There comes a crossroad in a confused man's life when he have to choose whether to come out to the light, or continue to hide in the darkness of his cramped closet. Many souls take years or even decades before they could accept their true sexual preference. Others embrace it unconsciously while doing the deed all non-straight men do. I don't know how others found their way into the fold, but mine was stirred by a single comic book and opened my eyes to the possibilities of being a proud homosexual person.
It was almost eight years ago when it all happened, one afternoon while doing my duties as an on-the-job trainee in a daily newspaper.
I was assigned to the Lifestyle Section of the broadsheet, Manila Times. Barely a week after my tour of duty had begun, my first assignment was to arrange the photos and their write-ups sent by PR firms according to the day they will come out of the newspaper. Mondays are for arts and crafts, while Tuesdays are for food and restaurants. I believe it was Thursdays when they feature books and other activities related to literature.
Behind the editor's desk were magazines and books sent to her by publishing companies across the country. There were thick ones devoted for landscape design and home improvement and thin ones for culinary arts. There were also several novels written by Filipinos, but I was too engrossed in Journalism then to notice these works. While arranging them, a booklet, no thicker than my mouse pad fell out from the collection. It immediately caught my attention because this booklet was not your ordinary material, but a graphic comic book for that matter.
I picked it up so I can have a closer inspection. The design cover was all black, with dark yellow prints and two men in its front cover. No one will ever assume that the book I was holding was actually a gay literature. No, I was simply too ignorant to be aware of them.
Curiosity got hold of me, so I opened the booklet and began reading the first page. I remember the story starting at the middle - in medias res - just before the climax. Two guys were confronting each other over something. One was a thin guy with a slight hint of femininity, while the other, a stocky looking brute packed with muscles and a brash attitude. It was raining and the opening drama took place on an open field where grasses grow as tall at the main characters.
The comic book One Night in Purgatory was Carlo Vergara's first graphic novel. It tells a story of two men, Deio and Casey who have been close friends since childhood. When Deio "came out" in college, Casey was very supportive despite his low regard for homosexuality. Soon after a turning point in their friendship, Casey and Deio parted ways and strove to go on with their lives. Two years later, Casey begins to reach out to Deio and tries to pick up from where they left. On that reunion night, they exorcise the demons bred by their two-year separation, and learn the valuable lessons of friendship, acceptance, forgiveness, and love.
I do not remember much about the story - except the images of the hunky Deio howling and jeering while a sexy female entertainer danced on top of their table, and of Casey who quietly honed his artistic gifts and occasionally thinks of his best friend Deio. Like what I've said, I was too ignorant to understand then. Nonetheless, I got this impression that something intimate happened between the two of them for Casey to scream at Deio and make him realize that doing it with another guy makes him no different from all gay guys. Their one-night intimacy had opened the possibilities for Deio to accept homosexual relationships.
I was stunned after reading the novel and how I wish I whisked it inside my bag instead of putting it back where it came from. Lucky for me, no one was around to witness my awakening. You see, back then, I never thought that one can be gay and still retain his masculinity. Only the effeminate stereotypes dominated my thoughts.
A few months after reading the comic book, I began taking bold steps that would lead to the adoption of my new sexual preference. There is the Borderline crossing, where I dared myself to acquire my first man to man VCD under the watchful eyes of the Carriedo LRT Station.
A year later, I had my first man to man kiss courtesy of a guy I met from the first "Bisexual" eyeball I attended in Pinoyexchange. It was also the first time I became heavily infatuated with a guy, that I had to break up with my girlfriend for us to see each other more often. It was also the first time I had SEB just to get back at a love that was unrequited,
Finally, it was also the first time I met Carlo Vergara in the flesh and told him how his brilliant work transformed me.
Looking back, I have lived in my own purgatory ever since childhood. I knew that the homosexual tendencies were there, but I suppressed it violently because no one, not even me could imagine turning into a parlorista just to fit into the homosexual mold. Who would have thought that its end would come the day I discovered Vergara's novel.
