The Golden Gays (Second Part)

First Part

"By that time, there is no need to be straight acting.  The society is much kinder, and in fact, people in power might be flamboyant gays themselves.  Besides, nagpapa-kalalaki ka lang naman para mapansin ng kapwa bading o kaya ay  magtago sa closet. But when you're already sixty at wala ka pang asawa at mga anak, obvious naman na you spent the rest of your life searching for Brando."

Triptych | Allende

Midnightafterburner

January 31, 2010

It is said that it's lonely to stay in the closet, unknown, and your feelings repressed. Ask the faceless guys in Planet Romeo and underneath the flirt talks and regular outbursts of lust they will echo this collective yearning for connection. But these days I have learned that it is more miserable to grow old and forgotten when you could have set aside an inch of humanity in building lasting friendships in your youth.

In the company of the golden gays, there were three things I needed to know: the secret to happiness, the possibility of retaining your not-so-flamboyant self, and the chance of lasting love in this kind of life.

So I sat beside a group of old men (not ladies) to find the answers. The one I chose were at the front. They were a quiet bunch who wore plain clothes, without make-up. They confined their laughter to a mere chortle (unlike the parloristas who sat behind.) and they seem nice enough to carry a small talk (without the innuendos, which I have grown to expect with elder strangers)

The guy I spoke with seemed friendly. I initiated the conversation by asking if he was associated with the golden gays. (isn't obvious) What I meant was why did he act so manly when his colleagues were confidently strutting in front parading their gowns and saya.

What I learned was at a very young age, he knew his sexuality. Coming from a Chinese lineage however, he was forbidden to come out.

"Masayahin akong tao kaya gusto kong sumama sa mga bading." The gay contestants were out-fagging each other in the Q and A portion.

"Pero galit na galit yung papa ko kaya hindi ako makapagladlad," he added. "Kaya nung namatay siya, para akong nakalaya. Ang saya-saya ko!"

He told me that he got a girl pregnant. I could not recall if he was married to the girl but he appears out to his children. He doesn't live in the retirement home unlike the other old folks do. Instead, he runs his own business, lives in a big house with his grandchildren and joins JJ's group whenever he calls a reunion.

"Alam mo may kamukha ka sa bahay nila." Now the spotlight's on me.

"Talaga po?" At that point I was wondering if I had a senior counterpart.

"Nakatira siya dun pag araw pero nagko-callboy pag gabi."  I wasn't sure if I'd get flattered.  All I know is that even in my best shape I'd never have the balls to get perks in exchange for my body.

We could have carried on the conversation but the meals were already served. Instead of sitting pretty in my floral spot, I decided to help the kids distribute the plates of Spaghetti with Shanghai Rolls.

It's a good thing also that the chat was cut short.  Fraternizing with my new-found lolo lead him to ask for my number.  His approach, as well as the tone of his voice reminded me of the days when I was still solo and people thought of me as prey.

The elders huddled together in their seats, while the MGGFF kids stood at the back talking to one another. Meanwhile, I found myself doing those little chores such as getting those empty plates or handing over cups of Iced Tea for our guests. I did my best to savor the company of the golden gays for I know,

chance encounters seldom happen.

The resulting faux pas from the old chap I spoke earlier kept me from mingling with the other elders. I promised the punked/shoti look-alike to give my number upon my return, but I didn't. Apparently, the scars from my un-taken days remain and long-term connection was never my intention.

So instead, I stuck with a lesbian and learned that she was once my dad's henchmen. It happened when she asked for the exit (so she could take a yosi break) but instead of merely pointing at the direction, I accompanied her hoping to get a free cigarette.

On our way out, I spotted this stone-faced guy seated near the bar. Ignored by everyone, his prominent sideburns, chiseled jaws and very uptight manner would mistake him for an outsider. But his old age comparable to those at the front would confuse someone's baklameter even further.

He could be the one I've been searching.

-tobecontinued-