Saturday, June 6, 2009

And His Name Was Euphoria

Original Date Published: May 7, 2006

Because his, was such an extraordinary moment,

I have to write in order to free myself from the attachment.


If there was nothing that I could say
Turned your back and you just walked away
Leaves me numb inside I think of you
Together is all I knew

- Chicane, No Ordinary Morning


It was already dawn. The sun was beginning to rise in the east turning the black sky into indigo blue. The air was relatively humid despite the fact that I'm lying on a big bed, in a suite somewhere inside Shangri-la Edsa Plaza Hotel. It was a sight to behold, the wooden, ornate fixtures were stuffs I could only see when I'm daydreaming. I could just close my eyes and play Chicane's "No Ordinary Morning" again and again inside my head.

Beside me was him, the guy I danced with at Government the night before. We were both half-naked. Nothing happened so far since he was terribly tired and drunk after dancing for hours and hours at the bar, while I was just waiting for things to happen. I told myself never to be aggressive this time - since this act is something way beyond my moral values.

It was like I am in a dream. I am neither the starlight nor the shadow I claim to be. I am beyond those personas I have created for myself. In fact, I think I was someone different, someone I wished to be. Someone I would like to be in the future. All night, he snored so loud that I wasn't able to sleep. Instead, I just contented myself hugging him and stroking his forehead and chest. After all, I think the reason he invited me in the first place is to have a companion, someone who would make him feel better. Sex, is just an extra perk.

Besides, after spending all these years being a follower to... I think I deserve to express this side of mine. It never happened before. Nobody has ever taken me to a plush suite in my entire life - except when my mother's sister would invite me to spend a vacation with her while she attends a conference in some faraway place away from home.

I guess this moment is something I would never have a chance to experience again.

When he woke up several hours later, he was in a rush. He said his colleagues would check him out anytime. So I asked him if I have to dress up already. He never said a word. Instead, I returned back to hugging him like someone unfamiliar yet so close to me. Soon, he put his arms around my head and started guiding me down...

...down to where the deed would surely have to happen.


The deed was done, and like the entire experience, it was something out of the ordinary. As it turns out, he was far more aggressive and dominant than what I have initially assumed. At first he thought that I am a top myself. But when I told him that I am not. It lead to something I rarely do nowadays. All that mattered to me was the experience - the moment. If the shadow was driven by hate and pain and the starlight was held by guilt and righteousness, this daydream persona never felt anything - only the lucidness of being somewhere between dreams and reality.

Before I left, we had a small talk. It happened because I showed him the entire contents of my pocket. He asked me why. I told him that since I am just a guest who slept over, might as well show him that I never took anything out, in case he might wonder. That small act of honesty which he appreciated lead to deeper conversations. Soon I was telling him about my life, my past and he told me a little about himself. He told me that he has a girlfriend; That I have confirmed he is a physician and that he is far older than what I have expected.

But his face and figure doesn't look like one.

He asked me what are my plans for the future. I told him that I am still in the process of figuring it out. Then he asked me if I am happy with my life. in which I said I am. Yet he replied that it appears that I am not. That his impression about me tells him that I am someone who likes to dwell in sadness, loves drama, and avoids the limelight. He told me that I am not happy and it shows, no matter how I try to hide it.

I kept smiling but the silence consumes me.

Because part of what he said was true.

He told me that the reason why he looks so young for his age is the fact that he thinks like a 13 year old; That he thinks of himself as handsome and appealing - which is true in many ways. He said that his secret in life is to be happy, whatever comes in his way. After all, happiness is what makes a person shine. Light mood makes a person content about himself.

We talked about a lot of things aside from that. I was even beginning to think that I was having a convesation with a philosopher who, after shagging me, freely gives his wisdom in return. He took my hands and brought me to the window. He showed me some bunch of trees at the back of the hotel and pointed at the lone Fire Tree that stands at the end of the pool. He said that the reason why the Fire Tree stands out among the rest is because it blooms with life. He then connected happiness with blooming and with life, which when I'm thinking right now, seems to have no connection at all. But whatever.

