Friday, November 6, 2009

Cold As Ice

When the time comes you only see men as playthings; and learn to treat them like rugs. When your heart knows no pain, and tears would never roll down your face. When everything bores you, and no one could reach you.

I hope this entry will make you remember.

Once you were human.

---

I waited for him the whole night
only to fall asleep just as he was about
to arrive in my place.

Thirty minutes I slept and when I woke up,
my phone was vibrating.
It was a text message, from him, telling me
he went home
after waiting for someone to open the door.

He said, he knocked many times,
pressed the doorbell and called my name.
No one heard him outside.
He said he waited for someone to answer
But I think he just stayed downstairs for a short time.
Mother and sister were still awake when he had arrived.

But you know what,
after trying to run after him in the street;
after calling his number only to get
a voice message that his phone was unattended;
and after crying while talking to him and explaining what
happened when he got home.

I just realized how dependent I have become.

When I woke up this morning
after catching an hour's sleep,
my first thoughts were of longing.
I could be lying next to him
if I wasn't too careless to fall asleep

I could have had a better voyage in my dreams
while embracing him instead of the stiff pillow
I wrap my arms around .

Narealize ko tuloy...

It would have been better to be late at work
knowing I have overslept in his arms.

rather

arriving earlier than usual
knowing, I never slept at all
and crying until daybreak
for missing an opportunity
to be with him last night.

Shields Down, Fullmetal Dreams
December 29, 2006

16 comments:

blagadag said...

sleep na dude. ok lang yan. bukas, masaya at maganda ang araw mo. okay? sleep na. nyt nyt. hugs.

anteros' dominion said...

kailanman, hindi naging solusyon ang pagtakas sa anumang dapat kaharapain

ang buhay ay isang cycle, patuloy na pagharap sa mga hamon

paulit ulit mang masaktan, hindi iyon sapat na dahilan para isipin na ang lahat ng tao ay katuld ng hulinbg nakasalamuha

sabi nga ni anne frank, 'i still believe in the innate goodness of man'

engel said...

i think i like the galen that was before. =)

PERIOD said...

kuya joms wag ka sanang mag give up nang dahil lang sa mga pagkabigo na iyong kinakaharap.

di ba ikaw na rin ang nagsabi at nagturo sa akin ng ibig sabihin ng mga katagang 'faith'?

please keep the faith...

sa kabila ng ibat ibang rejections.

Yj said...

it doesn't matter if you cry yourself to sleep... basta makatulog ka... at paggising mo, magbabago na ang lahat, for the best.....


hugs

Galen said...

Period: You don't get it yet no. It is me who rejects nowadays. Hindi sila. Kung mang-reject man sila, I just move on.

YJ: It was before. I think, it would never happen again.

Blagadag: I wish I could write in detail the reason behind the two recent entries. Let the more recent one serve as a queue.

Galen said...

Anteros: It's not more about getting hurt, but learning from the excesses you gave because of love.

Yes. I still believe in the innate goodness of man.

Engel: Everyone loved his softer side. :)

Manech said...

The two posts bring to mind a certain line from a favorite movie:

"So, my little Amélie, you don't have bones of glass. You can take life's knocks. If you let this chance pass, eventually, your heart will become as dry and brittle as my skeleton."

Her issue, of course, is entirely different. Or maybe not. It is always understandable that we become skeptics at this point in time, that we see the downside of things. On certain occasions, I've even associated this with growing up, realizing that things aren't as, well, fantastical as we would like them to be.

But I believe there's always this little room in us, filled with sunshine. It may have all the locks, heck, we may even have lost the keys to open it, but it is there, waiting for us to come inside again. :D

Maxwell5587 said...

amen to the last paragraph on manech's comment.

isipipis said...

scarring...

blagadag said...

sabi ko rin noon, ayoko ng umibig at masaktan muli. pero sa kinatagalan, di masaya ang buhay. walang kulay at naging bato ako. tapos biglang may dumating, umibig ako muli. ang sarap maging gay.

Galen said...

Blagadag: Marahil tama ka, puwede pag-aralan umibig muli.

Tingnan natin.

Carl: Naging saksi ka sa aking buhay pag-ibig. Naiintindihan mo marahil bakit ako naging ganito.

Manech: The sun will still shine no matter how strong a passing storm is.

This is how life ought to be.

xtian1978ii said...

Galen, it happened to me too. but it was I who waited I waited for more than an hour. even called the landline to no avail. malayo ang lugar nila, I was hurt so I decided to go to malate to look for someone to spend the night away

Galen said...

Xtian: The only difference I guess is that I apologized to him. Minutes lang talaga ang pagitan namin.

Handa ka na ba?

xtian1978ii said...

@Galen I don't know if I'll ever be pero one thing is sure may magbabalik

Allan said...

leche...

sori yun yung una kong naisip itype. and sori for barging in like that. i guess i feel appalled of your situation back then. i know what that feels, and it truly is shitty.

i do reckon it's not your fault that you became how you are now. or at least a myriad of things pushed you to. i just feel it's terribly tragic that things happen the way they do and realize that they happen without nothing in particular to put the blame on. *sigh*

but just the same, i hope you don't lose it, Galen. at the moment things are pushing me to harden, but yesterday i remembered to preserve the part of me that knows how to love.