Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Haunted

"Ikaw talaga Joms, hindi ka pa rin nakaka-get over sa ex mo?"

"Bakit mo naman nasabi."

"Pinakita mo kaya sa akin yung picture niya. Hawig niya yang crush mo."

I was forced to take a second look at my crush again. Unbelievable as it may seem, but Rain Darwin was right. I was ogling over a guy whose facial features distantly resembles those of my ex-lover's.

He first caught my attention the first time I stepped inside my friend's gym. The crush was doing dumbbell flys in front of the mirror. I tried to ignore his presence knowing that he is just a kid. I never had an eye for kids from the very start. But the more I look at his boyish face, his big rounded eyes and his buzz cut hair, something in me was turning soft. I am crushing on someone not because of mere sexual attraction but something that I cannot fully explain.

We never got to talk that day but I caught him looking at me while teaching new members about the proper way to execute a pull-down exercise. Surely, what caught his interest was the excercise and not the person teaching it. Yet, the fitness instructing I did was enough to lay the ground that would establish our ties the next time we saw each other there.

I returned a week later to play the role of Centurion's personal gym instructor. Rain Darwin was there as well, but he was busy looking after some new members trying out their strength in lifting barbells. Looking around, I found him doing crunches on the abs machine. Sweat rolled down his smooth reddish cheeks as he pulled down the weight of several iron plates toward his belly.

The crush smiled and acknowledged my presence. "Kararating mo lang?" were his first words when I passed in front of him. Told him, I would work out with a friend this time and encouraged him to do more crunches. He nodded his head then went back to completing his sets.

The small conversations we had paid off handsomely, for I learned some interesting details about him. He is a student from a university not far from my place. He works out almost every day to gain the needed mass to bulk up his lean body. We could have engaged ourselves in continuous exchanges of ideas - on fitness - but since my goal was to work out and teach the leader the program I knew, I left him to complete his routine.

Before our session was over, Rain Darwin, Centurion and I revealed each other's crushes in the gym. My two companions, with their natural affinity for twinks pointed out their crushes - lean, squeaky boys in their 17's and 18's. Their crushes are cute, in fairness, save for the leaders' whose boytoy wasn't present when I should up. While Centurion was doing his sit-ups, I pointed to Rain Darwin who my crush was.

We wound up our conversation stealing glances at my crush while wondering what does my attraction meant...

Looking back, Darwin's side comments holed itself deep inside my head like a microchip running my thought process. I cannot deny the truths of his words, especially after concluding the Drowned World episode in Malate last week. (which will be my closing entry for the month of August) The memory of the ex could be as ancient as prehistory, but instincts could not erase the five years I shared an evolution with him.

Subtle as it appears, but me thinks that I am still drawn to that old, undying pulse which still beams his images into my consciousness.

A few weeks ago, I caught glimpse of this new boxer on television which sports newscasters predict to be the next Manny Pacquiao. Loyal Pacman fans will disagree at such claims but when my eyes laid claim to him, I felt this soft spot - this warm reception Pacquiao never got from me.


Life has strange ways of dealing with the past and I am spooked that I see history unveiling every time I stare at the face of Nonito Donaire.

10 comments:

gilbert said...

ganun talaga pag minahal mo yung ex mo, tendency, yung susunod na magugustuhan mo eh may pagkakahawig...

di sinasadya, pero ganun talaga nangyayari minsan.

yung barkada ko, yung asawa, kamukha yung ex niya.

isipipis said...

hahaha... tumambling ako sa post mo, kapatid. ^_^

requirement ang photo op. ^_^

Trip said...

uyyy, personal trainer ka na ngayon ah. hehehe. challenging iyan at the same time fulfilling lalo na kung makikita mo iyung progress ng student mo. ako madaling mag give up pag di nakikinig iyng tinuturuan ko. hehehe

period said...

blikan ko mga lumang post mo baka sakali maintindihan ko yung binabanggit mo na ex for five years...

ganun talaga, kahit hindi natin ginusto, nakakahawig ng present ang ex...

Knox Galen said...

Period: Matagal ko nang ibinaon sa lupa ang mga entries tungkol sa nakaraan ko.

Paumanhin, ngunit hindi mo makikita dito ang iyong hinahanap. :(

Trip: Trainer-traineran lang. Ikaw pa rin ang master.

Knox Galen said...

Gilbert: Minahal, yeah. Pero yung gusto ko talaga? Ibang iba sa kanya.

Carl: Ano ba talaga kasi ang blog mo? Hihirapan kita habulin ah! Lol.

ika said...

mukha bang hindi dugong bughaw ung crush mo? kaso nga sabi mo nga bata...

xtian1978ii said...

funny naman kase may naalala ako. nung magkita kita kami ng mga batchmates ko sa college nagkumustahan. kinimusta nila ako if naguusap pa ba daw kami ng ex gf ko na kaklase namin sa college din (she was not there sa reunion). Sabi ko minsan. Sabi kase nila 'yung current bf nya (husband na) ay hawig ko daw hehehe. Siguro ganun nga. Kase after ilang taon din bago sya nakapag move-on. kahawig ko pa hehehe.

<*period*>; said...

kung ganun, knox, saan ko makikita?wala na ba ang mga xml files mo about him?

saw your twitter post,nakngbaog, masasampiga kita sa ginagawa mo..aware ka ba sa masamang epekto ng paginom ng energy drinks ng walang laman ng tiyan?

anyways, hindi ko natagalan ang pagbabasa ng mga unang posts mo dito..naiiyak ako...

hindi mo na rin po kailangang sagutin yung tanong ko sa iyo sa email..kasi sigurado ako..ikaw at yung nagcomment sa gym chronicles ko na blog post ay iisa

ang masasabi ko lang, salamat, tinupad mo nga ang promise mo dati..na kahit mwala yung dati mong blog na kulay blue, babalik at babalikan mo ang blog ko

nagiba man ang pangalan, pero iisa lang na nilalang

salamat, kuya

Prince_Cloud said...

life is indeed mysterious ano, kakatuwa. you tend to escape someone but chance and choice reveals that things, events even people who share their features or likeness will come to our lives na hindi natin napapansin.

as my rule goes, kung saan ka naman masaya dapat doon ka.

=D