It seems like my trouble with Phanks has gotten out of hand - I don't know, it must be my self-created delusions that drives me to insanity. Like what I've said about last Sunday, ever since it happened I've been more possessive and wary partner towards him. I always assumed that he might be hiding something from me.
And whenever I get to be reminded of the Cold Water incident last month. It felt that if he could do that before, he could always do that to me anytime.
I just couldn't trust him enough even though he assures me all the time.
And this past few days has been very emotionally troublesome for me.
---
Anyway, I was planning to meet up with Nate last night.
However, since I couldn't make up my mind whether to join them at Kupkop's place and expose my troubled state, I just decided to pay BED a visit.
After all, it was almost midnight.
Before I left Megamall, I sent Phanks my final goodnight message for the night. It took some time before he texted back, but for me it's like forever. Every negative thought I could think of simply plays on my mind as minutes passed by.
But I waited patiently...
Kaya nga emotionally troublesome for me kasi I can't even demand him to address my fears and insecurities towards him.
On the bus, I still waited for his text to arrive. All in all, it took him almost an hour to respond - which is quite ordinary, if I based it on our long term context. But since I was in a state of panic, I was already drafting some immediate response in order for me not to get hurt by my own thoughts.
I was really poised to protect my emotions at whatever cost if needed last night...
Good thing, he responded before I arrived at Malate. His response was a great relief, even though it was short and somehow routinary.
But it really did made my night. Because of that short text alone, I promised myself to engage in clean fun, whatever fun I would find that night...
Alone.
---
BED becons in front of me.
It was way bigger and more impressive outside, but what I'm really looking forward to is to see what's on the inside.
Arrjae gave me an idea before about BED's expansion blueprints, and what I saw was almost the same as to what's on my mind.
There was this big dancefloor on the right when youre coming from the door, a VIP corner on the second floor for private parties, a hanging bridge where you could see the entire dancefloor, and lots of "dark corners" where you can chill out and make-out with someone you met.
It was a pretty awesome sight... but I missed the old cramped one.
When I went there last night, it seems like they have just lost their flavour...
Last night, I had a hard time warming myself up because everyone seems to know each other. Besides, there's no elevated platform anymore where those hard-core dancers like me can simply go up and dance there till kingdom come - never minding the business of everyone around them.
The new BED allowed friends and barkadas to socialize even more - much like what Government is offering based from a "trusted source". But now, the spacious place tends to alienate more those who went there alone -
Those who don't have a regular BED buddies you could hang-out with and socialize in between dance-breaks.
Good thing, I spotted McVie, later that night. At least, I knew someone among the crowd, and it was really cool to meet him again.
We chatted a little, talked about other bloggers we know and commented about how big the renovated BED is.
But I didn't stay much longer for it was already 4 am. Besides, he had some company too.
After a while, I went back to the dance floor, cruised a little for some whammies before returning back to McVie to say my good byes.
---
Last night, I broke my record and went back to Malate.
For I thought that the reason for all those panic strikes and sudden speculations about Phank's activities is due to the fact that I have no social life lately.
That maybe, attaching too much to Phanks and turning my back at my own life made me more selfish and insecure about myself.
And you know what, I somehow felt better when I got home.
Even though I was alone and lonely most of the time last night,
The sheer thrill of being free for a night made everything,
All worth it.
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