I could still close my eyes and remember how I spent my last night at Papu's place.
It was past midnight. The soft orange orbs glow brightly, lighting up the stretch of Riverbanks Road from Blue Ridge all the way to Marikina. The Santolan LRT Station was bathed in white luminescent light radiating over the horizon. The drab houses, which are perched on the hills of Antipolo now glimmer like faint stars in the distance. They form patternless constellations, which when viewed from a high place still makes a person breathless once he gazes at them.
It was past midnight. The soft orange orbs glow brightly, lighting up the stretch of Riverbanks Road from Blue Ridge all the way to Marikina. The Santolan LRT Station was bathed in white luminescent light radiating over the horizon. The drab houses, which are perched on the hills of Antipolo now glimmer like faint stars in the distance. They form patternless constellations, which when viewed from a high place still makes a person breathless once he gazes at them.
However, the room where I was supposed to sleep was shrouded in darkness. The only source of light that illuminates the entire pad comes from the kitchen, and from the units across the condominium tower where the bedroom - Papu's bedroom was located.
Roy didn't make it. He was supposed to stay and join me for the night, but something came up and he was not allowed to leave home that evening. The cheap boxers shorts, which I requested him to buy for me did not materialize. Since my provisions were only intended for an overnight stay, it was already stretched to its limits. I had to endure an evening wearing a cum-spotted boxer shorts, which was the result of watching too much Xtube videos in the internet.
So I went to Eastwood Cybermall to buy some provisions after receiving Roy's cancellation. Since I was playing the part of being the solitary donya which began on the first night, I had to live it up or my whole act would be put to waste. That morning, I rode a cab going to work. I got off the taxi in front of our building and pretended to be some yuppie call-center agent, ignoring everyone that I came across. In my eyes, I was filthy rich; I was simply doing an eight-hour job because I don't have anything to do with my free time.
If I have done an overboard, I would have pretended that I have a rich boyfriend who went abroad for a business meeting. Of course, Papu's hubby would get mad once he found out that my little "act" would cause some confusion and disbelief. Even if these pretensions were only running inside my head, too much delusion may reflect on one's perception of things.
So I had to resume my routine once work had started. When my shift had ended, I returned to Papu's place riding a lowly jeep in order to save money. Sometimes, acting has its limits especially if you don't have the resources to back your entire play.
Now going back to Cybermall, I was really short of underwear, so I really have to buy a pair of boxers. The cheapest one I could find was displayed at Penshoppe and I was tempted to use my card for the purchase. Fortunately, Phanks returned the money he borrowed several days before. It was supposed to be for my phone payment but I decided to use it, lest I face the hassle of looking for an ATM machine inside Eastwood City.
Then I went to a nearby Ministop store to buy a bath soap and a natural-flavored Nagaraya before going back to the pad.
Coated peanuts was my dinner that evening. There was food in the fridge but I don't know how to cook.
Papu also forgot to leave a bath soap when he and his hubby flew to Davao. Therefore, I had to provide my own.
---
Looking back, it was a night of complete contrast.
I was living the epitome of material pleasures yet I was forced to survive on meager subsistence. I slept wrapped under a thick blanket, which I brought all the way from home to defer homesickness. The AC hummed above me. At home, the electric fan blasted artificial winds on my legs and feet, but my back, face and head remained drenched in sweat. At Papu's, I watched National Geographic on a Philips 37-inch HDTV before going to sleep. In my room, it is the 15-inch Panasonic CRT that automatically shuts off 30 minutes after I dozed off.
Two weeks after it all happened, I still miss that final night.
But what I will miss most is the fact that for two days, I had my independence. I struggled to live alone, isolated from everyone and I succeeded.
The trusteeship of Papu's pad went well and I have completely re-adjusted back to my old life. As far as I know, I did a good job looking after his home and his cat, Alec. Everything is accounted for.
However I am not expecting another opportunity to come in the future.
Knowing that my responsibilities to my family comes first, it will always be Roy - who would be asked first to become the taong-bahay. Since he lives on his own, his assistance would be easier to confirm rather than mine, which only comes at the final hour. Besides, he doesn't have anyone left behind to worry about and he seems more comfortable taking the responsibility I reluctantly accepted.
It was his call and not mine. But it was my dream and not his.
Three years ago, I found myself talking to a unit broker at Espana Towers. I was doing an ocular inspection of a pad that I was pretending to rent. The broker was so convinced by my act that he showed me around in order to allay my doubts. However, I knew the futility of my attempt. It was impossible to afford such a place even if my dad, at that time could afford to buy a brand new car anytime he wants.
He will never grant my wish.
But the dream persisted: "By mid-twenties, I shall know what it feels like to live independently in my own pad." At twenty five, I did finally live in a pad alone, but the dream was not mine to enjoy.
