The fires will still burn, even if what remains are embers in the campfire.
The semester went so fast, I didn't notice it was over so soon. Indeed, Masterals is no easy challenge. the subjects alone tells me that I'm not as good as I once thought I am. The shortcomings are all evident, no matter how I try my best to prove that they are all wrong. There were praises, in fairness, yet criticisms are like daggers stabbing an onion-skinned heart. It was painful, humiliating and sometimes even demeaning. I am not used to criticism because I make sure that before it happens, I have braced myself for any shortcomings. However, in the courtyard of the gods, there will always be a hole in which they could throw their weight around you. And they did, for the last six months I have been in their audience.
Nevertheless, when there is an infliction of pain, there will always be a reason to get up and face the challenge. Honestly, if I am not so strong enough to face such magnifying of errors, I could have backed off and leave immediately. After all, I am not really looking forward to finishing this little project. However, a project is a project, and no matter how difficult or dehumanizing it could be, there is a job to finish in the end.
I accept that I am just a mere underdog. A wimp, who could not even stand up for myself or question the works of others - a newbie never speaks in front of his masters. Soon, when I have armed myself with the skills to match their prowess, when I had proven myself to be worthy of their recognition, then I will speak up and point out my thoughts. It would take a while and it would take some painful evolutions, but if I keep on facing them, facing the wind that could anytime make me tumble, then there is hope.
It may have been a bad half-year, but in all honesty, there are lessons learned; lessons that I am beginning to apply, here in this blog. Comments such as wrong choice of words, tenses na nakaka-tense, limited vocabulary skills, need to flesh out the characters - these observations will soon pass, I am sure of that.
In the end, no matter how some tortures have put me down, there are reasons to go on. The individual judgments maybe disheartening, but the writing itself - the research, the field expeditions, the experience gained from such expeditions is something to look forward to. Never in my work-life have I exerted so much effort to get out of my life-cycle in order to write things, that make an object or subject almost immortal. And that's the wonder of writing - immortality.
So I will crawl back into my hole, look back to where I could improve my craft. Silently, discreetly master it until one day, one fine semester, I will be back and show them how far I have improved. It will be hard, but so long as the fires of writing keeps burning within me.
There is no reason to quit.
The semester went so fast, I didn't notice it was over so soon. Indeed, Masterals is no easy challenge. the subjects alone tells me that I'm not as good as I once thought I am. The shortcomings are all evident, no matter how I try my best to prove that they are all wrong. There were praises, in fairness, yet criticisms are like daggers stabbing an onion-skinned heart. It was painful, humiliating and sometimes even demeaning. I am not used to criticism because I make sure that before it happens, I have braced myself for any shortcomings. However, in the courtyard of the gods, there will always be a hole in which they could throw their weight around you. And they did, for the last six months I have been in their audience.
Nevertheless, when there is an infliction of pain, there will always be a reason to get up and face the challenge. Honestly, if I am not so strong enough to face such magnifying of errors, I could have backed off and leave immediately. After all, I am not really looking forward to finishing this little project. However, a project is a project, and no matter how difficult or dehumanizing it could be, there is a job to finish in the end.
I accept that I am just a mere underdog. A wimp, who could not even stand up for myself or question the works of others - a newbie never speaks in front of his masters. Soon, when I have armed myself with the skills to match their prowess, when I had proven myself to be worthy of their recognition, then I will speak up and point out my thoughts. It would take a while and it would take some painful evolutions, but if I keep on facing them, facing the wind that could anytime make me tumble, then there is hope.
It may have been a bad half-year, but in all honesty, there are lessons learned; lessons that I am beginning to apply, here in this blog. Comments such as wrong choice of words, tenses na nakaka-tense, limited vocabulary skills, need to flesh out the characters - these observations will soon pass, I am sure of that.
In the end, no matter how some tortures have put me down, there are reasons to go on. The individual judgments maybe disheartening, but the writing itself - the research, the field expeditions, the experience gained from such expeditions is something to look forward to. Never in my work-life have I exerted so much effort to get out of my life-cycle in order to write things, that make an object or subject almost immortal. And that's the wonder of writing - immortality.
So I will crawl back into my hole, look back to where I could improve my craft. Silently, discreetly master it until one day, one fine semester, I will be back and show them how far I have improved. It will be hard, but so long as the fires of writing keeps burning within me.
There is no reason to quit.
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