His last words were, " a happy person can appreciate such little difference like the beautiful fire tree and the rest of the non-blooming trees together with it, but only an extraordinary euphoric person could appreciate those non-blooming trees, more than the beautiful fire tree itself. So be happy always, don't clout your mind with negative thoughts."

And I remembered them word for word. No wonder he still fills my mind days after we met.

While we were talking, he gave me his number. I kept it, and he asked me to miss call him. But I told him that I am already low on battery and that I would just have to text him when I get home, which I did not do.

Tomorrow, he will about to leave for the south since he lives there all his life and whenever his thoughts surges in my mind, I am in constant turmoil whether to text him or not - just to say goodbye.

But our lives are meant to end this way, I know that. It was a daydream moment, and I want it to end that way, no matter how I wanted to hear from him again before he leaves. I just have to be happy that such moment with him ever happened...

So I hugged him tight for the very last time and told him how much I appreciate his company. This time, his aloofness was replaced by compassion. We never kissed, yet at that moment, I felt his soul closest to me.

I just hope that while in his slumber he felt mine closest to him while the song No Ordinary Morning plays on and on in my thoughts.


"We have met before..." His back was against the couch, his legs spread and his glass of beer on the table. We were at the second floor of the club, and he, unmindful of the revelers dancing to the beat of Pussycat Dolls down below.

"Where?" I asked, puzzled.

"At Government. Around three years ago."

"I can't remember meeting anyone who is a writer there?"

"Really?" His chinky eyes showed hints of disappointment.

"Maybe its because the higher the number, the lesser you remember." His cryptic remark was grudgingly recieved , but neither was he expecting I keep a special memory within.

"The only person I remember meeting at Club Goverment was a doctor."

"And what happened between you and the doctor." He asked, wittingly.

"Ummmm... Its a secret" I could not tell my new acquaintance that I spent the entire morning at his suite.

"Did he bring you somewhere in Edsa, In Shang-ri La perhaps?"

Despite showing signs of exhaustion from work and from barhopping that night, his mere mention of the hotel near Crossing left me frozen in my seat. With eyes gleaming, I realized that immortality beckons

And he was seating, with his arms on my shoulders, next to me.


Rain Darwin said...

wow ! so sweet !

i like this entry. of of my faves.

sana may part 2 and so on.....

Jeff said...

good writing bro. i been following your posts. keep it up. cheers..

wanderingcommuter said...

have you ever wondered nasan na sila ngayon?

Yj said...

ang tagal ko inisip kung saan ko nabasa itoh hahahahahaha.....


bampiraako said...



wow. That was a moment of bliss... :)

I remember someone told me that you have already met the one, whe he watched you sleeping. :)

Knox Galen said...

Rain: Bittersweet dude. It is in its fleetingness that make the entry timeless.

Jeff: Maraming salamat dude.

Wandering Commuter: Remind me at the end of the month to close this entry of mine.

Knox Galen said...

YJ: Sa panaginip ba? Hehehehe.

BampiraAko: Bittersweet dude. That is the right term.

Acrylic: Abangan mo na lang sa katapusan ng buwan how the story end. Hehehe. Not everyone you look after when they're sleeping ends up being your partner.

Yj said...

im afraid the pleasure's all mine papa soulja... hihihi para akong si Herbs, nakiki-papa....

umalis ka kasi agad. buti pa si Ewik nakakuwentuhan ko ng bonggang bongga... hehehehe till next time... ingat lagi

Niel Camhalla said...

I like that this story was intentionally ended with a happy note. I'm just not sure if there's same intention in real life.

"I am someone who likes to dwell in sadness, loves drama..."

Knox Galen said...

Neil: The real ending, will become one of the last entries for June. Bittersweet dude. I was racing against time when we were together.

YJ: Pasensya na, may bienvenidos ako na kailangan atenan noong gabing yun eh. Hanggang sa muli.