If there is one wish I have tonight, it is to fall asleep and soon open my eyes standing in front of you. The first thing that will greet my arrival is your big smile. Perhaps, despite our strangeness, you will sense the common beat of our hearts. The blood which passes through your tiny veins, is the same blood that sprouts from my finger when I prick it with a needle. You will never feel any animosity towards my presence, for deep down you know we have always been one.
Of course, your maid will be alarmed. She will grab you by the arm and put you behind her back. Your dad, who took shot of your picture will immediately confront me. I maybe years older than him, but I will never match his fierceness. He was a thug before you were born. Whoever is in the house - your mom, aunts, or even grandparents will surround me. They will ask who I am and where I came from. No matter what excuses I tell, they will never buy it. My fear is that the more they get agitated, the more I will get the attention of neighbors. I might be in for a gang-up, which often happen in our neighborhood before.
As I write this entry, I wonder if you will really sense our connection. Will you cry and call your mommy the moment I attempt to carry you? Will you wiggle your body and kick your feet in the air when I hug you by the waist? Will you know that it is me who showed up one afternoon whose sole intention is to take you out and make you feel like a privileged child for a change?
I am willing to show all my identification cards to your parents - but they will never believe me. Who would buy the idea of a mid-twenties guy going back in time to borrow their two-year old firstborn and take out for a stroll. It's totally absurd - even for a fiction story. They will never listen to my plea, especially your mom who still checks me out whenever I go out at night.
However, if I do get their permission; if they entrust you to my care
I swear to God, I'd make you the happiest toddler in the world.
Given that I only have an afternoon to spend with you - just the two of us - what will I do?
Will I bring you to Santa Clara to give thanks to our patron? Would you want us to eat at McDonalds, Jollibee or in that Magnolia Ice Cream Parlor along Aurora Boulevard? Can you finish your own Spaghetti, French Fries and Cheeseburger all by yourself or should we share it together? The truth is, I do not know how to take care of a two year old.
I never had one.
But just for you kid, I'd be the best guardian I could ever be in this life.
I do not know if there is any Shoemart in your time, but I heard that the Rustan's Department Store is already built out there in the flatlands of Ayala Avenue. If you want, I'd put you on my back and walk around Luneta all afternoon. We would go watch the sunset at the bay together and buy you all the balloons that you want to be tied around your wrist. I'd buy you all the clothes that you need at Good Earth Emporium and Manila COD in Avenida. The toys that your small hands would grab will be all yours with just a smile on your face.
I'd spoil your whims and desires. I'd be the big brother that you wish you ever had. Had I known how to drive, I wouldn't mind renting an Isuzu Gemini and do a joyride around the city where the word traffic still doesn't appear on newspaper bulletins. I'd leave marks of our encounter, which I know, you will figure out as you age in life.
Alas, our time is short and like the brief glimmer of a late-afternoon sun that is about to hide behind the clouds. I would have to return you home to your mom and dad who are waiting for our arrival. They would be worried of course, but with all the toys and clothes that I bought for you - and the pasalubong for them, it is my hope that they would feel relieved and thankful for my presence.
I will exit your timeline with lasting memories of our stroll. When I return to my own time, I will long for the smoothness and softness of your skin. I will miss carrying you around in my arms and on my back. I will miss hugging you. Many empty nights will pass and your voice still echoes in my ears. Your giggles, your cries and your laughter will be the song that will feed my soul. As the thoughts of you keep flooding in, perhaps my desire to have a kid would grow too strong that I'd turn my back from who I am before I went to see you.
As you grow old and become a man like me, it is my wish that you will never suffer an adult life worse than mine. I hope that when you reach the expressways that I missed, you will never miss the ramps that lead to those many-laned roads.
I would be happy to know that my presence made a big impact, but at a tender age like yours,
I doubt if you will ever remember me.
You may not recall our dream-like encounter nor the treat I gave you. The toys we bought at the department stores will be all broken when you reach the age I suddenly thought of getting your photo from my baby album and began writing about you. Yet, in the quietness of space and the restlessness of time; when you look up at the sky at night, or stare at sunsets whenever you take a break from work, maybe,
just maybe you will remember my voice echoing inside your head.
For when you reach the age of 27, you would wish you have given more love to yourself instead of giving it away to others. You would wish you have a son to look after like how I am willing to spend an afternoon looking after you.
You would wish you have been tougher, wiser and more engaging with the things around you.
