Torn (Secret Entry)
Originally posted: July 21, 2008
--
Tanghali
"Uy, bakit ka nagmiss-call?"
"Asan ka po?"
"Heto papasok napo sa trabaho. Bakit mo tinatanong?"
"Wala lang... Happy Monthsary po. I miss you so much."
"Miss. na.. rin.. kita..."
"Kinalimutan mo na ang monthsary natin."
"Iniintay lang kitang unang bumati. Alam kong monthsary natin ngayon."
"Tulog po ako sa inyo mamaya. Ok lang po ba?"
"Ah eh, gagabihin po ako sa work mamaya eh. Pasensya na."
"Miss na po kita makayakap eh. Ayaw mo na ako patuluyin sa inyo."
"Hindi naman... kakastay mo lang sa amin nung minsan ah."
"Tampo na ako sa iyo. Ayaw mo na ako papuntahin sa inyo."
"Ang kulit mo naman, sabi sayo gagabihin ako eh."
"O sige na nga. Kahit nagtatampo ako. Ingat po ikaw."
"Babay, I love you."
"I... love.. you. po."
--
Text message: Pasensya na, magkaaway kami ng kapatid ko ngayon eh. Ayaw kong may sabihin siya pag tumuloy ka sa amin.
--
Hapon
"Bakit ka po ulit nag-miss call?"
"Wala lang, nalulungkot lang ako. Miss na po kita makayakap eh."
"Ok lang yun. Nagkikita naman tayo diba?"
"Iba pa rin yung yakap eh. Alam na po ba ni [insert name of my sibling] ang tungkol sa atin?"
"Hindi ko alam. Wala rin akong pakielam. Ayaw ko lang may sabihin siya tungkol sa iyo."
"Ayaw na po ba nila ako pumunta sa iyo."
"Hindi naman. Wala naman sila sinasabi sa pagpunta mo dun eh."
"Sobrang miss na po kita. Antagal na kita hindi nakakatabi sa pagtulog."
"Ako rin..."
"Hayaan mo next time na lang. Wrong timing ka naman eh."
"Ganyan na po ba ngayon? Parang gusto ko maiyak, hindi na kita nakikita eh. Parang may nag-iba na sa atin."
"Wala naman ah. Saka wag mo masyado isipin yun. Ang mahalaga, magfocus ka sa pagtapos mo sa school."
"Sigurado ka ha. Wala."
"Wala... Balik na po ako sa work. May pasok ka mamaya diba?"
"Meron po."
"Galingan mo sa school. Ingat ka sa pag-uwi."
"Happy Monthsary po."
"Happy Monthsary rin."
"I love you."
"I love you."
"Mwah."
--
Behind the facade is a heart
torn between an icy truth and
a sunshiny dream.
The last time we slept together,
I was rudely awakened by the reality
that what only connects us is a crumpled
two hundred peso bill I took from my wallet.
And from there disillusionment set in.
When I reemerge from
this rot we call relationship,
All that would be left
is the pain of your memory.
---
A friend once shared a story of another friend who broke up with an ex-boyfriend of many years and still cannot move on after almost a year of separation.
Admirers make their presence felt and their full attention thrills my friend's friend. However, when the fanfare is over and reality creeps back, the past leaves him scampering towards the cold shell which serves as a monument dedicated to his broken love story. His past haunts him and as long as it lingers, anyone who wishes to win his heart would only be driven away.
Today marks our fifth year and sixth month had the relationship endured. It is most unfortunate that it had to end knowing that it had become more of a nightmare rather than a sweet reality.
Time heals old wounds as the cliche goes and on my third week of freedom, the past still haunts me like it never left at all. Tannis is a promising prospect. He is as serious as he was when we first met last Saturday.
For some reasons, the more he opens himself, the more I was reminded of my ex's memory. This memory which I am trying to forget corrupts like a vile disease that threatens to break whatever prospects I have with my recent interest.
Today I realized that it is unfair to pursue something when the heart is not ready.
Nevertheless, I will linger until he wants me to fade away.
I pray tell that Tannis would learn that what I can offer is just plain friendship.
Because as long as the nightmare stirs me up from sleep, the prospects of a happy ending will remain and lay hidden in the fairy tale of my dreams.
