Saturday, April 2, 2011


This is how I think when I was twenty years old:

"Since I never had relationship with the same sex, the only thing that I could say is that in my case, I find it hard to commit with one partner - I have a girlfriend and at the same time, I do flirt with other... guys and girls. Maybe it's my nature, I really don't know.

Like what I've said, I'm not into a long-term commitment especially with the same sex. Kaya nga as much as possible I try to control myself from falling... Because I know it's just a quickie infatuation. Companionship would be better since there's no strings attached, at the same time, there are no pressures, and everything else. Once you have committed for a very long time, you're not bisexual anymore, you have become a homosexual.

As a bisexual, the prime directive is never tell anyone your true identity. You are a secret person... even in bed, i guess.

Anyway my idea of a perfect setup for a bisexual is that... you have a male (for us) female (for the g-bi) partner, you can both fall in love but you have to take it a level higher than most of us can ever imagine... Always, I think bi's are people who get involve with the same sex but at the same time, gives priority to think of having a family of his/her own ... My concept of having a relationship with the same sex is like having a very close friend, you commit to your friend, you are always together, you know how you feel for each other but at the same time, both of you are aware that you cannot pass as boyfriends/girlfriends for life.

I guess this is my concept... for now, I just accepted myself just a month ago. I don't know about others, hope they could post about their concept of bisexuality too."

Alien Nation Thread, 
March 3, 2002

There is no doubt as to what I have become. Nine years later, life would refute everything I thought was true.  

The stark difference between then and now is  that  there was more time to explore. The world  was a blank canvass ready to be painted with memories and life lessons gained by the gay men of our time.

With  an entire generation of  straight-acting men still hiding inside the closet, concepts as to how to live and conduct oneself were discussed online. Seldom would you hear thoughts laced with sexual innuendos, and misadventures with the same kind, were generally frowned upon.

Men were more concerned about their place in the universe. So many of them banded together in hopes of crossing the distance and learn who they truly are.

I grew up at a time when Internet chatting was just new.  Men labeled themselves as bisexuals until it got overused, so people coined new words to tell the same thing.  There were no clans then, and only few groups from  MIRC and Pinoyexchange found  the courage to assemble their ranks. They converged at different spots around Malate proclaiming their turf and their masculinity depending on how distant their ground was from the epicenter that was Orosa. 

They say  history is written by the victors, and from the time we gained consciousness after the founders of Jackers and Manhood - two of the prominent groups to branch out of  Bi-Manila -  met for the first time; to the effem - straightacting polarity  after the closets came out of hiding;  to the metrosexual awakening brought by the coming of QAF, to the forums of Guys4Men, where sex eyeballs, gay empowerment and clan formation became the issues of the day;  to the ever-changing landscape of Malate and Galera and the revelers who frequent these places, one would realize that acceptance is inevitable.  

Things may have had a bad start, but worldviews indeed change.

I may have said the words above back when I was but a blank canvass. But I have lived through a time when everyone thought the parloristas were the only gays.  I  have seen many lives and heard different stories only to learn that in the end, there is no in-between.

sleeping baabaa

Bisexuality ends when loving begins.