The chronicles was set to end after its fifth run. Finally, we have ran out of subjects to talk about and the cycle of old conversations took its toll on our shaky friendship. Things have always been the same - him, whining about everything under the sun - and me, listening and fooling around just to keep our daily chats as engaging as possible. There were no new things to talk about and when I introduce stories of my own that we could mince and dissect together throughout the day, in the end, he would just keep a mum. Thus, we began to put some distance. There were days when we never find ourselves chatting despite seeing each other's Yahoo handles online.
It was never my habit to send the first message first - especially in his case, since I tend to lace our online conversations with flirty undertones. It is either he never gets it or simply tolerates such cross-border assaults. There are times I get spooked at how I am able to cross the line and return to my peripheries without being noticed for my provocations.
Sex is a subject I avoid and when he talked about masturbation a few days ago, I changed the topic by asking him about his new workout routine. We also talked about Gymrat23 and Ocim (the guys I referred to in the entry "Spot the Difference") and how he sees those two guys as lovers rather than friends.
"Eh magsyota naman yung dalawang yun eh," El Tigre claimed.
"Tungek! Mag bestfriend lang yung dalawang yun. Nangagago lang para maniwala kayong lahat na magsyota silang dalawa." Of course, I was lying to cover up for the two lovebirds who uncannily professed their romantic feelings in a straight-dominated forum.
El Tigre sent a happy face smiley before we moved on to a new subject.
However, it seems that the longer El Tigre and I chat online, the more we become open to each other. Such openness is something that I dread for attachments may form and I might get tied down to a person I never intend to pursue. Fortunately, he leaves a steady stream of proofs that would thwart my own doubts about his sexuality. I go back to seeing him as a straight guy no matter how affectionate our exchanges had become.
This morning, El Tigre revealed something about himself that would permanently seal my doubts regarding his preference. He spoke about his past relationship for the first time.
[12:02] elTigre: in love
[12:02] elTigre: hay inlove
[12:04] MuGen: ikaw?
[12:04] elTigre: hindi ako
[12:04] elTigre: [insert smiley here]
[12:04] MuGen: akalo ko in love na si tigre
[12:04] MuGen: tutuwa si mugen pag ganun
[12:12] elTigre: hahaha
[12:12] elTigre: gusto ko si mugen ma inlove
[12:12] MuGen: haha
[12:12] MuGen: ayaw
[12:12] elTigre: tatanda na si mugen e kailangan na mag asawa
[12:12] elTigre: [insert smiley here]
[12:12] MuGen: yoko
[12:13] MuGen: ikaw na lang.
[12:13] elTigre: ako em nkita ako knina sa bldg
[12:13] elTigre: crush
[12:13] elTigre: [insert smiley here]
[12:13] MuGen: talaga?
[12:13] elTigre: sa hp nag tatrabaho
[12:13] elTigre: [insert smiley here]
[12:13] MuGen: bugaw ka natin!
[12:13] elTigre: mukang bata pa e
[12:13] MuGen: talaga
[12:13] MuGen: bebot?
[12:13] elTigre: nkita mo ba ang ex ko pala
[12:13] MuGen: hindi pa
[12:13] elTigre: malamang bebot
[12:13] MuGen: nasa facebook mo
[12:13] MuGen: ?
[12:14] elTigre: ay di pala
[12:14] elTigre: kasi mukang inocente
[12:14] MuGen: di bagay
[12:14] elTigre: sa multiply ko
[12:14] MuGen: dapat palaban
[12:14] MuGen: sa multiply mo
[12:14] MuGen: sino dun
[12:14] elTigre: ice
[12:14] elTigre: loko talgang palaban
[12:14] elTigre: ay di ko ata kaya yun a
[12:14] MuGen: bakit?
[12:15] elTigre: sabagay maganda inocente tapos palaban sa
[12:15] elTigre: hahaha
[12:15] elTigre: tingnan mo sa multiply pero naka provate ata sya e
[12:15] elTigre: taaas ang standard ng tigre e
[12:16] MuGen: men ang ganda ah!
