The chasing ends here, for I have finally caught the bunny.
The long struggle is over. I have succeeded in my aim to get fit.
I went to the gym last night after my shift at work had ended. It was a spur of the moment decision I undertook after realizing that I've stopped working out for the past four days. Lately, my work out routine has been very erratic. Unlike during the first months of the year, where I followed my program as religiously as possible, I feel that my gym activities these days are simply done to maintain my well-guarded achievement.
After I changed to my work-out attire, I went to the weighting scale to check if there's any progress in my weight. What I was hoping for is that I gained some pounds in order for me to have something to trim down again. Honestly, I find this truly ironic because a year ago, I would check my weight hoping that I shed some pounds from my body. Now, I'm checking the scale to see whether I gained some pounds for being very complacent in my activities. Unfortunately, it wasn't the case. For the first time after I stepped out of college six years ago, I am back to what my frame was in those blissful heydays.
The scale registered that I am 160 lbs.
It means that from the time I seriously dreamed of getting fit to the time I checked my weight last night, I already lost around 50 lbs.
I owe a huge part of the success to my alarming eating habits, which I think is already killing me slowly. Since I arrive home late at night, nobody's up to prepare my dinner. Therefore, heavy meals are set during the afternoons - where I combine my breakfast and lunch before heading off to work. Dinners are always oatmeals, a meal which I used to eat at breakfast when I was still in the morning shift. After the great scare of February, I gradually changed my diet to accommodate more steamed vegetables than fried meat dishes. It proves to be a healthier alternative, but the diet denied me a source of protein and other nutrients which my body is in dire need of every time I go to the gym.
Since my work and school schedule had already limited my ability to go out and do other things, my trips to fast food restaurants had also been stifled. Except for munching a large order of French Fries occasionally, I can't remember the last time I had a full stomach after eating in Jollibee or Mcdonalds. Sugar intake has been limited to less than a teaspoon every day. Since i don't often drink carbonated or artificially flavored drinks lately, water has been my constant source of fluids since last January.
If you think about it. I'm doing the extreme. The irony however is that my body has already adopted to take such beating and it doesn't matter how much I deny myself now that my appetite don't find those things appealing anymore.
And in a more ironic twist of fate, I lately realized that the promises I said to myself when I was still dreaming to get fit are not the ones I would take importance now that my aims have been realized.
By now, I should be spending my free time going to boutiques and digging the latest fashion trends so I can finally overhaul my closet. Promise ko talaga dati, kapag pumayat ako bibilhin ko lahat ng damit na pinangarap kong masuot tuwing naliligaw ako sa mall. Na-aastigan saki ako sa mga power dressers eh. It's like you're looking up to them because they exude so much confidence in themselves.
But now the only problem that concerns me is how to acquire cheap but sturdy pants, now that I'm facing a wardrobe crisis because the slacks and pants that I'm wearing all the time had become too loose for me. Mukha tuloy akong shabby and haggard all the time.
By now, I should have reclaimed my spot on the dance floor. If I remember it precisely, the first time I realized that I needed to trim down happened during a night-out with Mami with the rest of the morning shift colleagues three years ago. I found myself dancing with a girl and I danced well. The problem however is that I have grown big that I cannot make the moves to impress the girl I was dancing.
I also have this fantasy of going to the ledge and dance in an arousing way like the half-naked hunky go-go boys do. Nothing really turns me on like when someone dances behind me only to rub his crotch against my butt. In my younger days (like younger than DN and Punked) I used to do exhibitions on the ledge. When an admirer begins to touch my body, I'd insist that he squeeze my crotch instead. That how naughty I was, and if given an opportunity, I wouldn't mind doing it again.
But now that I have the opportunity to do it again, age has gotten over me. Not only have I accepted that I mellowed down, even the thought of going to clubs alone compels me to rush going home. Truly, I have become domesticated.
Finally by now, I should be flirting with everyone who catches my fancy. The truth behind posting some sexy pictures in my g4m account before was that I wanted to be noticed. I wanted to increase my market value and become the guys I used to ogle in that website. There was even a time that I'd open my g4m before going to the gym just to remind myself that I wanted someone else's chest/torso/abs/shoulders to be mine someday. I tried to hide this vanity as much as possible. But the truth is, the more I get closer to my objective, the more I became narcissistic and ego-centric.
My last trip to Club Bath early this year revealed how horrible I could be once my physique gets into my head.
But now...
Now that I have the physique that I could stare for hours in a wall mirror (especially when I'm starved in the morning) I'm beginning to realize that what I'm staring at is just a mere body with a semi-developed chest and a flat tummy and nothing more. I know, nothing beats the pleasure of staring at a hunky man's body especially when he flexes his biceps, abs and firm chest in front of the mirror. (dami niyan sa gym ko!) Just last night, I caught this amboy guy changing clothes across from where my bench was. He was not fair or good looking at all, but to stare at his broad shoulders, flat torso and bulging chest had me a hard time putting on my sando. He was so rugged and brusko that I said to myself...