I guess not even hell or heaven could tell what my life could have been, had Purgatory not slipped from the books I was carrying that fateful afternoon.
---
Carlo Vergara's Blogspot
It was almost eight years ago when it all happened, one afternoon while doing my duties as an on-the-job trainee in a daily newspaper.I was assigned to the Lifestyle Section of the broadsheet, Manila Times. Barely a week after my tour of duty had begun, my first assignment was to arrange the photos and their write-ups sent by PR firms according to the day they will come out of the newspaper. Mondays are for arts and crafts, while Tuesdays are for food and restaurants. I believe it was Thursdays when they feature books and other activities related to literature.
Behind the editor's desk were magazines and books sent to her by publishing companies across the country. There were thick ones devoted for landscape design and home improvement and thin ones for culinary arts. There were also several novels written by Filipinos, but I was too engrossed in Journalism then to notice these works. While arranging them, a booklet, no thicker than my mouse pad fell out from the collection. It immediately caught my attention because this booklet was not your ordinary material, but a graphic comic book for that matter.
I picked it up so I can have a closer inspection. The design cover was all black, with dark yellow prints and two men in its front cover. No one will ever assume that the book I was holding was actually a gay literature. No, I was simply too ignorant to be aware of them.
Curiosity got hold of me, so I opened the booklet and began reading the first page. I remember the story starting at the middle - in medias res - just before the climax. Two guys were confronting each other over something. One was a thin guy with a slight hint of femininity, while the other, a stocky looking brute packed with muscles and a brash attitude. It was raining and the opening drama took place on an open field where grasses grow as tall at the main characters.
The comic book One Night in Purgatory was Carlo Vergara's first graphic novel. It tells a story of two men, Deio and Casey who have been close friends since childhood. When Deio "came out" in college, Casey was very supportive despite his low regard for homosexuality. Soon after a turning point in their friendship, Casey and Deio parted ways and strove to go on with their lives. Two years later, Casey begins to reach out to Deio and tries to pick up from where they left. On that reunion night, they exorcise the demons bred by their two-year separation, and learn the valuable lessons of friendship, acceptance, forgiveness, and love.
I do not remember much about the story - except the images of the hunky Deio howling and jeering while a sexy female entertainer danced on top of their table, and of Casey who quietly honed his artistic gifts and occasionally thinks of his best friend Deio. Like what I've said, I was too ignorant to understand then. Nonetheless, I got this impression that something intimate happened between the two of them for Casey to scream at Deio and make him realize that doing it with another guy makes him no different from all gay guys. Their one-night intimacy had opened the possibilities for Deio to accept homosexual relationships.
I was stunned after reading the novel and how I wish I whisked it inside my bag instead of putting it back where it came from. Lucky for me, no one was around to witness my awakening. You see, back then, I never thought that one can be gay and still retain his masculinity. Only the effeminate stereotypes dominated my thoughts.
A few months after reading the comic book, I began taking bold steps that would lead to the adoption of my new sexual preference. There is the Borderline crossing, where I dared myself to acquire my first man to man VCD under the watchful eyes of the Carriedo LRT Station.
A year later, I had my first man to man kiss courtesy of a guy I met from the first "Bisexual" eyeball I attended in Pinoyexchange. It was also the first time I became heavily infatuated with a guy, that I had to break up with my girlfriend for us to see each other more often. It was also the first time I had SEB just to get back at a love that was unrequited,
Finally, it was also the first time I met Carlo Vergara in the flesh and told him how his brilliant work transformed me.
Looking back, I have lived in my own purgatory ever since childhood. I knew that the homosexual tendencies were there, but I suppressed it violently because no one, not even me could imagine turning into a parlorista just to fit into the homosexual mold. Who would have thought that its end would come the day I discovered Vergara's novel.
I guess not even hell or heaven could tell what my life could have been, had Purgatory not slipped from the books I was carrying that fateful afternoon.
---
Carlo Vergara's Blogspot
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