[12:17] elTigre: ayus nu
[12:17] elTigre: payat lang pero WOOOOOOOOOH
[12:17] elTigre: [insert smiley here]
[12:17] MuGen: gaano kayo nagtagal?
[12:18] Meebo Message: Could not connect to network.
[12:20] MuGen: gaano kayo katagal?
[12:20] elTigre: 1 year tapos umalis sya ng pinas di na kinya
El Tigre indeed had a straight past. He just broke up last year after his ex-girlfriend left for Dubai. For weeks, I tried to unravel the mystery as to why he never sought a new girlfriend. The answer came directly from him:
He has a very high standard when picking up a mate.
The moment I opened his ex-girlfriend's multiply account, I was floored over my seat. She was indeed a certified bombshell - slim, long black flowing hair, brown skin that complements my buddy's fair and boyish features. Had they still been together, they could be easily mistaken as ramp models strutting along Megamall's wide-spaced atrium.
El Tigre's revelation was a source of relief. Finally I could see him as someone out of my league. At the same time, I could tease him all I want knowing that I could never-ever get attached romantically with my chat friend. Yet for some reasons, his revelations left a tinge of pain that I still cannot understand. What I do know is that it brought back memories of a time when I was forced to sought a girl for distraction after learning that my guy bestfriend decides to pursue a girl he just met.
It was my then straight life.
The only time I really get serious in having a relationship is when I feel threatened of being left out by a male friend's intention of having a girlfriend. The last time it happened was during Yusuke's time. Rather than being abandoned by my closest companion, I decided to enter someone's life.
Who would have thought that our friendly hang-outs, night-long phone conversations and constant companionship in class would end up in a romantic interlude that would become my first and last in the realm of the heterosexuals. Now that we're very much close after years of not speaking to one another, it was our fondest memories that I choose to remember once again.
[12:20] MuGen: ganun ba
[12:20] MuGen: matagal rin
[12:20] MuGen: [insert smiley here]
[12:20] elTigre: hehe
[12:21] MuGen: ex ko
[12:21] MuGen: [insert multiply address here]
And despite being separated for seven years, it was our happy past that convinced me to introduce her to El Tigre this afternoon.
---
When she returns to the country at the end of the month, I promised to take her out for dinner. You may call it many names but I guess this is the closest I could ever have as my first date this year.
She knows I am not straight.
It was never my habit to send the first message first - especially in his case, since I tend to lace our online conversations with flirty undertones. It is either he never gets it or simply tolerates such cross-border assaults. There are times I get spooked at how I am able to cross the line and return to my peripheries without being noticed for my provocations.
Sex is a subject I avoid and when he talked about masturbation a few days ago, I changed the topic by asking him about his new workout routine. We also talked about Gymrat23 and Ocim (the guys I referred to in the entry "Spot the Difference") and how he sees those two guys as lovers rather than friends.
"Eh magsyota naman yung dalawang yun eh," El Tigre claimed.
"Tungek! Mag bestfriend lang yung dalawang yun. Nangagago lang para maniwala kayong lahat na magsyota silang dalawa." Of course, I was lying to cover up for the two lovebirds who uncannily professed their romantic feelings in a straight-dominated forum.
El Tigre sent a happy face smiley before we moved on to a new subject.
However, it seems that the longer El Tigre and I chat online, the more we become open to each other. Such openness is something that I dread for attachments may form and I might get tied down to a person I never intend to pursue. Fortunately, he leaves a steady stream of proofs that would thwart my own doubts about his sexuality. I go back to seeing him as a straight guy no matter how affectionate our exchanges had become.
This morning, El Tigre revealed something about himself that would permanently seal my doubts regarding his preference. He spoke about his past relationship for the first time.
[12:02] elTigre: in love
[12:02] elTigre: hay inlove
[12:04] MuGen: ikaw?
[12:04] elTigre: hindi ako
[12:04] elTigre: [insert smiley here]
[12:04] MuGen: akalo ko in love na si tigre
[12:04] MuGen: tutuwa si mugen pag ganun
[12:12] elTigre: hahaha
[12:12] elTigre: gusto ko si mugen ma inlove
[12:12] MuGen: haha
[12:12] MuGen: ayaw
[12:12] elTigre: tatanda na si mugen e kailangan na mag asawa
[12:12] elTigre: [insert smiley here]
[12:12] MuGen: yoko
[12:13] MuGen: ikaw na lang.