When you reach the age I will be turning today and never really felt how to have a life for yourself, it is my longing that our brief imaginary encounter will always ring a sweet tune to your heart.
In the silence of Mugenspace.
Thank you God for a year well spent
Happy Birthday... Joms
Of course, your maid will be alarmed. She will grab you by the arm and put you behind her back. Your dad, who took shot of your picture will immediately confront me. I maybe years older than him, but I will never match his fierceness. He was a thug before you were born. Whoever is in the house - your mom, aunts, or even grandparents will surround me. They will ask who I am and where I came from. No matter what excuses I tell, they will never buy it. My fear is that the more they get agitated, the more I will get the attention of neighbors. I might be in for a gang-up, which often happen in our neighborhood before.As I write this entry, I wonder if you will really sense our connection. Will you cry and call your mommy the moment I attempt to carry you? Will you wiggle your body and kick your feet in the air when I hug you by the waist? Will you know that it is me who showed up one afternoon whose sole intention is to take you out and make you feel like a privileged child for a change?
I am willing to show all my identification cards to your parents - but they will never believe me. Who would buy the idea of a mid-twenties guy going back in time to borrow their two-year old firstborn and take out for a stroll. It's totally absurd - even for a fiction story. They will never listen to my plea, especially your mom who still checks me out whenever I go out at night.
However, if I do get their permission; if they entrust you to my care
I swear to God, I'd make you the happiest toddler in the world.
Given that I only have an afternoon to spend with you - just the two of us - what will I do?
Will I bring you to Santa Clara to give thanks to our patron? Would you want us to eat at McDonalds, Jollibee or in that Magnolia Ice Cream Parlor along Aurora Boulevard? Can you finish your own Spaghetti, French Fries and Cheeseburger all by yourself or should we share it together? The truth is, I do not know how to take care of a two year old.
I never had one.
But just for you kid, I'd be the best guardian I could ever be in this life.
I do not know if there is any Shoemart in your time, but I heard that the Rustan's Department Store is already built out there in the flatlands of Ayala Avenue. If you want, I'd put you on my back and walk around Luneta all afternoon. We would go watch the sunset at the bay together and buy you all the balloons that you want to be tied around your wrist. I'd buy you all the clothes that you need at Good Earth Emporium and Manila COD in Avenida. The toys that your small hands would grab will be all yours with just a smile on your face.
I'd spoil your whims and desires. I'd be the big brother that you wish you ever had. Had I known how to drive, I wouldn't mind renting an Isuzu Gemini and do a joyride around the city where the word traffic still doesn't appear on newspaper bulletins. I'd leave marks of our encounter, which I know, you will figure out as you age in life.
Alas, our time is short and like the brief glimmer of a late-afternoon sun that is about to hide behind the clouds. I would have to return you home to your mom and dad who are waiting for our arrival. They would be worried of course, but with all the toys and clothes that I bought for you - and the pasalubong for them, it is my hope that they would feel relieved and thankful for my presence.
I will exit your timeline with lasting memories of our stroll. When I return to my own time, I will long for the smoothness and softness of your skin. I will miss carrying you around in my arms and on my back. I will miss hugging you. Many empty nights will pass and your voice still echoes in my ears. Your giggles, your cries and your laughter will be the song that will feed my soul. As the thoughts of you keep flooding in, perhaps my desire to have a kid would grow too strong that I'd turn my back from who I am before I went to see you.
As you grow old and become a man like me, it is my wish that you will never suffer an adult life worse than mine. I hope that when you reach the expressways that I missed, you will never miss the ramps that lead to those many-laned roads.
I would be happy to know that my presence made a big impact, but at a tender age like yours,
I doubt if you will ever remember me.
You may not recall our dream-like encounter nor the treat I gave you. The toys we bought at the department stores will be all broken when you reach the age I suddenly thought of getting your photo from my baby album and began writing about you. Yet, in the quietness of space and the restlessness of time; when you look up at the sky at night, or stare at sunsets whenever you take a break from work, maybe,
just maybe you will remember my voice echoing inside your head.
For when you reach the age of 27, you would wish you have given more love to yourself instead of giving it away to others. You would wish you have a son to look after like how I am willing to spend an afternoon looking after you.
You would wish you have been tougher, wiser and more engaging with the things around you.
When you reach the age I will be turning today and never really felt how to have a life for yourself, it is my longing that our brief imaginary encounter will always ring a sweet tune to your heart.
In the silence of Mugenspace.
Thank you God for a year well spent
Happy Birthday... Joms
No comments:
Post a Comment