Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Nocturnal Infiltration

I used to dream of good stuff. Scenes were always in technicolor - like in movies shown on big theaters. The sky was always a palette of blue, orange and yellow - like daybreaks on a cloudless dusky afternoon. I often saw myself on top of a hill looking at the vast plains below. No wonder, I enjoy high places staring at the horizon. When there were no hills in sight, eyes cast their gaze over anything that would let me savor wide open spaces: endless fields, a forests of evergreens, a sleepy cityscape in the distance. Everything was at peace.

Nightmares were not so different. I dream of dead bodies. Scores of them. There's a trip to the morgue or the anatomy lab - with my eyes closed of course when passing through the aisles; The march of metallic stretchers with bodies sheathed in white; loved ones, who had long gone suddenly dropping by for a small talk.

These were normal occurrences - in my sleep - until some kind of dreaded scenes started infiltrating my dreams.

Rain Darwin once said that when he used to be a salaried guy, he did dream about his work. His was a life under constant pressure. He had to give up his personal freedom to become a slave of his workforce.

Until he decided to liberate himself from the corporate world.

Passion runs high in my blood. Responsibility and order go on top of my list. My supervisor said I should never let my job ruin my life. But with how things are going, and my ever growing desire to run the campaign as smooth (to the point of redundancy) as possible, a slice of my thoughts never let go of work.

That's why my only breathers at the moment are the gym and the writing. Sleep is a luxury that is becoming more expensive these days.

I see faces and hear voices (perhaps of our Argentine clients) whenever I stay away from work for long periods. My creative juices go towards finding ways to make the agents' job less stressful and more enjoyable. Their whims get satisfied whenever I floorwalk. I get rattled easily by my irate supervisor, and in turn, her ranting goes all the way into the deepest consciousness in my head. All these portents I tried to brush off before. But with the training still in full swing, and with my first one on the bigger fray ending in a near disaster this morning, its no surprise that when I closed my eyes to get some rest this evening, the first person who knocked me back to wakefulness was none other but the faces and the voices and the training that is set for tomorrow.


anteros' dominion said...


time to find another career path

funny as it may sound

but the same thing happened to me after my first duty for this year

signal from the subconcious

pag hinayaang magpatuloy ang ganiyang sitwasyon

hello mental institution

(why, kasi hindi ka siguro aware na masyado mong dinidibdib ang iyong trabaho...the problem is, hindi na siya nakatutulong sa iyo..hindi na yan growth as an employee...)

Andrei said...

hands down.

Andrei said...


engel said...

this post reminds me of my tl days. i see myself in you in terms on how you liven up the floor to make work less mundane.

good times.

cio said...

easy ka lang. baka new environment na nga talaga ang dapat sayo..

Darc Diarist said...

same here.
while on the way to work. while on the way from work. while eating. while doing just about anything.
here's hoping you find things in order soon.
i look up to you pa naman.

wanderingcommuter said...

sobrang nakakarelate ako. but i remember an analogy you once said to me that made me stay before...

a tree

sabi mo, live your life like a tree although it stays in one location, it still make itself grow...

now, i think its time to give back that favor. kaya mo yan! everyone is believing you.

lee said...

just hold on to your breathers, that will keep you sane =D

Anonymous said...

We always say Live Life to the Fullest.

If your hard work does not commensurate the money u get from the company, if pressure escalates day by day in your work environment, if exertion does not equate to professional progress, then find another career worth working.

You’re still young and at the heights of your productivity. Just believe in yourself and a rewarding career lies ahead of you.

Do it when you found one. Mahirap mabakante bro. Tiis-tiis muna.

- Rain Darwin

anteros' dominion said...

@raindarwin, wow, magandang payo yan ah..apply ko rin sa akin

Anonymous said...

tinamaan ako sa comment ni rain darwin ah.

anyways, with regards to your trouble sleeping, try eating a banana (no pun intended) or drinking warm milk before going to bed to induce a natural flow of serotonin in your body.

also, try sleepasil. i heard from a friend that it works. :)

hinay hinay lang bro.

Johnny Cursive said...

Sleepasil works for me. I'm a big fan of all its components. Kahit 7-11 merong sleepasil.