"I want to be like him."
However when you think deeper, it's not the body that really gets you attracted or stay interested in a person. Of course we put huge premium on what the physical package of a person is, but it is his depth of understanding of things, thoughts of life and your similarity in interest that really draws you closer to a person.
Ang sarap sana gamitin ng magandang katawan for hedonistic pursuits, but for some strange reasons, those things do not appeal to me anymore.
While I was doing my 165 lbs squats last night and groaning from pain, I was asking myself over and over what's left now that I have achieved my objective. I could have easily told the supportive trainers that I would like to stop working out because I don't have a need for it anymore.
I could spend my time doing the more ordinary things, like playing video games on my computer or drinking with my friends.
Is it because I still value my vanity? Or is it because I'm afraid to lose what I already have?
This would be the last of the Bunny Interludes entries for I now declare that I have finally caught the bunny.
But...
If I have to continue my gym activities; If I really have to push my limits and achieve that model-modelan body that never in my life I have dreamed of aiming, then I have to come up with deeper reasons to continue getting fit.
Would it be in the name of health? Too cheesy.
Would it be for market value? Too self-serving. Besides, I always considered myself a class-B hipon.
Then maybe its because it's already a lifestyle that I could not take out easily? Possible.
Looking at how many bunny dreamers out there tries to achieve perfection, could I consider myself a poster boy?
I don't know... Perhaps it would be too much of a grand illusion.
But one thing I know is that I was once a dreamer. A chubby guy who was pushed back all the time in a world where physique and looks matter above all else.
"Kasi naman yung isa diyan, ang taba-taba, hindi tuloy tayo magkasya sa sasakyan..."
"No chubbies please..."
"Ang laki laki mo, papayat ka nga!!
"Yang boobs mo parang daig mo pa ang sa babae sa laki."
"Kahit anong gawin mo, hindi na liliit yang tiyan mo Joms"
A sudden remembrance runs inside my head. It hurts you know. But without these criticisms, I won't find myself on the spot where I am today.
Looking at how long and struggling the journey has been.
It wasn't that bad, now that you see it at a hindsight.
---
- the end.
The long struggle is over. I have succeeded in my aim to get fit.
I went to the gym last night after my shift at work had ended. It was a spur of the moment decision I undertook after realizing that I've stopped working out for the past four days. Lately, my work out routine has been very erratic. Unlike during the first months of the year, where I followed my program as religiously as possible, I feel that my gym activities these days are simply done to maintain my well-guarded achievement.
After I changed to my work-out attire, I went to the weighting scale to check if there's any progress in my weight. What I was hoping for is that I gained some pounds in order for me to have something to trim down again. Honestly, I find this truly ironic because a year ago, I would check my weight hoping that I shed some pounds from my body. Now, I'm checking the scale to see whether I gained some pounds for being very complacent in my activities. Unfortunately, it wasn't the case. For the first time after I stepped out of college six years ago, I am back to what my frame was in those blissful heydays.
The scale registered that I am 160 lbs.
It means that from the time I seriously dreamed of getting fit to the time I checked my weight last night, I already lost around 50 lbs.
I owe a huge part of the success to my alarming eating habits, which I think is already killing me slowly. Since I arrive home late at night, nobody's up to prepare my dinner. Therefore, heavy meals are set during the afternoons - where I combine my breakfast and lunch before heading off to work. Dinners are always oatmeals, a meal which I used to eat at breakfast when I was still in the morning shift. After the great scare of February, I gradually changed my diet to accommodate more steamed vegetables than fried meat dishes. It proves to be a healthier alternative, but the diet denied me a source of protein and other nutrients which my body is in dire need of every time I go to the gym.
Since my work and school schedule had already limited my ability to go out and do other things, my trips to fast food restaurants had also been stifled. Except for munching a large order of French Fries occasionally, I can't remember the last time I had a full stomach after eating in Jollibee or Mcdonalds. Sugar intake has been limited to less than a teaspoon every day. Since i don't often drink carbonated or artificially flavored drinks lately, water has been my constant source of fluids since last January.
If you think about it. I'm doing the extreme. The irony however is that my body has already adopted to take such beating and it doesn't matter how much I deny myself now that my appetite don't find those things appealing anymore.
And in a more ironic twist of fate, I lately realized that the promises I said to myself when I was still dreaming to get fit are not the ones I would take importance now that my aims have been realized.
