5:00 am, Dapitan corner Vicente Cruz in Sampaloc.
I was standing beside a bakery waiting for a jeep that will take me home. I came from an SEB with three guys the previous night. One was my contact. He was just a kid like me. The second one seems to be the owner of the place. I rejected his advances because he was so obese, he looked like Soxy Topacio. The third one was a tall, moreno guy. I thought he was a straight guy who apparently went down to check the commotion in the sala. He found me lying naked on the floor, waiting for the third guy to arrive. He was the third one I've been waiting.
Among the three, the third guy was the only one who made me feel human. He hugged me and kissed me and talked to me after sex. As he walked me towards the jeepney stop, he revealed to me that he was a barangay councilor of the place. From that point onwards, my views about PLUs had greatly expanded.
As I waited for the jeep to arrive, the guilt feeling of having to spend another slutty night began to sink in. Only the aroma of freshly baked bread from the bakery became my comfort. With no hope of vindication in sight, I texted an acquaintance, believing he would relate to my situation. He was my last hope I had in mind that morning.
Me: Goodmorning Kuya Z, gising ka na ba?
No response.
Me: Sakaling mabasa mo ito, I really need your help. I'm not really sure if my sexual activities are too much already. Others won't understand me anymore. I'm not really sure. Hope you can give me some advice... after all, I think you're the only one who can understand.
---
If there was a time in my life I felt so depressed and filthiest because of my sexual engagements, that was that moment.
It was mid-march - a month after my ex dumped me. To cope up with the pain and suffering he did, I tried my luck hooking up with strangers, hoping I can find a replacement out of one of them. At 21, I was uncontrollable. I spent days and nights in the chatroom looking for company whenever there is available. Since I could not tell this to anyone - not even to my closest PLU friends, I felt trapped all the time. The only person I knew who could understand my plight was not even a close friend. Nevertheless, I contacted him. I'd rather listen to what he will say rather than be caught in my own web of confusion for something I did not understand at all.
And so Z arrived in my life.
Back then, he was just an acquaintance. A former friend told me some not so-good things about him, that most of those who listened preferred to avoid him. But in a time when nobody seemed to understand me, he was my only hope.
The rumors spread by my ex-friend about Z was so convincing, I had an impression that he had the wisdom to clarify things to me. He was my senior. His masculine appearance and gym-toned body was the first thing PLU will notice whenever he goes. When we were introduced in Malate half a year before, I saw him as the epitome of what a PLU should be. We just shook hands then, but our meeting was a catharsis for me. He was one of the first non-effeminate guys I've met.
---
He replied to my text message the same day.
And thus he began to change me the way I have become today. We had a long talk (or text message exchange) about my situation. He told me that numbers are irrelevant, since most guys he knew doesn't even count at all. In the end, he assured me that things were still fine and I shouldn't make an issue out of it. He said that what's important is I should feel comfortable with myself. Although he told me that my numbers were a bit alarming considering that I was just a newbie, but he said I will be alright.
That was what I've been waiting for - the assurance from someone much older and more experienced than me.
And for the first time since I discovered the pleasures of SEB, I stopped thinking that I was already slut and people looked down on me because of that. I was right, for many years later, those who looked down on me because of my exploits had already outnumbered my count possibly, many times over.
The encounters went on, but I was already comfortable with myself. Z's comforting words and experiences became my guide as I conducted myself with my partners later on. As an assurance that I won't freak out anymore supposed my activities became too frequent, I made sure to kept a list of the guys I slept with. Those were the immediate impact of Z insights about living the darker side of PLU life.
---
Our friendship went beyond that. Soon, as I get to know more about Z, I find that his interests are very much different from most people I know. In many ways, he is my connection to my childhood. His endless fascination for animes and Japanese pop culture serves as our bonding factor despite our rare meetings.
Once or twice, he asked me to listen to his Anime theme songs, which surprisingly was my collection since childhood. You see, during the second anime age in our television, I had the rare opportunity to record the opening and ending theme song of all animes that were shown on TV. When I told this to Z in one of our phone conversations, he was very amused.
Eventually, I would also discover another of his fascination, which are toys. A friend once told me that Z would spend his salary buying action figures in toy stores and obscure hobby shops. He's into collecting different toys, that for the past three Christmas, I regularly visit a Japanese antique toy store in Cubao to look for trinkets for him. Being one of the most appreciative guy that I know, he would never fail to make me smile whenever he tells me how he loved my gift - no matter how trivial or ordinary looking it was.
Finally, after I decided to take gym seriously last year, he was also there to provide me some additional advice when doing work-outs. Being a gym bunny ever since, his experiences proved very invaluable to my training. Together with my other work-out mentors who inspired me during my early months at the gym, their encouragement became the reason for my eventual adaption in living a healthier lifestyle.
---
I was standing beside a bakery waiting for a jeep that will take me home. I came from an SEB with three guys the previous night. One was my contact. He was just a kid like me. The second one seems to be the owner of the place. I rejected his advances because he was so obese, he looked like Soxy Topacio. The third one was a tall, moreno guy. I thought he was a straight guy who apparently went down to check the commotion in the sala. He found me lying naked on the floor, waiting for the third guy to arrive. He was the third one I've been waiting.