Originally posted: July 21, 2008
--
Tanghali
"Uy, bakit ka nagmiss-call?"
"Asan ka po?"
"Heto papasok napo sa trabaho. Bakit mo tinatanong?"
"Wala lang... Happy Monthsary po. I miss you so much."
"Miss. na.. rin.. kita..."
"Kinalimutan mo na ang monthsary natin."
"Iniintay lang kitang unang bumati. Alam kong monthsary natin ngayon."
"Tulog po ako sa inyo mamaya. Ok lang po ba?"
"Ah eh, gagabihin po ako sa work mamaya eh. Pasensya na."
"Miss na po kita makayakap eh. Ayaw mo na ako patuluyin sa inyo."
"Hindi naman... kakastay mo lang sa amin nung minsan ah."
"Tampo na ako sa iyo. Ayaw mo na ako papuntahin sa inyo."
"Ang kulit mo naman, sabi sayo gagabihin ako eh."
"O sige na nga. Kahit nagtatampo ako. Ingat po ikaw."
"Babay, I love you."
"I... love.. you. po."
--
Text message: Pasensya na, magkaaway kami ng kapatid ko ngayon eh. Ayaw kong may sabihin siya pag tumuloy ka sa amin.
--
Hapon
"Bakit ka po ulit nag-miss call?"
"Wala lang, nalulungkot lang ako. Miss na po kita makayakap eh."
"Ok lang yun. Nagkikita naman tayo diba?"
"Iba pa rin yung yakap eh. Alam na po ba ni [insert name of my sibling] ang tungkol sa atin?"
"Hindi ko alam. Wala rin akong pakielam. Ayaw ko lang may sabihin siya tungkol sa iyo."
"Ayaw na po ba nila ako pumunta sa iyo."
"Hindi naman. Wala naman sila sinasabi sa pagpunta mo dun eh."
"Sobrang miss na po kita. Antagal na kita hindi nakakatabi sa pagtulog."
"Ako rin..."
"Hayaan mo next time na lang. Wrong timing ka naman eh."
"Ganyan na po ba ngayon? Parang gusto ko maiyak, hindi na kita nakikita eh. Parang may nag-iba na sa atin."
"Wala naman ah. Saka wag mo masyado isipin yun. Ang mahalaga, magfocus ka sa pagtapos mo sa school."
"Sigurado ka ha. Wala."
"Wala... Balik na po ako sa work. May pasok ka mamaya diba?"
"Meron po."
"Galingan mo sa school. Ingat ka sa pag-uwi."
"Happy Monthsary po."
"Happy Monthsary rin."
"I love you."
"I love you."
"Mwah."
--
Behind the facade is a heart
torn between an icy truth and
a sunshiny dream.
The last time we slept together,
I was rudely awakened by the reality
that what only connects us is a crumpled
two hundred peso bill I took from my wallet.
And from there disillusionment set in.
When I reemerge from
this rot we call relationship,
All that would be left
is the pain of your memory.
---
A friend once shared a story of another friend who broke up with an ex-boyfriend of many years and still cannot move on after almost a year of separation.
Admirers make their presence felt and their full attention thrills my friend's friend. However, when the fanfare is over and reality creeps back, the past leaves him scampering towards the cold shell which serves as a monument dedicated to his broken love story. His past haunts him and as long as it lingers, anyone who wishes to win his heart would only be driven away.
Today marks our fifth year and sixth month had the relationship endured. It is most unfortunate that it had to end knowing that it had become more of a nightmare rather than a sweet reality.
Time heals old wounds as the cliche goes and on my third week of freedom, the past still haunts me like it never left at all. Tannis is a promising prospect. He is as serious as he was when we first met last Saturday.
For some reasons, the more he opens himself, the more I was reminded of my ex's memory. This memory which I am trying to forget corrupts like a vile disease that threatens to break whatever prospects I have with my recent interest.
Today I realized that it is unfair to pursue something when the heart is not ready.
Nevertheless, I will linger until he wants me to fade away.
I pray tell that Tannis would learn that what I can offer is just plain friendship.
Because as long as the nightmare stirs me up from sleep, the prospects of a happy ending will remain and lay hidden in the fairy tale of my dreams.
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