Should I feel joyful, ecstatic, concerned, dreadful, apathetic or defensive?
Exactly one month after I first admitted my attachment to P-Man in my blog, he woke me up with a text message this morning - telling me the reasons why he can't go "on duty" and asking me when we will go out. (since our plan didn't push through two days ago) The text exchanges lead to deeper conversations giving me the opportunity to tell him all the things that I left unsaid. He also revealed some things about him and us, that he would never talk about when we go home together after his "duty."
To put it straight, there will be a next time.
And even if the gravity of attraction isn't as strong as it used to be before, I will still hold on to the words I left during our most intimate moment that fateful night.
I suppose he knows where he stands. We both know that we're independent from each other. He will live his "other" life a secret since it would be more convenient for him that way. Despite the complications, I'd never leave, unless he wants me to. And he will never suffer the same fate of those who came before him. Our friendship, despite its ambiguity, will remain.
P-Man was the first to break my long and sacred tradition of separating sex from friendship. That distinction alone, gives him a special place in my heart, that nobody else can ever take.
Exactly one month after I first admitted my attachment to P-Man in my blog, he woke me up with a text message this morning - telling me the reasons why he can't go "on duty" and asking me when we will go out. (since our plan didn't push through two days ago) The text exchanges lead to deeper conversations giving me the opportunity to tell him all the things that I left unsaid. He also revealed some things about him and us, that he would never talk about when we go home together after his "duty."
To put it straight, there will be a next time.
And even if the gravity of attraction isn't as strong as it used to be before, I will still hold on to the words I left during our most intimate moment that fateful night.
I suppose he knows where he stands. We both know that we're independent from each other. He will live his "other" life a secret since it would be more convenient for him that way. Despite the complications, I'd never leave, unless he wants me to. And he will never suffer the same fate of those who came before him. Our friendship, despite its ambiguity, will remain.
P-Man was the first to break my long and sacred tradition of separating sex from friendship. That distinction alone, gives him a special place in my heart, that nobody else can ever take.
---
it's not hard to fall
and i don't wanna lose
it's not hard to grow
when you know that you just don't know
- Damien Rice, Cannonball
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