And we all agree to grant your wish and buy you the laptop of your dreams.
I am sure that when you receive the package, you will be the happiest man alive. You would show your new toy to your colleagues, brag it to your classmates, and make your housemate very jealous of your blessing. They would all ask you who bought the laptop. I imagine you say, "just a close friend" or something close to that. Your answer would make them speculate that it was your mystery Papa who bought it for you. Their suspicion would make you blush, but to save face, you would deny his existence. You would say you borrowed money from a close friend or a distant relative, and then you asked a friend to buy the laptop for you in Gilmore.
Good answer.
But before I turn it over to you, do you want to know how me and my associates came to a decision? Do you want to hear our sides, now that you have convinced me that there is no other way but to give in to your wishes? You have longed for this day as far as I can remember. You said you're tired of spending the entire night in an Internet Cafe, or in my room just to finish your report in school the following day.
Here are their answers.
Darkstar was against the idea. You're just my boyfriend for Christ's sake. I won't give up my money for my sister's needs - I'd let her work hard for it. But you, of all the people would be able to tap into my resources effortlessly. You've been tapping on mine ever since our relationship began right? Don't you ever wonder why we never go out anymore? It's the trade-off I had to do to support you and still don't feel bitter about what I did.
Pulsar agreed the moment the idea sprouted like a fungi inside my head. He said you deserve my support because you're doing a good job in school. You never showed me your class cards, but the sacrifice you are willing to give up - like doing your homework whenever you're in my home after coming from school, or cramming at the library or at work a few hours before your exams tell me that you're worth the investment. It doesn't come cheap you know, and my God, I'm going to make a lot of sacrifices until next year to pay up for your laptop. Pulsar doesn't expect you to remember this deed long after you have succeeded in your endeavor. But, it doesn't concern me anymore. After all, I can still claim that I'm growing despite having to give up so many things for you.
Dominus, of course supported the idea. He said that "everything that would make a person succeed in his lofty goals must be supported no matter what the cost." Like Pulsar, he also sees your determination to finish your studies. "Hard work like what he does should be rewarded," he explained. "As for your own sacrifice, it is already noted in the annals of karma."
I'd like to laugh sarcastically at his sugar coated explanations. But since he is always in my thoughts lately, who am I to question his biddings?
Of the four of them who took part in the decision making, it was Mugen who felt very sad before agreeing to the idea. I have to admit that the rift between us is growing bigger each day. I felt it the moment you have forgotten our fifth year last month. Besides, Mugen feels that what we have is not healthy for us anymore. We never open up to each other - except when you have problems at work, school, family or even your finances. There are times I would feel that our relationship revolves around money - and your aim to achieve your materialistic dreams. The love part only comes in hallowed words you say or in the mechanical intimacies we have when you're beside me. I hate to admit it, but sometimes, I'm not even interested to see you anymore. Do you know why? It's because I feel that every meeting we have; every act of intimacy we do has something to do with your personal goals. It's not us anymore.
It is you.
But a promise is a promise. I kept my word that I'd stick by your side so long as you're getting closer to that diploma you're aiming. Who would have thought that of all the people that became part of my life, you'd be a scholar in a university that I've never gotten into. It must be your calling and as your partner - your ever devoted boyfriend. I should be there to pull you up, even at my own expense. I think this is my own calling. It's my family's legacy to help others reach their goals of finishing their studies...
... even if we are the ones who'd always getting left behind.
You will get your laptop. I just hope that I'd find something that is within my intended budget. Don't worry, I wouldn't ask for a single centavo from you. In return, expect that I would not come to your aid anymore. We just figured out that the money I give up to support you is almost enough to pay the monthly bill for buying your laptop. You're on your own now, and I think this is the best for us. You will learn from standing on your own feet.
But since you don't have a need to see me anymore every week when you ask me to go to your office and deliver my assistance,
and since you don't need to stay home overnight to use my computer whenever you needed to do your projects.
I guess, this is as distant as we could get. I'd praise heavens when I suddenly find you at my doorstep telling me that you'd like to stay home just to lay beside me.
I'd surely praise heaven indeed if ever that moment happens.
Much as it pains me to embrace the thought that this is our relationship.
Your laptop will take me a notch closer towards my own emancipation.
It might be the key that would soon set me free.
---
Masakit,
Malungkot,
Ngunit hinding-hindi ko
ipaparamdam sayo ang lahat ng ito.
