Friday, June 19, 2009

The Market Crash Of June '07

"Tol nasaan ka na?" My phone was vibrating and this was the message sent to me by my contact.

"Nasa jeep na bro. Malapit na ako sa inyo." I sent back, in defiance of potential snatchers who might be in the jeep I was riding.

The clouds heaved with raindrops when I arrived at his place a few minutes later. It was past four o'clock in the afternoon and was weary from having to spend the previous hour searching for hook-ups in the chat room. Before me and my contact sealed our engagement, I was suppose to have an eyeball with someone, who for some reasons canceled our meeting at the last minute. Because of his sudden absence, I was left looking for ways to spend the time I set aside for our meeting.

My contact showed up at our agreed location after waiting for several minutes. He was sporting a red cap that made him look hotter than the headless body he revealed in cam earlier. He told me to follow him to his place a few apartments from where the jeep dropped me. When I arrived, our third wheel was already waiting.

We agreed during the chat conversation that it will be a free-for-all sex. It means anything could happen. Bearing the gains from my first Bath house experience, I was confident that I will not be rejected by my host. In fact, I even looked down on our third wheel for being too feminine. I saw him chatting on the computer to look for another guy to join our trip.

I dropped my bag under the dining table while my host returned to the smaller room to continue watching the Buzz. Meanwhile, I tried to reach out to our lanky third wheel but he seemed too preoccupied with his meat-hunting to even acknowledge my presence. As for me, it doesn't matter if the kid wasn't interested, the feeling was mutual and what I aimed for was to get the attention of our host.

As a token accommodation, I lighted a stick of Marlboro Lights offered to me by our third wheel. In between breaks from his chatting, he had hushed conversations with our host who was inside his ajared room. It appeared to me that they were already acquaintance before I came to the scene. I really wanted to mingle with them but since I came there for a hook-up, I decided to amuse myself by guessing what their next move would be.

They continued talking. The more the sound of their voices become softer, the more I felt the bond forming between them. I tried to take a peek at what they were doing, but their entwined bodies blocked my view. Their awkward head position made me more curious. Were they're starting the trip without me? I don't know. To satisfy my curiosity, I stood up from my chair and entered our host's room.

They were just talking.

"Ok ka lang diyan ha?" The host asked.

"Yup, ok lang ako..." Even if beads of sweat rolled over my face.

"Padating na yung isa pa nating kasama. Naliligo lang." He assured me, coldly.

I tried to keep my cool despite the overwhelming boredom. I could have told them that I'm backing out but the thrill of having multiple sex partners was too hard to resist. Those were my wild days and with my all-powering lust distracting me to think clearly, I was bent on finding a satisfying end to my business. However, the longer I waited for the action to begin, the more anxiety sets in. As for the host and the third wheel, they took advantage of the lull to get comfortable with one another.

How unfortunate that while I was waiting for them to get going, they were actually plotting my downfall.

After two hours of staring into nothingness, the fourth wheel arrived. In fairness, a toned, dark-skinned masculine kid was worth the wait. We were introduced, but I felt he wasn't interested. Meanwhile, the host asked us what do next. It was followed by the customary silence that often happens when three or more people engage in a sexual activity.

To those who are unfamiliar with threesomes and orgies, this is what you call the "testing the waters" phase. Everyone braces for the first person who will call the shots. In our case, the three of them seemed to get along well, while I, who waited hours was slowly being left out of the trio.

The lights were turned off and the dark-skinned guy began fondling the lanky kid. I set my attention to the host, who was a year older than me. He took off his shirt and I began playing with his nipples. He wasn't responding favorably to my advances, but instead was enviously looking at the two kids who made out like rabbits across the room.

When I was about to touch his cock he sighed and pushed me away. He then walked out from the scene. The two others ceased what they're doing and lights were turned on.

"Is there a problem?" I asked the host.

"Wait lang dude ha, kausapin ko lang yung isang friend ko." He answered without looking into my eyes.

There were soft murmurs after our brief pause, then after getting the opinion of the host, the lanky guy showed a text message to the the dark-skinned kid who was at that moment putting back his underwear.

Then there was silence...

...which served as the queue to execute a decision they already made when the host and the lanky kid were talking inside the other room earlier.

"Nood na lang ako sa inyong tatlo." The host announced.

"Ganun, bakit naman?" The moreno kid complained.

And then there was a long pause among the three of them. The host then looked at our third wheel's eyes, who at that time nodded to express his approval on what the host was about to say.

"Hindi ka namin bet tatlo." He told me straight.

"Sorry ha."

In one gulp, I swallowed everything that he said. I saw it coming with the way they were trying to alienate me while waiting for the moreno guy to arrive. Stubborn as it may seem, I insisted on getting a share of the fun. So I waited. In the end, I got nothing. Their decision was extremely harsh, but had I been in their shoes, I would have showed my hesitation towards a partner I don't trip. My only complain was they should at least have the balls to tell me their reservations before the grueling wait.

Defeated, I put on my undies, shorts and shirt without looking at the host and then quietly left his place bringing with me what remained of my pride. After he closed the door, I heard the two kids behind him giggling as the light in their room was switched off again.

It wasn't the end of my misery that day. For in my pathetic attempt to reclaim my confidence, I was also one way-ed by my next contact I met in the same chat room.