I work in the same company since graduating college. During my first year sa kumpanya, i was getting sick, my social life became zilch, i lost weight (not a good thing) and sleep. Sabi ko nga kapalit nung trabaho ko nun ay youth and beauty haha.

Then napanood ko ung devil wears prada. Sabi ni anne hathaway she would just slug it out for a year then it will be better. So I slugged it out for a year. Thanks to her, my job did get better eventually. It's still not the best job but I have my social life back and i'm not getting sick anymore. Kung hindi dahil sa movie, I would have been jumping from one job to another. So long as it's not a dead-end job, you might want to give it a shot. Sugal lang naman lahat to.

Devil wears prada talaga nag-inspire saken ambakla ko haha

citybuoy said...

i used to find the floor really exciting. iba yung energy eh. kaso nakakastress talaga hence the move to training. maybe it's time for a mega vacation?

natawa naman ako sa devil wears prada ni johnny cursive. haha

Galen said...

Anteros: That's part of the plan.
Pero goal ko rin ang ma-absorb lahat ng puwede ko matutunan since I really find the job worth learning.

Andrei: Thanks pare.

Engel: Yeah, I still remember that entry of yours. Dumaan ka na sa pinagdaraanan ko. Ehehehe.

Galen said...

Dencio: Saka ko na pag-iisipan ang new environment kung higit na malaki ang kikitain ko dun.

Darc: It takes mind conditioning to figure things out. Thanks for the support.

Wiwik: I have my own ways of giving back the things I have learned. They will learn from me.

Padsiefoot said...

I know very well that you can withstand the greatest pressures your current work is putting on you...


If one day you decide to move to another camp, maybe you can try my wonderland. It will just be an email away. ^__^

Galen said...

Lee: You should have seen me get drunk this evening when I joined Wiwik and Odin in their drinking spree at Quatro. liberated.

Rain Darwin: Believe in myself. That is something I am trying to figure out why I cannot possess when I speak to bigger people outside of my workplace.

Nosebleed ako sa comment mo kapatid. Lolz.

Maxwell: I take a pill before going to sleep. Forgot the name of it. Thanks for the suggestion bro.

Galen said...

Johnny Cursive: At kelan ka pa naging straight. Lolz. I'll hold on to my post until I find a better paying job this year. Kahit rank and file ulit ako okay lang.

Or if I could get a raket that would provide me a steady source of extra income...

Maybe I'd stay longer.

Citybuoy: That's the problem. The last time I had a mega vacation, the clients began invading my dreams. :(

Padsiefoot: I look forward to the day I'd just say "Bring it on!" At the back of my head, my "emissaries" are already in their journey to places I might someday dwell.

Lets talk when we get to meet. :)

red the mod said...

And to complement Johnny Cursive's, I would also like to quote from The Devil Wears Prada.

"You think that's hard? Wait till your personal life goes out in flames. That means it's time for a raise."

You are threading a very thin line, falling into that obsessive spiral of proving oneself. You once told me that people going through some inner turmoil tend to seek another to distract them.

Be thankful that despite the taxing nature of the occupation you inhabit, you still have writing and working out as outlets. That your life is not a fully-defined sketch, that your manuscript is still drafted daily.

Challenge is your ally. Embrace it.

♥ ruby ♥ said...

I always think about work too.

If you're happy despite the stress/pressure, then stay. If not, it's better to find another job.

I've read in the previous post that you like a challenge. This should be a good one for you. :D

iurico said...

personally, the reason why we always think of work even outside of office hours is because either we are passionate about our job or we simply dread the consequences should we not "deliver" what is expected.

Sometimes, with all of the deliverables that we have, we get overwhelmed what to accomplish, to delegate and to push back.

I always remember what a mentor used to tell me whenever i feel overwhelmed with "to do's." just question yourself - what do i plan to resolve with this task?

Hence, when you floorwalk - what is your intent? do u plan to cater to all of their whims (answer random questions, take escalated calls) just to make their lives easier - or would you rather make both your life and theirs easier by floorwalking and directing them how to arrive at an answer to their question. Let then learn to control and de-escalate the call and document what u taught them through a discussion log so the next time they ask you the same stupid question - you give them a warning. This would, eventually, teach them to be proactive and self-reliant. Consequently, this will give you more time to attend to other deliverables.

Time management and proper execution my dear Galen...