[12:13] elTigre: ako em nkita ako knina sa bldg
[12:13] elTigre: crush
[12:13] elTigre: [insert smiley here]
[12:13] MuGen: talaga?
[12:13] elTigre: sa hp nag tatrabaho
[12:13] elTigre: [insert smiley here]
[12:13] MuGen: bugaw ka natin!
[12:13] elTigre: mukang bata pa e
[12:13] MuGen: talaga
[12:13] MuGen: bebot?
[12:13] elTigre: nkita mo ba ang ex ko pala
[12:13] MuGen: hindi pa
[12:13] elTigre: malamang bebot
[12:13] MuGen: nasa facebook mo
[12:13] MuGen: ?
[12:14] elTigre: ay di pala
[12:14] elTigre: kasi mukang inocente
[12:14] MuGen: di bagay
[12:14] elTigre: sa multiply ko
[12:14] MuGen: dapat palaban
[12:14] MuGen: sa multiply mo
[12:14] MuGen: sino dun
[12:14] elTigre: ice
[12:14] elTigre: loko talgang palaban
[12:14] elTigre: ay di ko ata kaya yun a
[12:14] MuGen: bakit?
[12:15] elTigre: sabagay maganda inocente tapos palaban sa
[12:15] elTigre: hahaha
[12:15] elTigre: tingnan mo sa multiply pero naka provate ata sya e
[12:15] elTigre: taaas ang standard ng tigre e
[12:16] MuGen: men ang ganda ah!
[12:17] elTigre: ayus nu
[12:17] elTigre: payat lang pero WOOOOOOOOOH
[12:17] elTigre: [insert smiley here]
[12:17] MuGen: gaano kayo nagtagal?
[12:18] Meebo Message: Could not connect to network.
[12:20] MuGen: gaano kayo katagal?
[12:20] elTigre: 1 year tapos umalis sya ng pinas di na kinya
El Tigre indeed had a straight past. He just broke up last year after his ex-girlfriend left for Dubai. For weeks, I tried to unravel the mystery as to why he never sought a new girlfriend. The answer came directly from him:
He has a very high standard when picking up a mate.
The moment I opened his ex-girlfriend's multiply account, I was floored over my seat. She was indeed a certified bombshell - slim, long black flowing hair, brown skin that complements my buddy's fair and boyish features. Had they still been together, they could be easily mistaken as ramp models strutting along Megamall's wide-spaced atrium.
El Tigre's revelation was a source of relief. Finally I could see him as someone out of my league. At the same time, I could tease him all I want knowing that I could never-ever get attached romantically with my chat friend. Yet for some reasons, his revelations left a tinge of pain that I still cannot understand. What I do know is that it brought back memories of a time when I was forced to sought a girl for distraction after learning that my guy bestfriend decides to pursue a girl he just met.
It was my then straight life.
The only time I really get serious in having a relationship is when I feel threatened of being left out by a male friend's intention of having a girlfriend. The last time it happened was during Yusuke's time. Rather than being abandoned by my closest companion, I decided to enter someone's life.
Who would have thought that our friendly hang-outs, night-long phone conversations and constant companionship in class would end up in a romantic interlude that would become my first and last in the realm of the heterosexuals. Now that we're very much close after years of not speaking to one another, it was our fondest memories that I choose to remember once again.
[12:20] MuGen: ganun ba
[12:20] MuGen: matagal rin
[12:20] MuGen: [insert smiley here]
[12:20] elTigre: hehe
[12:21] MuGen: ex ko
[12:21] MuGen: [insert multiply address here]
And despite being separated for seven years, it was our happy past that convinced me to introduce her to El Tigre this afternoon.
---
When she returns to the country at the end of the month, I promised to take her out for dinner. You may call it many names but I guess this is the closest I could ever have as my first date this year.
She knows I am not straight.
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