Sunday, May 3, 2009

Midsummer Night Orchestra

There are lessons which take time to learn and every failure that comes along the way lead to a refinement. The experience that we gain from every fall becomes a series of notes that when arranged in a composition turn into a melody which make up a familiar musical piece.

As the tune becomes hummable, the sounds play in our head like we can almost supply the lyrics to the song. Some melodies repeat itself over and over, while others shift to varying degrees of tone which add more depth to the music.

One month has passed and this was the symphony played by the orchestra.

The prospects of the doctor becoming the new partner dimmed as every day passes. On the second and the third night after the unforgettable drinking spree at Quatro, he still showed signs that a romantic conclusion was possible. Who wouldn't fall for his charms: He is a professional; a very fit person who knows his way around the medical field. Though we may have some differences in our ways of getting entertained, his overall package compensated for the things that he lacked.

Including his looks.

But as I was being drawn closer - believing that our feelings of attachment were mutual, he moved a step backward hinting that I was too easy to be deceived. Words were never spoken but I knew a rejection coming. Who wouldn't feel the coldness: The more I made my presence felt, the more his intensity waned. He would tell me how he longed to have someone special when I was there slowly being blown away by his words of endearment. A week came by without any exchange of pleasantries. Nursing some wounds left by his passing I took his absence as a cue that to pursue him would lead to nothing.

So a hasty retreat was commenced.

Now we still get to talk briefly online but the desire I once had for him is already gone. Not even the gentle stoking of the flirty flames can bring back the fire I once had.

He is history and I don't even see us becoming close friends in the future.

As for Jay-R the Epitome Boy, we met again in Malate the night after spending a day with him tucked in my arms. He was worried sick that I was drunk and alone in that place. His sudden presence was deeply appreciated and as a trade-off, I showed him around and let him dwell in a pretentious world that is already my life.

Jay-R broke a lot of firsts after our tryst inside the bathhouse.

He was the first I brought home right after an intimate act and still live to claim the next morning that nothing happened. Yes. We just kissed and cuddled and slept in my bed. He was also the first to see my prized Ultraman Trading Card collection which I painstakingly amassed since my elementary school days. We shared many things in common, including our favorite dimsum, our favorite anime and our favorite pop songs.

Jay-R was a good catch and things would have been promising if not for a fact that he has a girlfriend - whose romantic status appear stable, if not going stronger.

The day after seeing my world, Jay-R became unapproachable. He wouldn't answer the text messages I sent him nor he would text me sweet nothings like he did days before.

His only reply that evening was

"Kuya kasama ko po ang gf ko." Then there was prolonged silence.

I searched for reasons for his sudden coldness. It must have been his trip to Malate that changed his impressions of me: from the way I danced, or how I spoke to friends, or how he was asked by someone if "we're gonna fuck" after leaving Malate. Those things might have overwhelmed him. It was also possible that he met a better catch on his way home, or had an epiphany after seeing the gay side of Manila and decided to strengthen his bonds with his girlfriend.

Or he might have found me too easy to get.

The truth however would remain a mystery.

And as a response to our growing rift, I began moving away.

Detachment was never easy. I was at my lowest point when he found me wandering the dark corridors of Epitome. The moment he accepted my invitation to stay in my place, he also shattered my suspicions that I was only good for one night stands and nothing more.

His openness brought back my belief that there is still humanity even in bathhouses and it is possible to find real intimacy even at the most promiscuous of places.

Looking back, we never had dull moments to speak off. He knew when to keep quiet and just keep his arms wrapped around my chest. For all the romantic gestures he showed me, I indulged myself in stolen moments with someone who could have been mine.

But, to linger in such weakened state may lead to another tragedy. It wasn't my desire to be his third wheel nor let his scanty replies drive me to the verge of self destruction.

To save myself from further sinking, I was prepared to abandon him.

Together with all the other guys I've been involved with for the past four weeks.

As I was getting ready for the last phase of my postpaid line abandonment, I received a text message from Jay-R asking if I was mad at him. I didn't send a reply. The following day, he sent another message asking for forgiveness for the things that he did.

His apologies ended my stand-off. We are in speaking terms once again - even if he was back to sending scanty replies to the text messages I forward to him.

And an encore was sought, but recalling how other orchestras met tragedies after a repeat performance, the conductor raises his hand for the musicians to stop playing.

Placing their percussion instruments next to their stool, they stood up as the audience clapped and applauded. Some threw bouquets of flowers, while others ballyhooed the entire repertoire.

As the conductor walks toward the center stage to make his final bow. Something fell from his coat and it bursts into flames as it descends to the ground.

The symphony will never have a repeat performance.


dr magsasaka said...


The more things happen, the more they end the same.

Knox Galen said...

Dr Magsasaka: Subtle changes make each experience end in a different manner.

At least I'm not a cry baby when people exit my life.

blagadag said...

me sad, huh.

xtian1978ii said...

ang bilis. ganun ganun lang. hirap man invest ng emotion.