I am sure that when you receive the package, you will be the happiest man alive. You would show your new toy to your colleagues, brag it to your classmates, and make your housemate very jealous of your blessing. They would all ask you who bought the laptop. I imagine you say, "just a close friend" or something close to that. Your answer would make them speculate that it was your mystery Papa who bought it for you. Their suspicion would make you blush, but to save face, you would deny his existence. You would say you borrowed money from a close friend or a distant relative, and then you asked a friend to buy the laptop for you in Gilmore.
Good answer.
But before I turn it over to you, do you want to know how me and my associates came to a decision? Do you want to hear our sides, now that you have convinced me that there is no other way but to give in to your wishes? You have longed for this day as far as I can remember. You said you're tired of spending the entire night in an Internet Cafe, or in my room just to finish your report in school the following day.
Here are their answers.
Darkstar was against the idea. You're just my boyfriend for Christ's sake. I won't give up my money for my sister's needs - I'd let her work hard for it. But you, of all the people would be able to tap into my resources effortlessly. You've been tapping on mine ever since our relationship began right? Don't you ever wonder why we never go out anymore? It's the trade-off I had to do to support you and still don't feel bitter about what I did.
Pulsar agreed the moment the idea sprouted like a fungi inside my head. He said you deserve my support because you're doing a good job in school. You never showed me your class cards, but the sacrifice you are willing to give up - like doing your homework whenever you're in my home after coming from school, or cramming at the library or at work a few hours before your exams tell me that you're worth the investment. It doesn't come cheap you know, and my God, I'm going to make a lot of sacrifices until next year to pay up for your laptop. Pulsar doesn't expect you to remember this deed long after you have succeeded in your endeavor. But, it doesn't concern me anymore. After all, I can still claim that I'm growing despite having to give up so many things for you.
Dominus, of course supported the idea. He said that "everything that would make a person succeed in his lofty goals must be supported no matter what the cost." Like Pulsar, he also sees your determination to finish your studies. "Hard work like what he does should be rewarded," he explained. "As for your own sacrifice, it is already noted in the annals of karma."
I'd like to laugh sarcastically at his sugar coated explanations. But since he is always in my thoughts lately, who am I to question his biddings?
Of the four of them who took part in the decision making, it was Mugen who felt very sad before agreeing to the idea. I have to admit that the rift between us is growing bigger each day. I felt it the moment you have forgotten our fifth year last month. Besides, Mugen feels that what we have is not healthy for us anymore. We never open up to each other - except when you have problems at work, school, family or even your finances. There are times I would feel that our relationship revolves around money - and your aim to achieve your materialistic dreams. The love part only comes in hallowed words you say or in the mechanical intimacies we have when you're beside me. I hate to admit it, but sometimes, I'm not even interested to see you anymore. Do you know why? It's because I feel that every meeting we have; every act of intimacy we do has something to do with your personal goals. It's not us anymore.
It is you.
But a promise is a promise. I kept my word that I'd stick by your side so long as you're getting closer to that diploma you're aiming. Who would have thought that of all the people that became part of my life, you'd be a scholar in a university that I've never gotten into. It must be your calling and as your partner - your ever devoted boyfriend. I should be there to pull you up, even at my own expense. I think this is my own calling. It's my family's legacy to help others reach their goals of finishing their studies...
... even if we are the ones who'd always getting left behind.
You will get your laptop. I just hope that I'd find something that is within my intended budget. Don't worry, I wouldn't ask for a single centavo from you. In return, expect that I would not come to your aid anymore. We just figured out that the money I give up to support you is almost enough to pay the monthly bill for buying your laptop. You're on your own now, and I think this is the best for us. You will learn from standing on your own feet.
But since you don't have a need to see me anymore every week when you ask me to go to your office and deliver my assistance,
and since you don't need to stay home overnight to use my computer whenever you needed to do your projects.
I guess, this is as distant as we could get. I'd praise heavens when I suddenly find you at my doorstep telling me that you'd like to stay home just to lay beside me.
I'd surely praise heaven indeed if ever that moment happens.
Much as it pains me to embrace the thought that this is our relationship.
Your laptop will take me a notch closer towards my own emancipation.
It might be the key that would soon set me free.
---
Masakit,
Malungkot,
Ngunit hinding-hindi ko
ipaparamdam sayo ang lahat ng ito.
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