Sunday, July 18, 2010


In many eastern religions, the faithful believe that souls walk from one body to another. We know it as reincarnation. The thought itself didn't stop there. Buddhist and Hindu Theologians teach that a group of souls journey from one lifetime to the next until everyone learns their purpose. Their concept of heaven only gain prominence after the soul finally matures.

Such idea brings comfort when being confronted with the thought of passing. There is this subconscious desire to live forever that we do everything in our power to prolong our lives - whether for pleasure, accomplishment or to find a sense of purpose. I have long rejected the idea of heaven. Life is learning and much as I wish to convert others into my faith, general belief claims otherwise.

I want to spend another lifetime with my loved ones.

And so with this belief, I tried to shield myself from the icy pang of reality. Out of the blue, mom told me that she wanted butterflies and sunflowers on her funeral. I try not to reason why she suddenly made such request when there is no urgency to do so.

And then she started crying.

These portents may linger in my head long after my workout tonight, but should her request be granted sooner despite the collective protest of her Jāti, then my lifetime should be about to end.

The last time I recall, I only asked for a life a little longer than hers.


PILYO said...

One of my fears is death. But the idea of aging alone is the scariest thing I couldn’t imagine. Glad that there’s papa joms that pledged he will never ever leave me.


~Carrie~ said...

It'd make me worry if my mom would request the same thing: what would be in her funeral and stuff related to her death. If it happens, I'd pray to God to extend her life as I keep in mind her special requests.

davidrockens said...

take care my friend... mwah!

Mu[g]en said...


Hanggang sa pagtanda. Magkakasama tayo nila daddy. Pangako yan. :)



Mami Athena requested the same thing many years ago. I kept it in mind.


Thank you! Mwah!

anteros' dominion said...

sana okay ka lang kuya!

ako, isa lang ang gusto ko kapag namatay ako..

mayruong choir na kakanta ng 'the prayer of saint francis'

yung ang areglo ay kapareho ng areglo na ginagamit ng philippine madrigal singers

at tsaka, sana walang euology..(dahil ang paniniwala ko, mas magandang habang buhay pa ang tao, ipinaparamdam na yung pagpapahalaga at pagmamahal sa kaniya)

Carl said...

joms, i'll be writing my thesis soon, and tentatively, it's entitled:

the emergence of gay literature from philippine blogs: text, context and intertext

sana ma-access ko previous posts mo, lalo na yung mga naabutan ko.

*thanks again... sana matapos na ito at nang makagradweyt na.

Gerardo said...

I really appreciate your blog entries such as this, i started reading your blog 2 weeks ago and find it soulful..keep it up..regards to your mom na rin Ü

jericho said...

it takes courage to talk about death or dying. we try to find comfort wherever we can in order to be that brave. hope you're well. :)

Alterjon said...

worry not mortality but the fragility of the heart.

a strong heart conquers all.


soltero said...

pucha, pagkabasa ko ng last sentence..bumigay ako .....

Désolé Boy said...

kaya ako..kung pwede lang mas mauna ko mamaalam sa mga mahal ko..

am not afraid of dying.
am afraid of growing old.

hugs kay tita (naki-tita ko, hehe)

Mu[g]en said...

Desole Boy:

I saw how painful it was for Nanay Bining to see her daughter go before her. Huwag mo na pangarapin.


One of the things I would tell you is that I live my life without long-term plans. Kaya ganun.


You have to sometimes conjure an image of eternity when speaking about passing over. There is solace at the thought that there is no end. Just new beginnings :)

red the mod said...

Death is an eventuality. To fear it is to dwell on a reality uncompromising. Know that the value of our lives rests on how we have touched those around us. Man is passing, humanity isn't.

To move others is to move oneself. That even if fate casts ours spirits too early to shore, our wave will wander continually with those whom we've left behind. Your mom knows that. Fear doesn't dissipate, but acceptance is euphoric as well.

She knows this. And your embrace spelled everything words failed to verbalize that moment. Be well.

Mu[g]en said...


Easy to say, difficult to apply. :)


That is something I realized lately and I feel good about it.

Thank you.


Of course kapatid! I will grant you access. Send me your email at I will give you the link. :)

Mu[g]en said...


And that is why the monuments that often endure are the ones built with hearts.

I've been thinking about an entry which explores a new way to gain immortality. Hehehe.


Alam mo sabi ko sa mom ko when she requested butterflies?

Told her, "You don't have to tell me, I already know it."

It only means when you are deeply connected with someone - in my case - my mom, there are things she don't need to tell, which I already understand.

Find a deep connection. You will get your wish. :)

Allan said...

part of me wishes my parents would both live longer than me. i guess that's because i don't want to feel the pain that this kind of separation brings.

whatever you hope for your mom, i hope they will be granted.

just dropping by..

daniel said...

Ako rin..ur forever be my friend...este' my sis' : )

daniel said...

Maiiyak siguro ako pag narinig ko yung mga ganyang request sa mama ko.

Nimmy said...

mabuti nakapagreact ka pa sa request ng mom mo. kung ako siguro un, magwawalk out ako.

Mu[g]en said...


You just have to empathize, after all, he's your mom. :)


Sobrang disturbed kaya ako na kelangan ko magdagdag ng extra plates sa gym para lang makahanap ng ibang focus.

Looking forward to see you soon...


Like I said, it's more difficult for parents to bury their child than for a child to let go of their parents. That's how nature is supposed to play.

Cio said...

I hope everything is OK now...

kryptonite User said...

As a fan of this blog, it is always with bated breath that I open Sir Mugen's wonderful blog, curious of what treasure trove of deeply personal dialectic would affirm not only his existence but mine as well. And more often than not I am rewarded and always grateful that such benevolence has come my way. So to read a grim, foreboding statement of his own passing (... my lifetime should be about to end) sends waves of panic and an impulse akin to saving a falling baby from a burning building but gagged by my status of just being a "fan". But i cannot help but say - Sir Mugen, please reconsider an alternative ending filled with joy that may come outside of your consanguinity.

Mu[g]en said...

Kryptonite User:

Thank you for your kind words sir. It was really heartfelt. :) The thing is, I always keep in mind that life is but a contract. You will never know when it would be taken away. Making a personal request with the great contractor assures me of my purpose: That there is a meaning why I am still here and why I should be here. :) I guess one of my blog entries last month will give you an idea.

Anyway, I made the request long before we found out my sister got pregnant. Who knows, I may get a life extension. After all, he is aware I live life not for myself but for others.

I guess this is what you call karma.


What triggered her request were the live butterflies given to her by the Lesbian Drivers' sister. I told her to free them but she insisted otherwise. Yun, the butterflies are still kept, much to my protest, and well, they will live the remainder of their lives in a box. Haha.

Carl said...

Pasasalamat galing sa kyusi. Hehe.

Lalaki Daw Po said...

nice post.. touching..

am just new here.

paci said...

death for me is the climax of life. it is not the end but a pause. and when one person passes on, we celebrate the time that that person spent here in this earth. =)

in the vernacular we say "sumakabilambuhay" which actually says and means more..

when i pass on to the afterlife, i want the people that i leave to laugh and celebrate my life.