"I have to tell you something," He said.
"Anu yun dude?" I asked him, with a half guess forming in my head.
"Wag na lang..." was his reply. Apparently, he was having second thoughts of spilling out the beans.
Then everything became quiet.
"Ano nga yun,"
I insisted a couple of times more. But he was really hesitant to say what he wanted to convey to me. so there was silence between us. Suddenly, without any warning, he held my hand and put it firmly and forcefully between his legs. I felt a massive bulge.
"Would this mean anything to you?" He asked.
At that moment, I was virtually powerless to make any reactions. Never did I guess that I would eventually reach the point, where I tried to consciously and persistently avoid this past few months.
- Eyes Wide Shut, March 5, 2007
---
We were buddies long before it happened. He is this quiet guy who doesn't talk a lot on the floor. My other colleagues found him too aloof and detached to invite in small gatherings. He kept himself shrouded in mystery and that image he projected to everyone stirred my curiosity. Since he has a connection to Mami Athena, it was never difficult to establish ties and friendship with him. I remember Mami telling me that we had a shared past - especially on the part where our families had both suffered financial hardships that we have never faced before. No wonder, it wasn't difficult to get along with him the moment we were first introduced.
And we clicked despite the fact that we never talk a lot.
After that fateful night-stand, things began to change between us. I became closer and the lines of friendship that we had nurtured suddenly became blurred. Mami Athena cautioned me not to assume anything. In fact her theory was, I might just have been an object of his libog. That I was nothing more but just a mere sexual object to be preyed upon.
However, his text messages revealed a different story.
We became uwian buddies overnight. He began to rely on me for support, which I gave freely the moment he needed it. We went out for a hang-out, I let him see my place and discover the secrets I kept within and in return, he became more open to me about his life. I gave him my full attention, which unfortunately my other colleagues had never failed to notice. We became an item but I didn't take their impressions seriously.
After all, I knew where I stood and what I felt for him was a friendship set in a different plane of existence.
However, he began to feel awkward at our situation. He tried to cool things down by asking me to keep some distance at first, but as the weeks passed, I began to feel that we were drifting apart. Then one morning, he accused me of spreading a nasty rumor which even in my grandest delusions I would never ferment.
"cnungaking ka!!! kinuwento mo sa lahat na may nangyari satin.. .. pero ang masagwa di mu pako kilala masyado... at bakit mu ipinagkakalat na may relasyon tayo??? bakla ka nga.. tsismoso/tsismosa.. wala kang isang salita.. at tsaka bakit mu ba na mis interpret ako??? di ako kasing katulad ng iniisip mo... ang totoong ako e sinabi ko sayo na NAG-E-EXPLORE plang ako sa buhay ko.. and that way im still a man and its just that i am BI.. wag mo ko tratuhin na parang tayo.."
It was the most hurtful accusations I have received in my entire PLU existence. For one, never in my past did I assume of a relationship. I simply have too much pride to stoop down and pretend of something that I am capable of getting officially. Second, why would I assume of something that I already have? In those days, my life has already been full of complexities to accommodate another one. In retaliation to his accusations, I immediately cut off my ties with everyone, except Mami. I erected a wall to keep my distance from everyone. For a month and a half, I sorted out where I failed in our friendship while healing the wounds he inflicted on me.
We found closure six months after the "big hit" happened. However, things had drastically changed when we got to talk again. I understood where he was coming from, and he understood what my nature had always been. Nevertheless, we stopped talking altogether. I simply cannot find anything interesting to share with him. Besides, he had become so aloof, that I found it difficult to reach out.
Months passed after the closure. Our ties had warmed a little more, but the bond we had before the "Eyes Wide Shut" episode happened had never been achieved again. His activities remained one of my concerns but I already learned to keep a perpetual distance away from him. We simply exist in different realities where one could not see the other anymore. Princess would tell me some of his recent blunders and I would just scratch my head in dismay. He might still be the tough, no-care-in-the-world guy that I knew, but he can never attempt to do an eyes-wide-shut episode again.
Looking back, I owe my survival to Mami, who had been there during the most difficult struggles to free myself after the "big hit." In times when he would test my resolve to get over by texting sweet messages that were intended for other people, I would run to Mami to reclaim my sanity. The yosi breaks proved to be my lifeline, and I still keep so many memories of that small bathroom where we used to smoke in the afternoon while showing her his latest text barrage on me.
Princess also proves to be a valuable ally in my attempts to get over him in the months after our closure. He not only helped me in getting the much-needed understanding I was seeking among those who got caught of our little story, he was extremely effective in unmasking the guy I used to look up and admire.
One year after it all happened, I suddenly realized that I don't feel anything for P-Man anymore. What we have is a history, that in all honestly, I wish had never happened at all. Now that everything is over, I can finally move on, without his shadow haunting my life's present course.
