One Night In Malate: Tripper

O-Bar,
Thirty minutes after Tannis left the scene

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"Are you gay?"

Tanong ng isang babaeng dumaan sa aking harapan. Nakatambay ako noon sa tapat ng DJ booth at may pinopormahang binatang natritripan ko nung gabing iyon.

"Yes I am. Why did you ask?" Ang walang kagatol-gatol na sagot ko sa kanya. Kung ibang bading ang nilapitan niya upang birahan ng mahiwagang tanong, tiyak na nataasan na siya ng kilay at nakembutan pa ng wala sa oras. Ganun kataray ang mga kafatid nating desperadong makahanap ng booking minsan.

"Wala lang. O sige, I have to look after my bestfriend pa. See yah!" Hindi pa ako nakakasagot ay bigla na lamang ito nilamon ng karimlan. Jampack kasi ang dance floor, mausok at patay sindi ang mga ilaw sa kisame.

Hindi ko na sana papatulan ang banat ng chick. Tutal ay hindi naman siya, o ang mga katulad niya ang sadya ko sa lugar na iyon. Hindi ko rin naman pinangarap maikama ng babae ever. Subalit dahil na-interpret ko ang kanyang tanong bilang isang complement, nawala bigla ang aking kalasingan at para akong tangang nakangiti at nakatingin sa kawalan na para bang sinabihan ng nakakalibog ng aking pinakamimithing maikama.

It's getting late. Yun ang madaling sumagi sa isip ko. Isa pa, mukhang hindi ako makaka-score dahil walang balak makipagtrip ang aking pinopormahan. Given no other option but to entertain the impossible, nilayasan ko si prospect at hinawi ang mga nagkalat na tite upang hanapin si babae na unang naka-spot sa akin.

Natagpuan ko siya sa ibabaw ng ledge. Nagsasayaw kasama si bestfriend na babae.

Kaagad niya akong napansin at inayang sumayaw sa kanyang tabi. After mounting the ledge, muli niya akong tinanong kung gay ba ako. Sabi ko oo. Nang muli niyang binalik ang tanong sa akin at sinabing bakit hindi ako naghahanap ng lalaking kasayaw, isa lang ang sinagot ko.

"Because you invited me to dance with you."

At doon nagsimula ang aming gabi. Nalaman ko na ang pangalan niya ay Jan* at isa siyang Wedding Planner. Ang bestfriend na kanyang kabuntot nang una kaming magkita ay ikakasal na pala sa December. Tinaguriang Bachelorette party iyon ng kanyang kasama at upang hindi masyadong mag-alala si soon-to-be groom na kasalukuyang may stag party nang gabing yun, dinala ni Wedding Planner ang soon-to-be bride sa isang lugar na puro bading. Lasing na si bestfriend at nagwawala sa ledge, ang tatlo nilang kasamang effeminate ay nagsipaghanap na rin ng kanya-kanyang kalandian. Dahil ako ang nag-iisang odd-one out sa grupo, wala akong nagawa kundi sayawan si Jan.

"Hey I want you to meet [name of gay friend]. Wanna dance with him?" Ngumiti lang ako kay Jan. Sa totoo lang eh naasar ako dahil sa halip na ipasa niya ako sa aking matritripan eh pinapasa niya ako sa mga lalaking hindi ko lalandiin magkaubusan man ng bading sa mundo.

"Why don't you dance with him?"

"Nahihiya ako eh..." Pero ang ibig kong sabihin talaga eh "Yoko, baka ibalibag ko lang yan." Harsh pero yun talaga ang totoo.

Dumaan ang oras ng hindi ko namamalayan. Marami kaming napagkuwentuhan ni Jan tungkol sa kanyang trabaho at pati na rin sa kanyang apparent closeness sa mga lalaking nagkikilos babae. Ilang beses pa niyang tinanong kung totoo nga ang aking sinasabi. Sa huli ay pinaliwanag ko na lang sa kanya ang kaibahan ng pakikipagsayaw ko sa bading sa pakikipagsayaw sa babae. (Kung saan hinayaan kong gumapang ang kanyang kamay mula sa aking dibdib hanggang sa tiyan)

Nakadikit ako kay Jan at dahil dito ay naging extension ako ng kanyang entourage. Kapag hindi siya ang aking kausap ay dinadaldal ko ang mga diwata niyang kaibigan. Minsan naman ay sinusuyod namin ang dance floor sa tuwing nawawala si bestfriend at kung saan-saan nagpapatangay sa agos ng kabadingan.

Masaya ang kanilang grupo. Nakakaaliw si Jan sa dahilang hindi niya alam umamoy ng bading sa straight na lalaki. Sa kabila ng aking pagkukunwari sa lahat ng nasa paligid namin, ni minsan ay hindi ako nakaramdam ng pressure habang ang isang kasayaw na babae. Tamang chill lang. Marahil ay dahil disabled ang friend or foe mechanism ko.