Among the three, the third guy was the only one who made me feel human. He hugged me and kissed me and talked to me after sex. As he walked me towards the jeepney stop, he revealed to me that he was a barangay councilor of the place. From that point onwards, my views about PLUs had greatly expanded.
As I waited for the jeep to arrive, the guilt feeling of having to spend another slutty night began to sink in. Only the aroma of freshly baked bread from the bakery became my comfort. With no hope of vindication in sight, I texted an acquaintance, believing he would relate to my situation. He was my last hope I had in mind that morning.
Me: Goodmorning Kuya Z, gising ka na ba?
No response.
Me: Sakaling mabasa mo ito, I really need your help. I'm not really sure if my sexual activities are too much already. Others won't understand me anymore. I'm not really sure. Hope you can give me some advice... after all, I think you're the only one who can understand.
---
If there was a time in my life I felt so depressed and filthiest because of my sexual engagements, that was that moment.
It was mid-march - a month after my ex dumped me. To cope up with the pain and suffering he did, I tried my luck hooking up with strangers, hoping I can find a replacement out of one of them. At 21, I was uncontrollable. I spent days and nights in the chatroom looking for company whenever there is available. Since I could not tell this to anyone - not even to my closest PLU friends, I felt trapped all the time. The only person I knew who could understand my plight was not even a close friend. Nevertheless, I contacted him. I'd rather listen to what he will say rather than be caught in my own web of confusion for something I did not understand at all.
And so Z arrived in my life.
Back then, he was just an acquaintance. A former friend told me some not so-good things about him, that most of those who listened preferred to avoid him. But in a time when nobody seemed to understand me, he was my only hope.
The rumors spread by my ex-friend about Z was so convincing, I had an impression that he had the wisdom to clarify things to me. He was my senior. His masculine appearance and gym-toned body was the first thing PLU will notice whenever he goes. When we were introduced in Malate half a year before, I saw him as the epitome of what a PLU should be. We just shook hands then, but our meeting was a catharsis for me. He was one of the first non-effeminate guys I've met.
---
He replied to my text message the same day.
And thus he began to change me the way I have become today. We had a long talk (or text message exchange) about my situation. He told me that numbers are irrelevant, since most guys he knew doesn't even count at all. In the end, he assured me that things were still fine and I shouldn't make an issue out of it. He said that what's important is I should feel comfortable with myself. Although he told me that my numbers were a bit alarming considering that I was just a newbie, but he said I will be alright.
That was what I've been waiting for - the assurance from someone much older and more experienced than me.
And for the first time since I discovered the pleasures of SEB, I stopped thinking that I was already slut and people looked down on me because of that. I was right, for many years later, those who looked down on me because of my exploits had already outnumbered my count possibly, many times over.
The encounters went on, but I was already comfortable with myself. Z's comforting words and experiences became my guide as I conducted myself with my partners later on. As an assurance that I won't freak out anymore supposed my activities became too frequent, I made sure to kept a list of the guys I slept with. Those were the immediate impact of Z insights about living the darker side of PLU life.
---
Our friendship went beyond that. Soon, as I get to know more about Z, I find that his interests are very much different from most people I know. In many ways, he is my connection to my childhood. His endless fascination for animes and Japanese pop culture serves as our bonding factor despite our rare meetings.
Once or twice, he asked me to listen to his Anime theme songs, which surprisingly was my collection since childhood. You see, during the second anime age in our television, I had the rare opportunity to record the opening and ending theme song of all animes that were shown on TV. When I told this to Z in one of our phone conversations, he was very amused.
Eventually, I would also discover another of his fascination, which are toys. A friend once told me that Z would spend his salary buying action figures in toy stores and obscure hobby shops. He's into collecting different toys, that for the past three Christmas, I regularly visit a Japanese antique toy store in Cubao to look for trinkets for him. Being one of the most appreciative guy that I know, he would never fail to make me smile whenever he tells me how he loved my gift - no matter how trivial or ordinary looking it was.
Finally, after I decided to take gym seriously last year, he was also there to provide me some additional advice when doing work-outs. Being a gym bunny ever since, his experiences proved very invaluable to my training. Together with my other work-out mentors who inspired me during my early months at the gym, their encouragement became the reason for my eventual adaption in living a healthier lifestyle.
---
Z may have been one of my elder friends, but I could not deny his contributions in my life. If not for him, I might still be in the dark - confused and paranoid of my sexual activities. I could have had many more encounters without ever realizing my limit or worth. Without his words of assurance, I could have never realized the value of friendship over sex partners. His wisdom formed the core of my own philosophy that I impart to people who sought my advice these days.
And now that he is celebrating his day, I guess this is my own way of showing my appreciation to what he has given me. They say that in life, there will only be a few people who would have a strong impact on you.
Z is one of them.
I've been writing about many people who I crossed paths ever since I started blogging. This time he deserves that our story be written... and somehow gain a piece of immortality in cyberspace.
For the many years to come master,
Happy Birthday Kuya Zeki.
And now that he is celebrating his day, I guess this is my own way of showing my appreciation to what he has given me. They say that in life, there will only be a few people who would have a strong impact on you.
Z is one of them.
I've been writing about many people who I crossed paths ever since I started blogging. This time he deserves that our story be written... and somehow gain a piece of immortality in cyberspace.
For the many years to come master,
Happy Birthday Kuya Zeki.
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