"Anu yun dude?" I asked him, with a half guess forming in my head.
"Wag na lang..." was his reply. Apparently, he was having second thoughts of spilling out the beans.
Then everything became quiet.
"Ano nga yun,"
I insisted a couple of times more. But he was really hesitant to say what he wanted to convey to me. so there was silence between us. Suddenly, without any warning, he held my hand and put it firmly and forcefully between his legs. I felt a massive bulge.
"Would this mean anything to you?" He asked.
At that moment, I was virtually powerless to make any reactions. Never did I guess that I would eventually reach the point, where I tried to consciously and persistently avoid this past few months.
- Eyes Wide Shut, March 5, 2007
---
We were buddies long before it happened. He is this quiet guy who doesn't talk a lot on the floor. My other colleagues found him too aloof and detached to invite in small gatherings. He kept himself shrouded in mystery and that image he projected to everyone stirred my curiosity. Since he has a connection to Mami Athena, it was never difficult to establish ties and friendship with him. I remember Mami telling me that we had a shared past - especially on the part where our families had both suffered financial hardships that we have never faced before. No wonder, it wasn't difficult to get along with him the moment we were first introduced.
And we clicked despite the fact that we never talk a lot.
After that fateful night-stand, things began to change between us. I became closer and the lines of friendship that we had nurtured suddenly became blurred. Mami Athena cautioned me not to assume anything. In fact her theory was, I might just have been an object of his libog. That I was nothing more but just a mere sexual object to be preyed upon.
However, his text messages revealed a different story.
We became uwian buddies overnight. He began to rely on me for support, which I gave freely the moment he needed it. We went out for a hang-out, I let him see my place and discover the secrets I kept within and in return, he became more open to me about his life. I gave him my full attention, which unfortunately my other colleagues had never failed to notice. We became an item but I didn't take their impressions seriously.
After all, I knew where I stood and what I felt for him was a friendship set in a different plane of existence.
However, he began to feel awkward at our situation. He tried to cool things down by asking me to keep some distance at first, but as the weeks passed, I began to feel that we were drifting apart. Then one morning, he accused me of spreading a nasty rumor which even in my grandest delusions I would never ferment.
"cnungaking ka!!! kinuwento mo sa lahat na may nangyari satin.. .. pero ang masagwa di mu pako kilala masyado... at bakit mu ipinagkakalat na may relasyon tayo??? bakla ka nga.. tsismoso/tsismosa.. wala kang isang salita.. at tsaka bakit mu ba na mis interpret ako??? di ako kasing katulad ng iniisip mo... ang totoong ako e sinabi ko sayo na NAG-E-EXPLORE plang ako sa buhay ko.. and that way im still a man and its just that i am BI.. wag mo ko tratuhin na parang tayo.."
It was the most hurtful accusations I have received in my entire PLU existence. For one, never in my past did I assume of a relationship. I simply have too much pride to stoop down and pretend of something that I am capable of getting officially. Second, why would I assume of something that I already have? In those days, my life has already been full of complexities to accommodate another one. In retaliation to his accusations, I immediately cut off my ties with everyone, except Mami. I erected a wall to keep my distance from everyone. For a month and a half, I sorted out where I failed in our friendship while healing the wounds he inflicted on me.
We found closure six months after the "big hit" happened. However, things had drastically changed when we got to talk again. I understood where he was coming from, and he understood what my nature had always been. Nevertheless, we stopped talking altogether. I simply cannot find anything interesting to share with him. Besides, he had become so aloof, that I found it difficult to reach out.
Months passed after the closure. Our ties had warmed a little more, but the bond we had before the "Eyes Wide Shut" episode happened had never been achieved again. His activities remained one of my concerns but I already learned to keep a perpetual distance away from him. We simply exist in different realities where one could not see the other anymore. Princess would tell me some of his recent blunders and I would just scratch my head in dismay. He might still be the tough, no-care-in-the-world guy that I knew, but he can never attempt to do an eyes-wide-shut episode again.
Looking back, I owe my survival to Mami, who had been there during the most difficult struggles to free myself after the "big hit." In times when he would test my resolve to get over by texting sweet messages that were intended for other people, I would run to Mami to reclaim my sanity. The yosi breaks proved to be my lifeline, and I still keep so many memories of that small bathroom where we used to smoke in the afternoon while showing her his latest text barrage on me.
Princess also proves to be a valuable ally in my attempts to get over him in the months after our closure. He not only helped me in getting the much-needed understanding I was seeking among those who got caught of our little story, he was extremely effective in unmasking the guy I used to look up and admire.
One year after it all happened, I suddenly realized that I don't feel anything for P-Man anymore. What we have is a history, that in all honestly, I wish had never happened at all. Now that everything is over, I can finally move on, without his shadow haunting my life's present course.
No comments:
Post a Comment