Games Some Men Play: Carrot and Stick

Single siya now. Last gf niya last july pa daw. He has a son pero wiz nga kasama. I dont know kasi kung what's on his mind. He texts everyday asking me kung okay ako, ganun.

We eat out after work out. Yesterday he gave me na his house number (I didn't ask), this saturday, samahan ko daw fencing class niya.

Ewan ko ba, I did that. I don't text him, he text me. Pag sinasabi ko feelings ko, all I get is "sus" or "umaarte na naman ako." Why can't he just say "no pare, di ako bading" divah?

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A friend once said that "Men want it cold when it's hot, and hot when it's cold." The aphorism surfaced back in college at the height of my chick-hunting days. I cannot recall the reason for him to say those lines, but such fine words had a deep impact on me. It stuck, like a gum to a hair and every waking moment I gamble with my heart to win someone nowadays, the same words echo in my ear instinctively telling me how some men play their game.

One classic example was this guy I fell infatuated with many years back. He caught my attention after a fateful flirt conversation over Yahoo before I went to a birthday party. The next thing I knew, we were talking for hours over the phone. I even made several blog entries referred to him. We were on the verge of falling romantically with each other until he found my old photo on some gay social networking site. This discovery lead to a sudden fall out. The sweet conversations completely ceased and in its place were the sleazy text exchanges which lead to frequent verbal trippings on the phone.

I told a friend about my situation. I asked him why the crush kept me as a boytoy when he could have abandoned me at the time of our fall out. My friend explained that the crush is aware of my infatuation. I fed his ego by being his "yes man" without expecting anything in return. He added that as a consolation, he allowed me to become his lust reliever - someone he could fool around with without being emotionally attached to me. My friend's suggestion made me realize one aspect of manhood which I have nearly forgotten had it not for a crush applying the full force of its essence on me.

So Caladryl lang pala niya ako.

Learning was easy and in no time, I was already riding his trip. I responded as eagerly as I could whenever he tapped me for his needs. I was his kept man, and if not for the lack of place where we could do the deed, he could have filled my calls of the flesh as well. He could have been a fuck buddy and when our goal was finally sealed (we did it in a very public place) a sense of disengagement was at hand. He ceased his methods of harassment and as a response, I didn't include his number when I decided to switch sim cards.

The last time we saw each other, our eyes spoke of nothing about our past.

I suspect that my friend's dilemma (which he explained in detail this morning) stems from a fact that the apparent straight guy enjoys his presence. He cannot let go of my friend knowing that no one would rub his ego the way he does. I don't know if such friendly engagement (with overtly romantic tone) would lead to a score but if it does, separation and distance would be their sad conclusion.

In the game of International Politics, the carrot and stick technique is applied to get one thing from a nation in exchange for a little trade-off. In man to man affairs, carrot and stick governs the dominant from the submissive. When the submissive starts resisting the dominant, the dominant reacts by giving freebies to satisfy the usurper and put him back in place.

The cycle only ends when the submissive breaks off from the domination.

Knowing well the very power wielded by the stick, I ignore one's carrot when the cycle begins to overwhelm me.

Or when somebody else freely shows off his appetizing parsnip.