By now, I should be spending my free time going to boutiques and digging the latest fashion trends so I can finally overhaul my closet. Promise ko talaga dati, kapag pumayat ako bibilhin ko lahat ng damit na pinangarap kong masuot tuwing naliligaw ako sa mall. Na-aastigan saki ako sa mga power dressers eh. It's like you're looking up to them because they exude so much confidence in themselves.
But now the only problem that concerns me is how to acquire cheap but sturdy pants, now that I'm facing a wardrobe crisis because the slacks and pants that I'm wearing all the time had become too loose for me. Mukha tuloy akong shabby and haggard all the time.
By now, I should have reclaimed my spot on the dance floor. If I remember it precisely, the first time I realized that I needed to trim down happened during a night-out with Mami with the rest of the morning shift colleagues three years ago. I found myself dancing with a girl and I danced well. The problem however is that I have grown big that I cannot make the moves to impress the girl I was dancing.
I also have this fantasy of going to the ledge and dance in an arousing way like the half-naked hunky go-go boys do. Nothing really turns me on like when someone dances behind me only to rub his crotch against my butt. In my younger days (like younger than DN and Punked) I used to do exhibitions on the ledge. When an admirer begins to touch my body, I'd insist that he squeeze my crotch instead. That how naughty I was, and if given an opportunity, I wouldn't mind doing it again.
But now that I have the opportunity to do it again, age has gotten over me. Not only have I accepted that I mellowed down, even the thought of going to clubs alone compels me to rush going home. Truly, I have become domesticated.
Finally by now, I should be flirting with everyone who catches my fancy. The truth behind posting some sexy pictures in my g4m account before was that I wanted to be noticed. I wanted to increase my market value and become the guys I used to ogle in that website. There was even a time that I'd open my g4m before going to the gym just to remind myself that I wanted someone else's chest/torso/abs/shoulders to be mine someday. I tried to hide this vanity as much as possible. But the truth is, the more I get closer to my objective, the more I became narcissistic and ego-centric.
My last trip to Club Bath early this year revealed how horrible I could be once my physique gets into my head.
But now...
Now that I have the physique that I could stare for hours in a wall mirror (especially when I'm starved in the morning) I'm beginning to realize that what I'm staring at is just a mere body with a semi-developed chest and a flat tummy and nothing more. I know, nothing beats the pleasure of staring at a hunky man's body especially when he flexes his biceps, abs and firm chest in front of the mirror. (dami niyan sa gym ko!) Just last night, I caught this amboy guy changing clothes across from where my bench was. He was not fair or good looking at all, but to stare at his broad shoulders, flat torso and bulging chest had me a hard time putting on my sando. He was so rugged and brusko that I said to myself...
"I want to be like him."
However when you think deeper, it's not the body that really gets you attracted or stay interested in a person. Of course we put huge premium on what the physical package of a person is, but it is his depth of understanding of things, thoughts of life and your similarity in interest that really draws you closer to a person.
Ang sarap sana gamitin ng magandang katawan for hedonistic pursuits, but for some strange reasons, those things do not appeal to me anymore.
While I was doing my 165 lbs squats last night and groaning from pain, I was asking myself over and over what's left now that I have achieved my objective. I could have easily told the supportive trainers that I would like to stop working out because I don't have a need for it anymore.
I could spend my time doing the more ordinary things, like playing video games on my computer or drinking with my friends.
Is it because I still value my vanity? Or is it because I'm afraid to lose what I already have?
This would be the last of the Bunny Interludes entries for I now declare that I have finally caught the bunny.
But...
If I have to continue my gym activities; If I really have to push my limits and achieve that model-modelan body that never in my life I have dreamed of aiming, then I have to come up with deeper reasons to continue getting fit.
Would it be in the name of health? Too cheesy.
Would it be for market value? Too self-serving. Besides, I always considered myself a class-B hipon.
Then maybe its because it's already a lifestyle that I could not take out easily? Possible.
Looking at how many bunny dreamers out there tries to achieve perfection, could I consider myself a poster boy?
I don't know... Perhaps it would be too much of a grand illusion.
But one thing I know is that I was once a dreamer. A chubby guy who was pushed back all the time in a world where physique and looks matter above all else.
"Kasi naman yung isa diyan, ang taba-taba, hindi tuloy tayo magkasya sa sasakyan..."
"No chubbies please..."
"Ang laki laki mo, papayat ka nga!!
"Yang boobs mo parang daig mo pa ang sa babae sa laki."
"Kahit anong gawin mo, hindi na liliit yang tiyan mo Joms"
A sudden remembrance runs inside my head. It hurts you know. But without these criticisms, I won't find myself on the spot where I am today.
Looking at how long and struggling the journey has been.
It wasn't that bad, now that you see it at a hindsight.
---
- the end.
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