"Move on ka na..." bulong ko sa sarili habang pinag-iisipan kung ipopost ang entry na ito o hahayaang mabulok sa aking isipan. Dalawang taon na rin ang nakakaraan subalit tandang tanda ko pa ang mga pangyayari. Mapait, mapagpalaya, at higit sa lahat, naging susi ang encounter na ito upang baguhin ang pagtingin sa sarili. Natanggap ko ang aking mga limitasyon at natagpuan ang aking mga kahinaan. Kung may dahilan man kung bakit wala pa rin akong kumpyansa sa sarili sa kabila ng mga rejection na ginagawa ko sa iba, ito ang isa sa mga ugat noon.

Marami na rin ang mga nagbago matapos ang Market Crash. Higit na bumaba ang tingin ko sa mga chatroom habang tumaas ang kumpyansa na nakukuha ko sa pagbisi-bisita sa mga bathouse. Nabawasan man ang dalawang gawaing ito, subalit dala ko pa rin ang pangamba na maaring maulit muli ang nakaraan.

Kung noong isang taon ay tinatanong ko pa ang dahilan kung bakit ako nalaglag, ngayon ay malinaw na sa akin ang lahat. Plain and simple, hindi nila ako trip. Kung ako man, nawalan rin siguro ako ng gana kung makatapat ko ang taong hindi ko trip ikama.

Dalawang taon na ang nakalipas. Sa tagal ng panahong nagdaan ay hindi ko na rin matandaan ang mukha ng mga kasama ko. Maaring sila ay nakatambay sa chatroom sa mga oras na ito, o kaya naman ay nasa galaan at naghahanap ng booking. Hindi ko rin alam. Tiyak na hindi rin namin makikilala ang isa't isa, at kung sakaling matatandaan man nila ako, ako yung dugyutin na obese guy na inevict ni kuya sa isang threesome.

Siguro ay ito na ang huling beses na magbabanggit ako tungkol sa pangyayaring ito. Subalit, dumating man ang panahon na ako naman ang madulas at diretsahang magsabing "hindi kita trip" at maikuwento ko sa blog,

Alam niyo na dumaan rin ako sa ganitong humiliation at higit akong tumibay dahil dito.

Indeed, what goes around, will eventually, come around.

in the future, after it all happened.


Herbs D. said...

oh my. so people really are THAT

i'm just really speechless. *hugs*
you're just too sexy for them, we all know that :)

Jinjiruks said...

sakit kaya nun. parang naapakan ang ego.

blagadag said...

ngayon pa lang, tanggap ko nang ma reject ninoman. kahit ang blogger na to magsabi sa akin na di nya ako bet, kaya ko na. masakit kung sa masakit pero naghihilom din naman. gaya ngayon, palagay ko maghihilom na ang sugat nya kasi nakaya nya nangg tanggapin at iopen sa iba.

may formula na rin ako sa mga ganitong adventures, i focus on the not so attractive guys para mas lesser ang probabilities na ma reject. cheers!

Yj said...

now there's a good take on rejection..... ")

Allan said...

ika nga, what doesn't kill you, injures you... (joke un ah. ehehe)

though i hope na you're not taking it out on others, unconsciously or otherwise. :)

ika said...

at least I'm hearing the mature Joms here. notwithstanding the humiliamation, I'm happy that you can take it lightly as this.

Anonymous said...

nagkataon lang kapatid na di ka nila trip... may kanya kayang taste naman talaga tayo pagdating sa preference. kay papa piolo nga nde ako libugan eh... si sam concepcion pa rin ang bet ko hahahaha.

tsaka gwapo ka kaya. di ba baby herbs? . tuloy mo pag gym mo, makalaglag panty ang ang pic mo sa twitter hehehe... sobrang hot.

-rain darwin

bampiraako said...

ok lang yun. To hell with them! haha. sana magkita uli kayo tapos bitinin mo silang lahat!

MkSurf8 said...

2 points as my 2 cents

1. alam mo ba lahat ng major gains sa market nangyayari after a major crash? at maraming umuusbong na negosyo while market goes into doldrums?

2. libog lang yun . di nila alam buong pagkatao mo so wag mo dibdibin. chura nila!

isipin mo na lang ako araw araw na re-reject! ;-)

Knox Galen said...

MkSurf: Agree ako diyan. Hehe. Pingpong lang naman ang larong hook-up eh. Minsan ikaw ang nasa taas, minsan ikaw ang nasa ibaba. It was the first and last, after that, hindi na ako naka-experience ng ganun katinding humiliation sa iba.

BampiraAko: Last year, ganyan ang pinaplano ko. Pero hinayaan ko na lang. Magtagpo man kami, most likely, yung moreno na lang ang matri-tripan ko.

RainDarwin: Kapatid. Ang Joms noon ay hindi na ang Joms ngayon. Reminder lang ito para may maghohold-back sa akin, anumang tripping ang gawin ko sa hinaharap.

Knox Galen said...

Ika: Gave me the final push to take fitness into a higher level of seriousness. Sometimes, we have to be scarred in order to learn some difficult realities.

Allan: Don't worry, I haven't done it yet to others. :)

YJ: The more you become bitter and negative about it, the more you look like a looser. Ganun lang yun.

Knox Galen said...

Herbs: That's a reality in this kind of life, sooner or later, you might, encounter such moments too.

Jinjiruks: Apakan naman ng ego sa ganitong mundo eh. :)

Blagadag: Actually pareho tayo. Ilag ako sa mga taong higit na may dating sa akin.

LJ said...

So far, this post struck me much. Maybe because I've been through the same place.

Rejection can really get so bad. But I always believe that everything is a matter of perspective. We learn with things that we encounter everyday