Less than a year ago, I would have complained to an ODDER* who subscribes to G4M why do they get so much traffic when mine would have been lucky to have one in a span of two days. There were even times I would just send a friendly message to someone else only to be ignored for one reason or another. And who would forget the time when some egoistic maniac completely blocked my access to his profile after I told the guy how much I would like to be like him when I grow older. Those were the old times. It's so funny how things change in such a short span of time.
As a rule, I never send a private message that includes sexual overtones to someone. Mostly, they were words of compliments or friendly messages like how goodlooking the guy is, or how his profile gets an impression that the guy is nice and accomodating. Since I have been quite active in that website recently, I have began forging friendships with other guys I haven't met yet. These folks have always been my priority whenever I log on to my account.
But recently, after uploading my most recent pics and changing my personal profile completely, I noticed a sudden surge of messages asking me for sexual favors. At first, it was flattering - simply because for the longest time, I haven't recieved anyone from someone. But when you begin to get used to it, it becomes dull and boring. Words like "sex tayo" or "may place ka ba pare" simply becomes too annoying - that I begin ignoring their messages as well - just like what others did to mine way before, even if it was just a real and honest complement.
Indeed, when you live a PLU life, chances are, you are in a constant struggle to out-guy somebody else. The more buff and goodlooking you are, the more you demand to meet someone like you. In fact, I was having a pleasant PM exchange with XP yesterday morning and he told me about this guy he was talking to who blantly told every "ugly" readers of his profile to back off because they don't deserve to be there in the first place, looking at his pic. XP told the guy how his personal description turns off other potential hot guys in meeting him in person.
When I read the guy's profile, his looks doesn't complement his attitude. With one click, I blocked the guy from accessing my profile - whether tomorrow or in the future.
As of this writing, messages in my G4M kept on coming. They were mostly from strangers who might have noticed my profile on the roster of guys who are currently online. While most of them are looking for friendships - some, even giving their mobile numbers and all, there are some who are quite blatant with their purposes of having sexual contact that it makes you wonder where do they get such guts to tell a guy upfront how he looks "kalibog libog on his pic." or something like that... when in fact, their physical looks doesn't make them fit in acting like that. I just got one from a Thundercat* and it immediately ticked me off.
For the record, I haven't used my G4M account for any sleazy purposes ever since I joined that community last August. So far, I have managed to restrain myself even though at times, it was nearly impossible considering the state of flux I kept on experiencing almost every quarter. What deeply worries me recently is that I feel like I am becoming the guy who once ignored me.
In the way I react alone whenever I don't like somebody else's profile; in the way I ignore somebody else's offer of friendship - whether it may be true or not; in the way I think some of my actions would be considered "nagmamaganda" to others, it shows that I am gradually changing... that the confidence I am starting to exude is beginning to get into my head.
I just hope that no matter what happens, I would be reminded of my past - and where I came from. I hope that I would be reminded that looks are subjective and other people gets hurt whenever somebody turns them down for reasons only the recipient of the message knows. After all, when you take somebody else's mask - no matter how attractive or goodlooking they are, one would find a specific vulnerable spot that when triggered would make a person tumble into oblivion.
Just like me, take off my mask and it reveals a guy who really thinks of himself as not goodlooking... he doesn't even think of himself as someone who could be considered an average to general PLU's perception. Perhaps, it is his confidence building him up that's why he's getting those G4M traffic surge. Probably his successful encounters with his previous megabets* reinforced his beliefs that he can take whoever he really wanted to be with - anytime he wants. His workouts might have probably contributed to his confidence as well.
But when you take everything off, the looks, the vulnerabilites, the perceptions - all you can really find is the humanity of a person. No matter what happens - even though changes are really imminent in the future, I hope that I could still find a huge space to retain mine.
After all, the very reason we find ourselves hanging out in those communities like G4M is to really find our humanity.
How sad though that what we do there most of the time makes us less of a human.
No comments:
Post a Comment