Jollibee Hidalgo
Text Message Conversation:
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Musta ka ate?
Ate! Ok naman. Ikaw?
Keri lang to pagala gala sa Quiapo hehe. Musta buhay may asawa?
Ok naman. Adjusting. Naprapraning pa ko. I wanna give up ata. Hahahaha.
Y naman?
Ayoko na ng gwapong partner. Nawawala ko sa tamang wisyo. Alam mo namang reyna ko ng insecure.
Jusku tambling ako sa drama mu. Kung keri mu naman e. Tsaka may ganda ka naman eh!
Hahaha. Ewan ku ba. Ayoko na magjowa. Manghada na lang ako forever ata
Ay no! Bka naman kc nakafocus ka sa looks nya at hindi sa mga shared things na pwede nyo magawa.
I don't trust him completely pa. I don't know.
Who said u can trust a person overnight?
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His name is Roi. He is one of the first non-straight men I've met many years ago. We have known each other inside-out, that despite our masculine appearance toward the people around us, we are comfortable speaking in lingo to express our endearment for one another. For eight years, I've known how his relationships went. Most of them lasted for months, if not for weeks, and what is unique about his case is that he often breaks up with his partner long before we get to meet him ourselves.
Last November, we were able to see each other after months of no communication. He told me that he met this guy and he found him very interesting (and attractive as well). A month later, he told me through text message that they were seriously dating, and that he is planning to enter a relationship with him. I encouraged him to pursue the guy and wished him well.
They became a couple a few days before Christmas. Roi, due to his aversion for things that will put him in a shaky position, confided all his anxieties to me. I was open to giving him insights as to how to manage his relationship, but my friend is a proud person. He would never seek anyone's help unless he is out of options. Instead of discussing the more intimate matters of his new relationship, he sought my ideas as to what gift he would give to his new boyfriend or the cake he would buy to his lover's mother. That's what best friends are for.
Silence fell after New Year and it could go on until he makes his presence felt. However, since I was extremely restless this afternoon, I thought of checking him out for a change. So there was our conversation and what bothered me is his worries about his partner.
I found my exes better-looking than me. I may have insecurities about the way I looked and for a time, I feared that they will leave me for someone more gwapo or more payat than me. I was obese then. However, I knew that fears would never lead me into anything constructive. What I did was to push myself to give more attention, love and affection towards my exes. In both cases my efforts paid off. When I broke up with them, they realized what was lost.
My best friend is good-looking. I never doubted him when he tells me that he is dating someone who drives an SUV, or he met this hunky guy who would ask him to stay in his posh loft at the Fort for as long as he wants. In the years we grew up together, I tried to emulate him - including his ways and values - but at the end, I was left using my own tricks to wade across the world we both live. He will always be superior to me.
What disturbed me the most during our chat, was how the looks of his partner and the issues of fidelity made him feel so threatened that he wasn't able to see their potentials as lifetime companions. What he implied in his text was he sees only impermanence in relationships: That everything might break down with just a snap of one's finger and that he was willing to bolt out, rather than be the one being left behind.
I sat for around thirty minutes in one of the steps of Jollibee just to assure him that everything will be fine. What he needs is to give their relationship a little more time to mature. I would have told him to love without any reservations. However, remembering how he was able to meet and bed the men of my dreams, his secret was to play someone hard to get.
Putting myself in his shoes, I am most certain to face the same kind of dilemma once I do a full-throttle and seriously consider entering a relationship with a new guy. If someone as proud and good-looking as him would claim to be the "Queen of Insecurity", what more to someone as mediocre as me?
Confused and distraught at how his case made me a little elusive about relationships, I stood up, picked up my bag and walked towards the terminal to find the jeep that would take me home. I scuttled my plans of watching Benjamin Button alone, or meeting a friend for a coffee or light dinner. I also suppressed all the temptations to have an appointment with Kitsune somewhere in FB Harrison. It's been a year since we last met, and the unbearably cold weather forces me to see him and discuss my ways in the future.
There's no point in seeking... when there is nothing really to find out.
So I arrived home a little dissapointed.
But peace stays with me.
Last November, we were able to see each other after months of no communication. He told me that he met this guy and he found him very interesting (and attractive as well). A month later, he told me through text message that they were seriously dating, and that he is planning to enter a relationship with him. I encouraged him to pursue the guy and wished him well.
They became a couple a few days before Christmas. Roi, due to his aversion for things that will put him in a shaky position, confided all his anxieties to me. I was open to giving him insights as to how to manage his relationship, but my friend is a proud person. He would never seek anyone's help unless he is out of options. Instead of discussing the more intimate matters of his new relationship, he sought my ideas as to what gift he would give to his new boyfriend or the cake he would buy to his lover's mother. That's what best friends are for.
Silence fell after New Year and it could go on until he makes his presence felt. However, since I was extremely restless this afternoon, I thought of checking him out for a change. So there was our conversation and what bothered me is his worries about his partner.
I found my exes better-looking than me. I may have insecurities about the way I looked and for a time, I feared that they will leave me for someone more gwapo or more payat than me. I was obese then. However, I knew that fears would never lead me into anything constructive. What I did was to push myself to give more attention, love and affection towards my exes. In both cases my efforts paid off. When I broke up with them, they realized what was lost.
My best friend is good-looking. I never doubted him when he tells me that he is dating someone who drives an SUV, or he met this hunky guy who would ask him to stay in his posh loft at the Fort for as long as he wants. In the years we grew up together, I tried to emulate him - including his ways and values - but at the end, I was left using my own tricks to wade across the world we both live. He will always be superior to me.
What disturbed me the most during our chat, was how the looks of his partner and the issues of fidelity made him feel so threatened that he wasn't able to see their potentials as lifetime companions. What he implied in his text was he sees only impermanence in relationships: That everything might break down with just a snap of one's finger and that he was willing to bolt out, rather than be the one being left behind.
I sat for around thirty minutes in one of the steps of Jollibee just to assure him that everything will be fine. What he needs is to give their relationship a little more time to mature. I would have told him to love without any reservations. However, remembering how he was able to meet and bed the men of my dreams, his secret was to play someone hard to get.
Putting myself in his shoes, I am most certain to face the same kind of dilemma once I do a full-throttle and seriously consider entering a relationship with a new guy. If someone as proud and good-looking as him would claim to be the "Queen of Insecurity", what more to someone as mediocre as me?
Confused and distraught at how his case made me a little elusive about relationships, I stood up, picked up my bag and walked towards the terminal to find the jeep that would take me home. I scuttled my plans of watching Benjamin Button alone, or meeting a friend for a coffee or light dinner. I also suppressed all the temptations to have an appointment with Kitsune somewhere in FB Harrison. It's been a year since we last met, and the unbearably cold weather forces me to see him and discuss my ways in the future.
There's no point in seeking... when there is nothing really to find out.
So I arrived home a little dissapointed.
But peace stays with me.
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