Marahil ay hindi ko siya masikmurang taluhin.

"Uy crush ko yung naka-cap. Gay ba siya?" Bulong nito sa akin habang nag-iispot ako na puwedeng landiin.

Isang sulyap ay amoy ko na ang kanyang tinuturo. Hindi pa man ito nakakalapit sa amin ay binalaan ko na si Jan. "Bading siya. Asa ka pa."

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Hindi na bago sa akin ang makatanso ng babae lalo na't naliligaw ako sa isang straight na bar. Naging saksi ang ilang Engkanto nang minsang napasabak ako't nakipagdikitang sayaw sa isang babae. Malagkit ang kanyang mga galaw at ilang beses rin nalamog ang aking katawan nang ito'y kanyang pangigilan. Minsan na rin akong nakipaglaplapan sa isang babae sa loob ng Che'lu nang bulungan ko itong sexy at "cool." Second nature ko na kasi ang maging gentleman at dahil magaling ako pagdating sa bolahan, minsan ay mas madali pa sa akin ang mag-trip bilang straight kesa lumandi sa kapwa ko barako.

Intoxicated with alcohol and possessing no care in the world, I teased Jan by lifting my body-hugging white shirt to her thrill and amazement. I really don't know what thoughts ran inside her head but the reception was encouraging. She tried to lift my shift higher, exposing my chest and nipples but I pulled it down, to gather guts for a showdown I was planning to do with her later.

Another bottle, another house track and all hell broke lose. The dj played my anthem and despite the vow to never dance again naked, just for someone who made me feel most welcome inside the indifferent gay bar, I revealed the fruits of my work-out and let her enjoy what I had to offer.

I took off my shirt and tucked it inside my pants.

"Shit sana naging straight ka na lang."

She said as I grinded my hips against hers. The crowd was stunned, of course, and their reception certainly was atrocious. Jan was game as I had expected. She took off my belt, tried to pull down my loose pants as my hand held it tight, afraid that she might succeed in peeling off my remaining body cover. At the back of my head however, I was looking forward to something shocking. Had she read my thoughts, I wouldn't mind if she leashed me using my belt for everyone to see.

"Tangina, buti walang nakakakilala sa akin dito." I mumbled. The gogoboys asked us to dance on the ledge. Gaining composure, I put my belt back to my pants and instead of her doing things to me, I wrapped my arms around her waist.

"Isipin mo na lang, lesbian lang ako." I said.

"Tell me who you really want to dance with and I can easily hook him with you." She pleaded, as one of the Gogoboys tried to steal the spotlight by grinding his crotch against my ass.

"But I am already dancing with you."

"Why me? You're gay right? I want to make you happy." Jan said.

"Can't I dance with a girl and make you feel like a woman even if I'm not straight?" My answer convinced her. She smiled, wrapped her hands around my hips and leaned her head against my moist chest.

I didn't tell Jan that I was eyeing someone when she was busy expanding her contacts with others earlier. But I found out that the guy - who looked like a construction worker - had someone else to pair with. The guy he flirted was as feminine as my chick, only that mine was a real one - a slim, mestiza hottie by all accounts, while his pretended to be one.

For the first time in recent memory, I went to a gay-friendly place only to stick with someone not of my kind. I didn't even have to hide under the cloak of bisexuality, like her earlier crush who revealed his true colors eventually. I guess it comes with nature - me being someone of tripping between worlds.

I don't know for certain if it would get elsewhere - had she raised the level of companionship and asked for something more intimate. I would back down, knowing my strong attachment to anything that is related to being anal. If there is one thing I have proven, I learned that sexuality can be fluid. The question lies whether you can effortlessly slip in a straight guy's shoes and play his game or run for cover and hide inside your own vaulted world

"Hey Jan, can I get your number?"

"Sure." I handed my phone for her to save her digits.

"Huwag mo akong kakalimutan ha? First time sa akin ito."

"Oo ba. Ikaw pa."

"I have to go." Frowning, she begged me to stay a little longer. I showed her my mother's text message telling me to go home.

"Sige na nga."

"Thank you for the company." If only I could tell her how our encounter restored the strains of bisexuality remaining in me.

Kissing her forehead, I let go of my arms to bid farewell to those who kept us company. The best friend sat in one corner, wasted and sleepy. A parlorista waved from the ledge and the entourage, despite their hesitation responded to my fist bumping with them.

I walked out of the dance floor catching glances from those who probably witnessed my twisted letdown. Shaking their perception of things and proving to everyone how sexuality could be distorted, I ask myself whether I am merely performing a magic trick,

or there is a strong possibility that I swing both ways and just deny it?