am na. Naubusan ako ng load kaya hindi ko na natanong kung nasa Clubber's Guide ka pa.

Sus, kung nasa bar mo ako nagpunta, mawiwindang ka lang kasi sa babae ako makikipaglandian. Lolz.