The brief and fleeting Donya-donyahan sessions - for all it's worth and hassles - will forever be a reminder of what it feels like to finally cross the last hurdle and find myself truly there. It lasted only for a day and two nights, but it was the closest I get to having my dream.
I know that it will be a long shot before I could reach my destination. In fact, I may never reach my destination at all. But as a source of comfort, Papu only found himself at that spot thirty one years after he was born.
I am twenty six before the year ends. There is still time.
Roy didn't make it. He was supposed to stay and join me for the night, but something came up and he was not allowed to leave home that evening. The cheap boxers shorts, which I requested him to buy for me did not materialize. Since my provisions were only intended for an overnight stay, it was already stretched to its limits. I had to endure an evening wearing a cum-spotted boxer shorts, which was the result of watching too much Xtube videos in the internet.
So I went to Eastwood Cybermall to buy some provisions after receiving Roy's cancellation. Since I was playing the part of being the solitary donya which began on the first night, I had to live it up or my whole act would be put to waste. That morning, I rode a cab going to work. I got off the taxi in front of our building and pretended to be some yuppie call-center agent, ignoring everyone that I came across. In my eyes, I was filthy rich; I was simply doing an eight-hour job because I don't have anything to do with my free time.
If I have done an overboard, I would have pretended that I have a rich boyfriend who went abroad for a business meeting. Of course, Papu's hubby would get mad once he found out that my little "act" would cause some confusion and disbelief. Even if these pretensions were only running inside my head, too much delusion may reflect on one's perception of things.
So I had to resume my routine once work had started. When my shift had ended, I returned to Papu's place riding a lowly jeep in order to save money. Sometimes, acting has its limits especially if you don't have the resources to back your entire play.
Now going back to Cybermall, I was really short of underwear, so I really have to buy a pair of boxers. The cheapest one I could find was displayed at Penshoppe and I was tempted to use my card for the purchase. Fortunately, Phanks returned the money he borrowed several days before. It was supposed to be for my phone payment but I decided to use it, lest I face the hassle of looking for an ATM machine inside Eastwood City.
Then I went to a nearby Ministop store to buy a bath soap and a natural-flavored Nagaraya before going back to the pad.
Coated peanuts was my dinner that evening. There was food in the fridge but I don't know how to cook.
Papu also forgot to leave a bath soap when he and his hubby flew to Davao. Therefore, I had to provide my own.
---
Looking back, it was a night of complete contrast.
I was living the epitome of material pleasures yet I was forced to survive on meager subsistence. I slept wrapped under a thick blanket, which I brought all the way from home to defer homesickness. The AC hummed above me. At home, the electric fan blasted artificial winds on my legs and feet, but my back, face and head remained drenched in sweat. At Papu's, I watched National Geographic on a Philips 37-inch HDTV before going to sleep. In my room, it is the 15-inch Panasonic CRT that automatically shuts off 30 minutes after I dozed off.
Two weeks after it all happened, I still miss that final night.
But what I will miss most is the fact that for two days, I had my independence. I struggled to live alone, isolated from everyone and I succeeded.
The trusteeship of Papu's pad went well and I have completely re-adjusted back to my old life. As far as I know, I did a good job looking after his home and his cat, Alec. Everything is accounted for.
However I am not expecting another opportunity to come in the future.
Knowing that my responsibilities to my family comes first, it will always be Roy - who would be asked first to become the taong-bahay. Since he lives on his own, his assistance would be easier to confirm rather than mine, which only comes at the final hour. Besides, he doesn't have anyone left behind to worry about and he seems more comfortable taking the responsibility I reluctantly accepted.
It was his call and not mine. But it was my dream and not his.
Three years ago, I found myself talking to a unit broker at Espana Towers. I was doing an ocular inspection of a pad that I was pretending to rent. The broker was so convinced by my act that he showed me around in order to allay my doubts. However, I knew the futility of my attempt. It was impossible to afford such a place even if my dad, at that time could afford to buy a brand new car anytime he wants.
He will never grant my wish.
But the dream persisted: "By mid-twenties, I shall know what it feels like to live independently in my own pad." At twenty five, I did finally live in a pad alone, but the dream was not mine to enjoy.
The brief and fleeting Donya-donyahan sessions - for all it's worth and hassles - will forever be a reminder of what it feels like to finally cross the last hurdle and find myself truly there. It lasted only for a day and two nights, but it was the closest I get to having my dream.
I know that it will be a long shot before I could reach my destination. In fact, I may never reach my destination at all. But as a source of comfort, Papu only found himself at that spot thirty one years after he was born.
I am twenty six before the year ends. There is still time.
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