Human

It was delivered to me like a newborn child.

Its carbon black surface was still warm from the box where it originally came from. When my fingers ran across its rubbery mouse pad, I immediately felt a connection between us. For a fleeting second, there was a bond that only a true parent could describe of. But ours was never sentient. What I had was a moment of pride that will only end in an unspeakable sorrow. When I held the machine for the first time, I do not want to let go. It was after all, a dream came true. Unfortunately, word of honor dictates that we should have a disconnection.

All my life, I longed to have a laptop. I could afford one anytime, but I've always known the price of having one. A few years back and I'd complain to one of my professors that I could not do what he instructed us to do. He wanted us to present our paper in the form of a PowerPoint presentation in front of the class. My classmate do not share my sentiments, after all, they have a laptop they could use. They say, they needed it at work so they have to own one.

But me?

I'm content with my old desktop computer. A machine that evolved after its components had been constantly disassembled, improved and reformatted just to be as workable as its descendants had come out of the assembly lines. I let my old computer adapt to new software until I found the courage to replaced it with a new unit last year.

And I'm still paying for it after it had been mine.

But the laptop is my baby. Never in my life had I thought I'd buy one. How tragic that when I could finally call one my own, it was meant to belong to someone else.

The turnover ceremony, which happened on a somber mood took place yesterday. I could not afford to take it home for the fear that my family would grow suspicious as to where my money goes. It was the sacrifice I had to make - nobody will ever know that the laptop was from me. I just hope that the receiver would treasure it like a real parent will do to his child.

If not for Davenport's presence during the turnover, I would find it very difficult to detach myself from something that came from my own blood. Blood money that is. It would take another year before I could finally emancipate myself from the responsibilities of paying for the laptop that I just bought. By then I am not sure about the fate of the machine. It would have been stolen, corrupted by a virus, or even used for other purposes aside from academics, that it's true owner never wished for it to be used.

As I reflect on the events that took place yesterday, I still find it hard to accept that I've given up something to someone who have grown too distant from my heart at the moment. I tried to seek solace from my patron in Katipunan, but her inspiration did not work while I was canvassing the laptop at Gilmore. I still felt bitter. The image of the compassionate Buddha, which suddenly appeared in the form of discovering the Universal Wisdom Center that I stumbled while looking for a cheap laptop, had given me peace.

Yet the heart stubbornly insists to express its human, self-serving feelings.

In the end, I resigned to keep my word and do what my mind intended to do from the start. I bought the laptop at a price far more expensive than my intended budget and delivered it to its new owner. I kept my peace by drinking with Deracinee, Dabo, Princess and my colleagues after the turnover was done. Time and again, I would remind myself that once you give something, never feel resentful about giving it.

So I did, what my conscience gently suggests.

Phanks and I will remain distant but nevertheless, at one.

But from now on, the only love I will ever consider is the love of a mother to her child.

The rest will just be mere infatuation, attachment or companionship.

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EasyNote F0336-V-095

• Free DOS
• Intel® Celeron® M520 @ 1.60Ghz
• 533 Mhz
• 512 MB RAM
• 80 GB
• TFT with DiamondView

Pricetag: Confidential